Ah The Free Market At Work. (Similar To When I Went To CVS To Pickup A 90$ Prescription And They Had

Any advice on how to approach tough conversations with my parents without getting overwhelmed and crying?

-Keep in mind that not every discussion is a fight. It doesn’t have to turn into a fight.

-Think about what you want to say on beforehand. You can write your ideas if possible so you don’t miss any point or get lost within the conversation.

-Tell your parents that you want to talk about something important. Schedule a brief time with them in which they can give you their attention.

-Let them know why talking about that subject is important for you.

-Your emotional well being goes first. If the thing is getting ugly you can ask to pause the conversation and re take it when everybody is more calm (this particular tip has made wonders in the relationship with my mom).

-Keep your voicetone calm but steady. Don’t shout, and try to not get heated. Remember that it’s a conversation. Don’t get defensive even if they do. The outcome might not be what you wanted and that might be frustrating but try to stay calm.

-Some phrases that might help are:

“I would like to know what you think of (the subject)”

“Why do you think that way? What are your concerns?”

“I understand why you say it but I do not agree”

“From my point of view…”

“I would appreciate if you could give thought to (subject)” and negotiate a partial agreement

“I don’t agree with that but I respect your decision/ will support you”

-If things don’t go your way you can always try again when armed with resources.

And even if the outcome isn’t what you wanted I am already proud of you for speaking out. I believe you and support you.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

It’s okay to be annoyed at social distancing. It’s okay to be disappointed your favorite event was canceled or frustrated with online classes or online work. It’s okay, feel the way you’re feeling, we need room for that.

But remember, herd action is a powerful thing, we aren’t doing this for just you or me or one single person. We’re doing this for the elderly and immunecompromised, we’re doing this for the health care professionals so they don’t get too overwhelmed. We’re doing this for more than just ourselves. This is collective action at work.

And it is the group that lifts that barn when no one person can

it is the group that takes turns talking to the man down during the worst day of his life

it’s the group that gets out the wet wipes and quietly takes down hate symbols

and we don’t do that for ourselves. We do that because there is a love for strangers, a love for people we don’t know, and a dedication to others that is more than just “me” and “survive” and us vs them.

It is easy to feel alone in these times when we are literally meant to be alone, but this too is a means of care, this too is an act of love. And I think, I really do, I think that’s worth holding onto.

That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief

The coronavirus pandemic has led to a collective loss of normalcy.

Understanding the stages of grief is a start. But whenever I talk about the stages of grief, I have to remind people that the stages aren’t linear and may not happen in this order. It’s not a map but it provides some scaffolding for this unknown world.

Grief counseling is something I have found hugely beneficial for dealing with the inconsistencies and unpredictability of living with multiple chronic illnesses. It was suggested to me by my therapist, who realized that my rapid cycling emotions weren’t just due to the ADHD, but because I was also constantly in a state of perpetual grieving; grieving for my past self who suffered and endured, for my current self still going through it, and for my future self, and a future that will forever be steeped in uncertainty.

I will always be in a state of grieving, because the stages of grief are not linear, and even after you reach the stage of acceptance, you will always carry some shard of the experience with you. In my case it’s less a shard, and more my entire existence. I live in a perpetual state of open-ended uncertainty. 

And now, so does everyone else.

You are grieving, both for the things going on right now, and the things we anticipate that will happen as a result. You are grieving, and that’s okay, you need to experience these emotions and process them. You are not being irrational, you are not being weak. You are being human.

Be kind to yourselves. This will pass. It will pass like the kidney stone of an angry god pissing vengeance into the wind. But it will pass. 

Happy new year you all! 💛 I wish you all a good start to the year, and I hope these chibirds can help you re-center your values and provide some positivity and motivation! You don’t have to be perfect - let’s just do the best that we can!

2020 Year of Motivation Calendar! ✨

Help for those who know someone with AVPD

Below are some helpful tips that will help you if you know someone or a group of people who have AVPD!!

•Be careful in conversations, they shut down easily and become self-loathing. Don’t be anxious around them, it is easily sensed and misinterpreted.

•Find an area of common interest to establish a bond of reassurance. They can and will trust a person over a long period time and given enough patience.

•Don’t minimize their feelings or self-doubt, they feel very intensely. Their social distance is often mistaken for a lack of feeling, but in reality they are very sensitive.

•Don’t try to make it better by saying something. Listening is the most effective tool.

•Listen to the words said and not said. Note changes in body language to gauge important points.

•They don’t like conflict, so make the environment as non-confrontational as possible.

•Pay attention to all of what they are saying as they frequently don’t say all of what they mean.

•Ask questions, don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions. Many times they will think they have said something when they have not.

•They are awkward in social settings so expect it.

•Don’t intentionally put them in uncomfortable environments without prior permission. This is not a person who likes surprise parties.

•They already know they are different so don’t bother telling them. Rather, learn to appreciate their independence.

•They have a tendency to believe that they are more intimate with a person than what might actually be the case. Those married to an APD should be very careful with words and body language as APDs tend to take offense easily to the slightest infraction. They truly see their relationships as having more intimacy than it might actually have.

I hope these help!!!

i saw this post on facebook and i love it tbh. it helps regulate calm deep breathing.

This is a first and foremost a disability blog, and I saw a post regarding these protests that I knew I would have to address at some point. I know that all kinds of people follow me and this message is for all of you:

Social Media activism has its role, but a limited effect. You can do far more by donating to a legit movement than by reposting every little post about these protests. You can be aware of what’s going on, do your part, and still take care of your mental and physical health.

I know that the favorite line in response to acknowledging these limits is “black people can’t take a break from racism” which I agree but I also don’t get to take a break from ableism, sexism and classism. They’re soul crushing too. Just being physically disabled means I can’t even get up for my own rights, meanwhile I have severe anxiety that I know is worsened by gluing myself to world events.

Some of those people who need to step away do deal with racism. And by suggesting non black people can only support black lives by creating undue anxiety that can in effect cripple our ability to actually do something substantive is nonsense. It’s a guilt tripping performance of ideological purity, and downright harmful to all people no matter their identity.

Everyone needs a break, even those on the front lines, or your movement will die from pure exhaustion. So my fellow anxiety sufferers, you are not in any way letting black lives down because you aren’t rebloggong posts. I’m more concerned with donating if you can, and your vote this November. You can do so much more with those tools than any mindless page sharing.

Stay updated, stay involved, and don’t be ashamed for taking mental health breaks because by doing so you can be a more effective supporter. Right now there is a long YouTube art piece going around to raise funds for BLM movements though ad revenue, which I will Reblog again immediately after this post. Doing things like that is far more helpful than rebloggong every single protest post. You don’t have to do that no matter how many people shout out at you that you have no excuse, but they don’t know a thing about your life and what you deal with.

Support where you can but don’t let this become so destructive to your physical and mental health that you can’t even continue your support. We’re all human, we all have unique individual limits, even admidst a protest.

Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay mad about police brutality and racism.

I know covid 19 has been going on for long. It is terrible and I hope with all my heart that it is over soon. I want you to know that following the restrictions save lives, and it’s okay if they make you sad. It’s okay if everything seems harder now than in the first months. We have been in this a long time and now it’s (for some of us atleast) very dark outside. It is hard. It is lonely, but we got to keep on going. We will make it. There is light ahead with vaccines. More and more restrictions may be added, dependent on where we each live. It will be okay again. Hang in there. For what it is worth: You are not alone and your feelings are valid. It’s scary and it may be getting to you a lot more now as the months went on. Winter is already a tough season for many people. Adding covid 19 on top of that? That is a lot. Do not beat yourself up. Hang in there, do what you can to take care of yourself and talk to someone.

We will make it through. It will be hard, but we will make it. 🌸