How Can You Think I’m The Most Beautiful Creature You've Ever Seen? I Still Can’t Look Myself In

I can't remember when there was a time where I could say that I was fine with out lying. Nothing seems to motivate me besides failure, and nothing will get me to state how I feel. Because I'd rather waste away like this rather than let you worry about if I'm alright.

I'm just not fine.

"I know I said it was fine, that I was alright with just being friends. But I'm not. I'm not fine with feeling the way I do when I know you don't anymore. I'm not fine with getting my hopes up about feelings that don't exist between us anymore, at least on your end. I'm not fine with the empty conversations and the awkward pauses because of what could have been. I miss you, but I won't come out and say it. Just know that when I said it was fine, it wasn't. I was just letting you be happy even if I wasn't."

- I still haven't deleted our photos yet

"I guess we were in the same story, but not on the same page."

- 2 A.M. Thoughts (via. Wounded-writing)

1. I love you 2. I don't know how to tell you that I love you 3. Do you know that I love you? 4. Oh God, I hope you don't 5. I don't want to risk losing you

5 reasons

Love isn’t a lie. It’s something that can mask just how unhappy you really are while saying you are the happiest you’ve ever been.

After I broke up with him

BPJ Part 124!  (First) (Previous) (Next)

severe blood loss & one heck of a concussion from the explosion are causing some Rather Unfortunate Hallucinations.. b/c in this moment, lance really just wants keith there with him! 

 but that isn’t keith… :) 

(SEE ITS LIKE THAT SCENE FROM THE SHOW)

I thought I knew what love was.  Love was sitting in my health class sophomore year. Love wouldn't date me until one of us could drive a car. Love played lacrosse and was a goalie, we bonded over that. Then college came 2 years later, and love left as quickly as it came.  Love became constant fights about pointless things. Love became jealous and controlling. Love ended at roughly 11:30 pm on a Tuesday night. Turns out I didn't know what love was. A month later, love's ugly cousin loneliness came in disguised as love. Loneliness was a scrawny blonde who tried to be "country". Loneliness couldn't play sports, but I was okay with that as long as I wasn't alone. Loneliness became an on and off relationship that I couldn't let go of because it had love's fond embrace. I used loneliness as an excuse to date. Loneliness left on Mother's Day around 11:30 AM, and I went to the store because I didn't know why I was so sad that loneliness, the one I had been begging myself to leave, was gone. Turns out, love also went to the store that day. Love had also just gotten out of a long term relationship. Love had texted me a few days prior to make fun of me because that was what love had done when we were friends in the past. This love was different than the love that sat in sophomore year health class. This love was sporadic 45 minute conversations in the most random places. This love popped up when I needed it the most at any point in my life. This love accepted me for who I am. Love has a fast car, and a motorcycle. Love knows I like to play with my hair. Love knows I don't get out much, but love is ok with that because he brings me to the most beautiful places. But between you and me, I don't care where this love takes me, because, I know what love is, and he treats me the right way and has the most beautiful hazel eyes and the cutest dimples I've ever seen. I know what love is because he sleeps next to me (almost) every night. I know what love is and he is the most authentic man I have ever met.

Love is in my thoughts 

Dear Expectations, You are always there when I need you the least. You make a simple task feel immensely impossible. You run my fingers raw while writing a paper, my mind to exhaustion to be absolute perfection, and my body to sleep deprivation in search of a grade no less than what I need to pass. In the search of a way around you, I stand in your shadow, unable to overtake the panic that you make arise in my chest, the pounding that never ceases until after the deadline has passed or my grade sealed in the grave that you have been helping me dig. your shadow isn't big enough to keep me inside, it is not bog enough to harbor the panic and the anxiety that you bring with you wherever you go. Following you like two hungry watch dogs, waiting for me to fall to the ground, to feast upon what is left.  While you are there to bring me up when I have to do my best, you bring an illusion of a silver lining making this seem worth it in the slightest sense. For the reward of praise is too much to ask from you when all you deal in deceit and terror.

With no love

Why do I continue to make myself look like an idiot even after you've left and I've stated to fall away?

I don't want this to end

You wouldn’t know how good I am at lying until you give me a reason to trust you.

I don’t even trust myself