Probably One Of My Greatest Accomplishments During Quarantine Is Pitching The Idea To My Mom (a Teacher)

Y’all realize there are homosexual penguins too right? They’re actually essential to the survival of the species

pack your bags nerds we’re moving to Antarctica

remember kids, never shame others for the size of their cocks

WE HAVE MILF IS A SLUR DISCOURSE I REPEAT WE HAVE MILF IS A SLUR DISCOURSE

Quick, reblog this post with the best and/or worst pick up lines you know

But is the horse in a hospital?

Feds: *busting down the door of my clandestine ketamine lab*

Me:

DON’T FUCKING SHOOT I’M A HORSE

Please make this go viral.

It is so important I don’t even care if you delete what I write here, just help it be seen. 

So I have these two friends who know who the other is but they themselves are not friends. There have been two instances, one of them today, where one friend has mentioned a girl she thinks I could hit it off with. Both times, the girl she suggested was currently starting to date my other friend. And I can’t do anything about it cause that’s a dick move but like, how the fuck does the exact same thing with the same people happen TWICE??? And like, within a year too? This is why I’m single

I don't like Taylor swift

"Oh so you don't like female artists?"

On the contrary, Taylor Swift doesn't like female artists