From-winded-to-wellness - Blog Posts

I’ve been trying to do a reset after a mentally draining few weeks.

I ended up cleaning my depression room last night, which I’m really happy about. Then I burned some incense afterward. I plan on cleansing my entire space later this week to help with the vibes.

Now I’m gonna get back on track with my physical health because I feel like my PCOS has really been flaring up this past week. I know I need to give myself some grace though. The last couple weeks have just been about surviving and taking it one day at a time. Now I’m ready to get back to focusing on my goals.

And we´re BACK (MIA, burnout, health updates, etc)

Hey yaĺl,

It´s been a while...more than a while actually, but who´s counting?

A lot has happened since my last check in on this blog. There have been many life changes, ranging from good to horrible, that required some (a lot of) adjusting. I´m still adjusting and coming to terms with certain events that transpired, but, you know what? I´m still here. So...we move (no matter how burnt out we are).

Speaking of changes...some of said changes have been health-related, one of which is being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). My symptoms have been especially out of wack these past few weeks, so I decided I need to get back on my ZOOM. What better way to do that than to be active within this lovely community again?

Apart from the PCOS, I really want to work on improving my physical and mental health as a whole. I will be making another post with the specific health goals I am aiming to accomplish this year.

I plan on posting about my daily workouts again and will start including posts about my meals as well.

Additionally, I am looking for more fitness/wellness blogs to follow. So definitely like this post/follow me if that fits your description. I would love to be mutuals and motivate each other. :) Bonus points if you also have PCOS. It would be amazing to have more people with similar goals and similar experiences to bless my timeline. lol

Until Later.

23 April 2023- Reset

So, I know it’s been a while...

I’m sorry for not being consistent with posting on here. It’s been a really rough few months. 

There are multiple sources of the stress I’ve been experiencing, both in my personal life and at work. 

I’ve been really depressed and lonely and have been dealing with a lot of anxiety.

I haven’t been to the gym in several months, so I haven’t even had much to report here anyway...

I’ve been feeling horrible about myself and I feel like my life has been very stagnant. It also doesn’t help that my birthday was just a few days ago. I feel like this has added to the existential dread I’ve been experiencing this weekend...

I know I need to start taking care of myself again. It’s just really hard sometimes.

But, I intend to start doing that. I’m going to treat this coming week as a reset. 

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to restart my health and fitness goals. I’m going to start going to the gym again and incorporate more nutrient-dense foods into my diet. I’m going to start focusing on myself and my needs more. I’m going to revisit the vision board I made for this year and remind myself about the intentions I, originally, had for 2023 (before stuff started going to shit). I’m going to start journaling again. I’m going to become re-attuned to my spirituality and more proactive with my spiritual practices (e.g., manifesting, cleansing, meditating, etc.). I’m going to start trusting myself again and working on improving my intuition. I’m going to be more consistent with self-care. I’m going to continue to go to therapy and heal. 

I’ll do whatever it takes to start feeling better again.

Accountability Post- 2 January 2022

I completed my first workout of 2023 today. Pretty proud of myself. I, almost, didn’t go to the gym. I’m really glad I did. 

I decided to restart my slightly modified version of the tik tok famous 12330 workout. Last year, I mentioned this in a post where I, briefly, discussed what I had been including in my workout routine. So, the 12330 workout is a treadmill workout that was created by a social influencer named Lauren Giraldo. Basically, you walk on the treadmill on an incline of 12, speed of 3, for 30 minutes. I do a 10330 (Incline 10, speed 3, for 30 minutes). For some reason, in my head, an incline of 12 seems too intimidating (Honestly, an incline of 10 is still a lot for me, but I did it lol). 

Cardio-wise I’m still going to be doing the hill workouts I was doing last year (whenever I actually worked out). I think I’m just going to alternate between them and the 10330...just to add some variety, so I don’t get too bored.

Anyway...on to today’s workout...

Today was leg day (my fave):

1. 3-minute warm up on the stairmaster

2. 18 minutes of weights

3. 30 minutes on the treadmill (Incline 10; Speed 3) + a 5-minute cool down after

I’m feeling pretty great (and tired lol). Now, I’m going to read a couple of chapters of the first book in my 2023 reading list (All About Love by Bell Hooks), then I’m off to bed. 

Here’s to starting the year off strong :)

1 January 2023 - Happy New Year!

Hey ya’ll!

It’s, definitely, been a minute...

I’m really sorry for the inconsistency in posts these past few months. Life got chaotic again, but I’m back (again) and in time for the new year.

I, finally, finished creating my 2023 intentions and vision board yesterday. I made my vision board the background for both my laptop and my phone’s lock screen. To be honest...I did not achieve a majority of my 2022 goals. Looking back at my 2022 vision board was painful. I was extremely disappointed in myself when I realized how little I accomplished on the list I created for myself at the beginning of last year. All that time spent for nothing...

However, I really feel like this year is going to be different. I’m feeling, cautiously, optimistic. I was a lot more specific with the intentions I included on my list, as well as with the images and quotes I chose for my vision board. I think that is going to be very beneficial in the long run. 

Overall, I’m ready for 2023. I’m ready to stop settling for less than what I deserve out of life. I’m ready to stop self-sabotaging. I’m ready to stop getting in the way of my goals. I’m ready to stop letting other people’s opinions and negative energy get in the way of my goals as well. This year is going to be the year of focusing more on myself and putting myself first. This year I’m prioritizing my own needs. This year I’m being more selfish (and there is nothing wrong with that). 

This is going to be a year of healing, abundance, and prosperity. I can feel it in my soul. 

Accountability Post: 12 September 2022

Finally got myself back in the gym. I ended up going after dinner. This is going to take a while for me to get used to, as I, usually, prefer morning workouts.

Anyway…today was leg day!

This consisted of:

1. A two-minute warmup on the stair master (it would have been three minutes, but I was already starting to struggle at the 30-second mark lol I’ll get there eventually)

2. 18 minutes of weights (I usually aim for 15 to 20 minutes of weight lifting)

3. A 20-minute hill workout on the treadmill, followed by a five-minute cooldown

I didn’t go as hard as I would have liked to, but at least I did something. That’s enough for me 🤷🏾‍♀️

Now I’m going to go make some tea, read, and then head to bed. Good night, ya’ll!

Accountability Post #1 (Starting Over)

Hey ya’ll....it’s been a WHILE.

Just a few life updates before I get to the health/fitness stuff:

-I have, officially, finished moving out of my apartment 

-I have, officially, finished moving back home (This is going to take some getting used to but I’ll be fine...plus I still have a bunch of stuff in boxes that I have yet to unpack...baby steps)

-I have been getting settled at my new, post-grad job

Overall, I finally feel a bit more grounded now (at least in comparison to the past two months lol). So, I’m ready to get back on track again and start taking better care of myself.

I’ve been putting so much time and energy into other people lately and neglecting myself. I’m disappointed that I let it get to this point, but I’m ready to redirect my focus and start investing some of that time and energy into myself and my goals...not just the health and fitness goals. I have a bunch of personal and professional goals that need attention...

I have not been to the gym in WEEKS. But, that’s okay. The past two months have been extremely hectic and I needed to take some time to deal with a lot of stuff...some of which I’m still dealing with but, everything will be okay in the end.

I didn’t go to the gym today, but I did manage to get over 10,000 steps. This is amazing for me because, usually, I average around 4,000 to 5,000 steps a day (less on the days I’m not working). 

I’m aiming to start going to the gym again tomorrow. With how my schedule is right now, the gym is going to have to be an after work thing. I know this will be difficult for me for a while because I have always preferred getting my workouts done in the morning....I mean I could try to go before work but, with how early I start, I would have to be going to the gym at 4 in the morning...which would mean having to wake up at 3 in the morning (No thank you lol).

Anyway, I’m going to read then go to bed.

Good night, everyone! Sending you all good vibes and energy for the rest of this week. :)

Getting Back on Track

The past few weeks have been kind of difficult. I ended up getting off track with my fitness goals. Surprisingly, though, I have been able to stay on track with my eating. I’m not calorie restricting or anything (honestly, I stopped actively counting my calories a long time ago). I have just been making sure I focus on eating actual food and incorporating, at least, some servings of fruit and/or vegetables throughout each week. I also focus on how I feel after eating certain foods. If there is something specific I want or am craving, I just eat it. No big deal. Having a cookie (or 2) at lunch is not going to, suddenly, reverse everything I have done prior to this month. I think the fact that I pack my lunch almost everyday for work has also been helping me.   

Anyway, I really want to get back on track with the fitness component. I’ve stopped caring so much about weightloss. I just want to be strong (and to be able to do a pull up without any assistance lol). I also miss the gym in general. I actually got to the point where the gym was becoming a source of stress relief for me. With how life has been (e.g., personal stuff, the overall, disappointing state of the world, etc.) I think we all could benefit from finding those things that help us make it through each day.

I’m going to try to go to the gym tomorrow after work. It might be difficult to get back into my previous routine, but I’m ready. 

Accountability Post #5 (23 June 2022)

Arm day!

My workout consisted of:

1. 5-minute warm up on the elliptical

2. 23 minutes of weight lifting

3. 20-minute hill workout on the treadmill + 5-minute cool down after

Honestly, I almost didn’t go to the gym today. I had to remind myself of my fitness goals (and the fact that I pay for a monthly membership lol...). I ended up going later than I would have liked to, though. So, there were more people in comparison to these past few days. Thankfully, I was able to use all of the machines in today’s routine. 

I, most likely, won’t be able to go to the gym tomorrow. So, I’m going to go on Saturday instead. Tomorrow, I think I’ll try to go on a walk around the neighborhood or I might even see if my family’s old Wii still works and play Wii Fit (lol). Anything to get some movement.

Accountability Post #4 (22 June 2022)

Leg day!

Today’s workout:

1. 3-minute warm up on the stairmaster

2. 19 minutes of weights

3. 20-minute hill workout on the treadmill + 5-minute cool down after

I was unable to use all of the machines I usually incorporate into my Wednesday leg workouts. I ended up just using one of the other machines in my routine twice. Still feel good, though.

Accountability Post #3 (21 June 2022)

Today was arm day. 

My workout consisted of:

1. 5-minute warm up on the elliptical

2. 29 minutes of weight lifting 

3. 20-minute hill workout on the treadmill + 5-minute cool down after

Since I had not done any arm workouts for over a week, I made sure to take it easy during the weight training portion of my workout. So, I did not go as hard as I would have normally liked to. However, I still think I had a great workout. I feel good and am looking forward to tomorrow (yay leg day).

Accountability Post #2 (20 June 2022)

I did not make it to the gym. However, my Fitbit registered all of the cleaning and packing I got done today as “swimming.” That counts...right? (lol)

Additionally, I made it to 10,000 steps. Honestly, this has been a very rare occurrence, given the fact that I have been spending most of my time at home these past few weeks. So, I think today was still good. 

Also, I know that I was not consistent with my accountability posts last week (didn’t even last a day before becoming inconsistent lol). But, I’m not going to be hard on myself about that. I’m just going to try harder and continue to try. I’m really determined to not give up on myself this time around. 

Accountability Post #1 (13 June 2022)

Today was leg day (my favorite day :D) 

Before we get to my workout, though, I want to stress that, when I exercise, I do not aim for burning a specific amount of calories. My main goal is to move my body in some way, at least 4 to 5 times a week, for at least 30 minutes each session. I have found that, for me, personally, focusing too much on how many calories I am burning makes my workouts a lot less fun. I’m trying to relieve stress, not add to it.

Anyway...  

My workout consisted of:

1. 3-minute warm up on the stairmaster (trying to work up to around 5-10 minutes...3 is all I can handle for now lol)

2. 22 minutes of weightlifting (I, typically, aim for 15-20 minutes)

3. 20-minute hill workout on the treadmill, followed by a 5 minute cool down

In the past, I have always completed the cardio part of my workout first before moving on to weights. However, since the end of last month, at the advice of some gym bros (lol), I have been doing weights at the beginning and then cardio. So far, I feel great. It has taken some getting used to, but I’m starting to think I prefer this order. I feel that I am able to put in more energy and effort into the weightlifting portion of my workouts and still have awesome cardio sessions after. 

I finally have a routine. Once I start seeing results that actually show that this routine is working, I will definitely be sharing.

Now, I’m going to go shower, drink some tea, then go to bed. :)

13 June 2022

So...last month, a couple of my friends and I created our own 90 Day “Glow Up” challenge. We created goals that we wanted to accomplish together (e.g., trying a new recipe each week, working out 4-5 times a week, etc.). Additionally, we each created individual goals that we want to work towards during this time frame. Unlike some of the challenges I have seen gain popularity on social media (e.g., tik tok, insta, etc.) a component we added was that if you “mess up” or are inconsistent one day, you just try again the next day. There is no restarting or punishing ourselves. Instead, we will check in with ourselves, reflect on what’s working and what hasn’t been working, and then keep trying. We, officially, started our challenge on May 30, 2022 and will complete it on August 31, 2022. 

I have decided to start making accountability posts pertaining to my individual goals on this blog. My friends and I have been keeping up with each other on a shared google doc that we used to outline all the “rules” of our challenge. However, there have been days where I have not been as consistent as I want to be. I feel that making additional posts here will help me to stay on track. 

I also want to emphasize that with this challenge, the focus is not just on physical health. Additionally, instead of being stuck on losing weight, my personal aim is to build up my strength and increase my endurance. I also want to focus on my mental and spiritual health. Basically, my main goal is to really work on loving and being kinder to myself and my body. I’m using this summer to focus on myself and improve myself for, you guessed it, myself.

My next post will be my first accountability post for this week. Stay tuned :)

So...I, temporarily, deactivated my Instagram account just now. I also wanted to, temporarily, deactivate my Facebook, but then I remembered I helped run a page for a club I was in last year. This page still, occasionally, gets liked to this day. I’m not 100% sure how deactivating would affect the visibility of this page, so I’m just going to leave my account alone and, instead, log out out and delete the app from my phone. 

I still feel pretty good about Insta though. Honestly, out of all my social media, this one causes me the most pain (lol). I found myself checking it more constantly. I would attribute this to the fact that the semester ended a couple of weeks ago, which has left me with more free time. I found myself comparing my life with other people’s lives a lot more than usual. This made me start feeling bad about myself and even made me forget about my own recent accomplishments. I also checked the page of someone I should not be checking on (I just know my friends are going to scold me when I tell them about this). This is, mostly, because it always ends with me getting my feelings hurt when I do. Long story short...did not go well. I saw something I wish I didn’t see that ended up crushing my self-esteem even more (learned my lesson).

Anyway, I think I really do need this break from social media (excluding tumblr of course). I’m going to use these next few months to really focus on myself. I’m going to make my physical, mental, and spiritual health top priorities this summer. 

18 May 2022- Another Life Update (This time a happy one)

Well, I did it ya’ll. I have, officially, graduated.

These past couple of years have been rough, but I’m really proud of myself. Grad school is already hard on its own. Grad school with a pandemic AND a bunch of negative things happening in your personal life? Don’t get me started...

Anyway, I’m (cautiously) looking forward to what my future holds. So far, I’ve been able to cross off a few things from the vision board I made on New Year’s Eve. I’m determined to cross off more soon.

Also, with school out of the way, I think this is the perfect time to get back on track with my health and fitness goals. I haven’t stepped foot inside a gym in MONTHS. I’m actually looking forward to restarting tomorrow.

I know I’ve done this several times already. I used to feel embarrassed every time I would post about having another setback on here. But, you know what? I’ll restart 100 times if that’s what it takes to get to where I want. 

So, here we go again :)

13 May 2022

My dog died 2 days ago and I’m still heartbroken.

Honestly, it feels so surreal knowing that I’m never going to see her again. 

I’ll never hear her barking at the birds whenever they’re hanging out on the lawn or at whatever neighbor’s cat that’s strolling along our fence.

When I step inside my house, I’m never going to see her rushing over to greet me. 

I’m never going to be able to take her on walks again.

Or pet her.

Or see her lie down by my feet in my room, while I’m watching tv or playing video games or doing homework.

I’m never going to be able to take her hiking like I had always wanted to, but never found the time to (now I’m really wish I had...)

It probably seems silly to some people to be feeling so emotional over a dog, but she wasn’t just a dog. She was basically family. She joined my family when when she was just a few weeks old. We basically raised her and I had some milestone years with her as well. To top it all off, she was going to turn 11 years old this month...

I know bigger dogs don’t live as long as smaller dogs, but I was really hoping I had at least a couple more years with her. With me moving back to my family home, since I graduate soon, I was looking forward to being home more often. Instead of having to go back and forth between two cities because of work and school.

I feel so bad because I feel like I didn’t have enough time with her. Like I said, the past few years, I was not consistently with her because of work and school. 

Now she’s gone and I’m never going to get that lost time back.

Progress Report (28 March 2022)

TW: weight

So...this morning, when I was updating my stats in MyFitnessPal (which I haven’t done in almost a year), I realized that I’m 17 pounds lighter than I was last year in May 2021. Sometime between towards the end of December 2021 and the beginning of this year, I made the decision to stop focusing so much on calories. I’ve shifted my focus on eating more intuitively and on how the food I eat makes me feel. I have also not been actively weighing myself. I think the last time I stepped on a scale in my own home was over a year ago. The only reason why I know how much I weigh now is because I had a doctor’s appointment a few days ago.

I feel good because I hadn’t realized that I’ve made that much progress so far. I knew I had made some, since some of my favorite clothes weren’t fitting as tightly, but I had assumed it was probably just from bloating less.

I really hope I continue to see this trend. I’m also hoping that since it’s taking longer than I’m used to, it’ll be more sustainable in the long run :)

26 March 2021-Life Updates

Sooo...it’s been over a month since I last made a personal post on here. So, here are some life updates:

1. I have been very (extremely) inconsistent with both working out and maintaining a healthier diet. This year has really been kicking my ass. There is so much I have to do in preparation for the end of this semester. I know that is not an excuse, but I really don’t have any other reason to explain me slacking. I’m just so tired all the time. No matter when I go to bed and how much sleep I get, I still feel exhausted. I’m so stressed and burnt out at this point, but I can’t stop yet. I still have like 5 more weeks. But, those 5 weeks seem so far away.

2.  I’ve been actively planning my future. Anything to keep me going and to give me something to look forward to. I’ve been applying to jobs. I, recently, started budgeting and keeping better track of how much I spend each month. I made a list of places I would love to visit one day. I made another list consisting of things I want to try (pole dancing sounds especially fun). I even made a list of books I want to read within these next few months.   

3. I’ve been working on putting myself first. I’ve been, slowly, setting better boundaries with people and being more mindful about my own time and needs. I definitely worry so much (too much) about other people and what they think of me. I’m constantly worried about losing people. I’m always afraid that the people I love are going to get sick of me one day and realize they don’t want to be in my life anymore and no longer want me in theirs. It’s happened before, not even once or twice...I work so hard to make sure I don’t do anything that upsets people. I have realized that I, often, go out of my way to make others happy at the expense of my own happiness. I give so much grace to to people who would, no doubt, drop me the moment I make 1 mistake. And...I’m not saying you shouldn’t drop people. If that’s what brings you peace, definitely set those boundaries with those who are draining you and are toxic for you. What I mean is that I find myself letting people get away with talking to me and treating me in ways that they, themselves, would not tolerate. So...why on earth am I tolerating it, you know? Why can’t I set boundaries with people too? Why do I always have to feel guilty for putting myself first for once? I shouldn’t feel guilty for putting myself first and neither should any of you.

Anyway, this is just me rambling. Today, I cleaned out my fridge and went through my cupboards. I’m going to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I plan on buying actual food. Not just quick snacks I can take with me on the go. My goal is to cook an actual meal tomorrow night. I think I’m also going to find time to do a light workout or even just go for a walk. I really want to start feeling like myself again.

7 February 2022

TW: mention of calories

Just a brief check in today. No long, venting post this time.

Anyway...today went pretty well. I didn’t make it to the gym like I, originally, had planned. However, I was very mindful with what I ate today. I even managed to incorporate some vegetables and fruit. But, I also made sure to not deprive myself. For instance, after lunch today, I really wanted a cookie, so I had a cookie. AND...I didn’t feel bad about it all. I didn’t immediately head to the gym to work off the calories (which is something I would have done a few years ago).

I’d also like to highlight the fact that I went shopping for clothes this past weekend...and guess what? I didn’t have my usual mental breakdown in any of the fitting rooms I used (can’t wait to report this to my therapist LOL).

Overall, I’m really proud of myself. I know that meeting all of my goals will take longer than I’m used to, as I’m doing it with a healthier mindset this time. But, I know that, in the long run, this will be the best and most sustainable way. :)

24 January 2022-Reset

Hey ya’ll!

I can’t believe it’s already almost February. I really feel like this month flew by. I’ve been all over the place since this semester started. However, I finally feel that I’ve finally settled in and have gotten used to being back in school. I had all of these tasks I had planned to accomplish during winter break that I ended up neglecting. Honestly, I was beyond exhausted and burnt out after the end of my last semester. I, pretty much, spent my entire break sleeping, playing Animal Crossing, hanging with my family, and catching up with my friends over the phone.

The funny thing is, in the past, during winter break, which is like a month long for a lot college students, I would get bored around the 2 week mark and would start looking forward to going back to school for the spring semester. However, this year, for the first time ever, I didn’t want to go back...like at all. In fact, by the 3rd week of break, I was starting to get anxious again and was absolutely DREADING going back to school. I was even wishing I had an additional week, on top of the entire month, of break. Not only because I had not completed any of the tasks I had set aside for the break, but because I was still really tired. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I’m really not sure why though. Maybe it’s because I’m entering my second (or third???) year of the pandemic. Maybe it’s the fact that last year was awful and I was still recovering from everything that happened. Maybe it’s because this spring is the last semester of my degree and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life and just wanted more time to not have to think about that. Maybe it’s because I knew how lonely I was going to be again once returning to the city I attend school. Maybe it’s a mixture of everything...and more. 

Then those feelings of dread ended up turning into guilt. I felt guilty for not being more productive with my winter break. I also felt frustrated with myself, especially after realizing I now had very little time to accomplish a large amount of work by the deadline that was established prior to break. This just worsened my anxiety and dread. 

I ended up, reluctantly, bringing this up with a therapist. After telling them everything I was feeling and how I wished I didn’t choose sleep over work during my break, they said something that has stuck with me and will probably stick with me for the rest of my life. They said, “Maybe you needed that break.” They then proceeded to reassure me that there was no reason to feel guilty for choosing to rest. And you know what? I agree. It took a while to get to this point, but I finally do agree with them. I mean...I still think I would have benefited from getting at least SOME of my tasks done, but it’s fine. I really did need that break. Last year left me drained and broken and I needed to use that time to rebuild myself a bit so that I could be ready for this year.

This also reminds me of what I have told friends of mine these past couple of years. “If you don’t take a break, your body is going to do it for you.” Basically, what I mean when I’ve said this is that if you’re constantly on the go and not listening to your body and taking necessary breaks, your body is going to shut down when you least expect it. When it does, it’s going to be at the most inconvenient time of your life. At that point, you will have no choice but to finally slow down a bit and take some time to recover. 

I’ve decided that I really need to start applying this philosophy to myself. Not to hype myself up too much, but...sometimes I do give good advice. I just need to be more proactive with practicing what I preach.

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far in this long post (if you’re some of the new people who have followed me this past month, just to warn you...unfortunately, this isn’t going to be the last lol) thank you for taking the time to read my jumbled thoughts. I’m going to start back up with my fitness/health journey-related posts this week, now that I feel a bit more grounded. So stay tuned.

Until later, stay safe friends :)

Reflecting on 2021

Hey Ya’ll,

Not gonna lie...I am so happy that 2021 is over. Apart from the pandemic, there was a bunch of other stuff that happened in my personal life that I wish didn’t. I know I’m, definitely, not the only person who, unfortunately, relates to this. These past few years have reinforced the fact that we can’t control every single event that happens in our lives. The most we can do is the best we can to get by. 

I shed a lot of (unhappy) tears during 2021. I got my heart broken multiple times. I compared myself and my life a lot to my peers. I, often, felt as if I was living in a different timeline than some people. While I was watching other people reaching all of these incredible milestones (e.g., getting a new job, being promoted, becoming homeowners, finding romantic partners, getting engaged,  etc.) I, constantly, felt like I was just stuck. My mental health deteriorated. I neglected and lost myself. I felt like a complete loser in comparison to my peers. I also felt very jealous and, at times, bitter. I really longed for something incredible to happen to me as well. But, it just felt like one let down after another. The worst part is, I barely had time to breathe before the next negative thing happened. I was a wreck, basically...and not a lot of the people in my life even knew this. The ones who did were only aware of what I told them. I, often, left out details from my venting sessions because I was afraid it would be too much and they wouldn’t understand. So, they did not know the full extent of what I was experiencing.

This past week, I have been doing some reflecting on the past year as a whole. I, ultimately, decided that I never want to feel the way I felt last year ever again. That was the lowest I have ever been and just the thought of ever getting to that point again makes me nauseous.

Last night, I spent some time creating a vision board of how I want my 2022 to look like. I have never made a vision board before, but I have made new year’s resolutions in the past. Though...I have yet to actually accomplish any of the resolutions I have set during my 25 years on this earth thus far. Since I’m more of a visual person, I figured that a vision board would be an effective way to supplement my new year’s resolutions/goals/intentions (whatever you prefer to call them) for this year. I ended up creating mine on Canva. I then saved the document as a JPEG file and made the image my desktop wallpaper. That way, every time I open my computer to do homework, send emails, watch Netflix, etc, I am reminded of everything I want to accomplish for myself.

I know that there are a lot of changes I’m going to have to make in order to stay consistent with my goals this year. I’m fully prepared to make them. I’m not sure what it is, but I really have a feeling that this year is going to be different. And no, I’m not jinxing myself by saying that. I’m setting my intention for the life I want this year and putting it out into the universe to help manifest this. I know intention is not enough, but it is an important step in my pursuit of having a much better year in comparison to 2021 and having the best year I’ve had in a long time.

So, with that...here’s to a (for the most part) fresh start. I’m wishing a thriving year filled with many positive experiences and less tears for all of us. If your 2021 was actually a a positive year, then I wish you another positive year. I think we all deserve more happiness and less negativity, trauma and tragedy. 

Though, as I stated previously, you can’t control every single event that occurs in your life. So, additionally, I want to reiterate the following; do the best you can to get by. Even if it’s just waking up and getting out of bed, that is enough. You are always enough.

I’m really looking forward to how this year progresses for all of us. If you have also set any goals/intentions for yourself, I hope you accomplish them. 

Stay safe friends :) 

27 September 2021

Hey ya’ll.

It’s been a while (over a month to be exact). Sorry for the really inconsistent posting. Everytime I feel like I finally have it together again, something else happens or gets in the way. That’s life, I guess...

Anyway...I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting this past week. This post is going to be another one of me ranting/rambling, so feel free to scroll on (or read on).

I really want to get back into my fitness routine again. I’ve been feeling so sluggish, lately. I know that’s partly because I have not done a lot of physical activity since the last time I posted. The most I move around is when I’m on campus for class, which still counts for something, given how awful I have been feeling, but still...I know can do better. Though, I also know it’s important to not put so much pressure on yourself, but sometimes that’s easier said than done. 

I’m just really tired of always feeling this way...always feeling like I’m not good enough and that all my problems would be solved if I finally just lost the stupid weight already...but I have to remind myself that, even when I was thinner, life was not necessarily made any easier. My self-worth should not be so closely tied to my clothing size...

Last week, I made the decision to start focusing on myself. I deleted some contacts (and blocked some others). I decorated my room, which I’ve been wanting to do for the past year now. I caught up on my school work. I hung out with one of my best friends (we got Thai food and talked for hours). 

I even made a whole “glow up” plan for myself. However, when I say glow up, I don’t mean just my appearance. 

I want to glow up as a person in general. I want to be content with myself and be content with being alone. I want to connect more with myself more. I want to take myself on dates. I want to be more consistent with my spirituality. I want to meditate more and pray more. I want to start and end every day with reciting affirmations. I want to start writing in my journal again. I want to stop comparing myself to other people. I want to learn how to love myself. I want to validate myself without needing other people to do so for me. I want to do things I’ve always been afraid of doing because of posssible judgement (e.g. pierce my nose, get a tattoo (or several), change my hair, etc). I want to feel good about myself. I want to stop feeling like there is something wrong with me everytime a guy I fall for treats me horribly, leads me on, leaves me for someone else, or, simply, changes their mind about me. I want to stop always feeling like everything is my fault and that I don’t deserve to be happy. I want to do all of these things and more. 

I’m going to do all of these things and more.

I have, honestly, lost myself. I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment this started, but, over the past few years, I have really lost myself...

Here’s to finding her again.

19 July 2021

Happy (and proud) to announce that your girl made it to the gym today :) Getting back into my routine was, surprisingly, easier than I thought it would be.

As for what I’ve been doing for my routine, I’ve been continuing with my slightly modified version of the tik tok famous 12330 workout. If you’re not on tik tok or just haven’t heard of the workout, the 12330 workout is a treadmill workout that was created by Lauren Giraldo. Basically, you walk on the treadmill on an incline of 12, speed of 3, for 30 minutes. I’ve been doing a 10330 (Incline 10, speed 3, for 30 minutes). I plan on working my way up, incline wise. I also plan on incorporating additional forms of cardio, such as the stairmaster and elliptical, just to switch things up and to make sure working out doesn’t get to tedious for me. 

I also started incorporating weight training last month. Mind you, I am not an expert. I just do what each weight machine says and I pick the ones that target the muscles I’m trying to work. 

I’m sure there will be more days and weeks where I have little to no motivation. But, I will just try to push through them, as I did this time around, and listen to my body and gauge how I feel as time goes on.

For now, what I’m doing works for me. I will post more details (e.g. types of weight lifting, diet, etc) when I start to see the results I’m aiming for and when I become more confident with sharing. :)

Stay well, friends.

14 July 2021 (Long post ahead. TBH this is mostly for myself, but feel free to read if you want to.)

So...it’s been over a month since I started taking my fitness and health journey a little more seriously. I was on top of it for 3 weeks, but idk...After the 30th of June (which is the last time I stepped foot in the gym), I completely lost the motivation to keep working out. I haven’t even been going on walks either, which was something I started to look forward to and enjoy. Granted, the walk thing could be attributed to the weather. It’s gotten so hot that even at 5am, it’s already 95 degrees or higher. However, with the gym thing?...I’m really disappointed in myself. On top of that, my diet has been awful this week. 

My body image has been beyond terrible. Monday was the worst I have felt about myself in a while. Even though I was hanging out with one of my lovely best friends, all I could think about was how my body looked in the dress I was wearing and if people were judging my appearance. I ended up wearing a jacket over the whole thing because I was so self-conscious. 

Today, I’ve started to get back on track. The first thing I did this morning was meditate and repeat some of the many affirmations I have written down for myself. I have been lacking in keeping up with this and I plan to be more consistent in the near future. On top of this health and fitness journey, I’ve also been on a spiritual journey, which has also had a lot of ups and downs this past year and is a whole other thing that I will not get into today lol 

I also ran some errands that I have been procrasting on doing. I had a salad for lunch (go me lol). I cleaned out my fridge, which I needed to do because I have not been home for a while and a majority of the items in there were expired. Now all is left is to go grocery shopping, which I plan to do tomorrow morning. I’m planning to put my dusty crockpot to use (if the food I make turns out good, I’ll share a picture of it). 

Sorry for the long post. Again, this was mostly for me. I really want this blog to be a realistic place I feel free to share my journey, both the positive and negative. 

This week was more on the negative side, but that’s okay. Tomorrow is another day :)

17 May 2021

So, it’s been about 2 weeks since my last post. I haven’t really been consistent with working out or anything. I have finals to thank for that lol...However, the semester is now OVER, which means I now have all summer to start working towards my goals again. 

This morning, I was able to get out of bed and go to the gym, which I’m really happy about. I decided to try out that workout I’ve seen people rave about on tik tok. The 12-3-30. This is a treadmill workout in which you are walking at an incline of 12 at 3 miles per hour for 30 minutes. EXCEPT, I had to modify it to a 10-3-30 (lol). It was still difficult for me, though. I was able to do the whole thing, plus a 5 minute cool down, but, honestly? I think I might be modifying it a bit more in the future (e.g. reducing the incline more, reducing the time, etc). But, as of now, my plan is to try to do this at least 3 to 5 times a week and see what progress I make in a month or so (maybe even in 2 weeks, who knows?).

Other than all of that, I’m feeling okay. I’m still struggling with my body image, but I’m, at least, feeling a little better in comparison to when I last posted on here. That’s gotta count for something, right? :)

Fitness/Fitspo Blog Suggestions?

Hey ya’ll! I’m looking for some more fitness/fitspo blogs to follow. Honestly, I’m not sure if there are a lot of people still using Tumblr for this anymore, but I would like to try.

If you post anything related to fitness/fitspo or even recipes, body positivty/self-love, workout suggestions, motivation, etc, please like this post so I can visit your blog. Or send me suggestions of blogs I should check out. Maybe we can even be mutals and motivate each other :) 

2 May 2021

TW: Body image

Honestly, I’m really frustrated with myself right now. It’s been incredibly difficult trying to stay motivated during this fitness journey. I feel really discouraged. My clothes don’t fit me anymore. I really hate what I see whenever I look in the mirror. I’ve been trying to adopt the mentality of loving myself no matter what, but it’s really hard. It doesn’t feel genuine. But, I really want to be able to love myself at all stages of this journey. I’m just not sure how to at this moment.

Tomorrow’s a new day and the start of a new week. I’m really hoping I can get back on track, especially with the semester ending soon. Maybe I’ll have more time then to really just focus on myself and my goals.

Question: How do you stay motivated?

Me starting my fitness journey for the 1000th time in a row tomorrow :)

3 July 2020

It’s been a really bumpy few weeks for me this summer. One good thing is I have finally become consistent with working out. One of my fitness goals is to maintain some level of physical activity for at least four to five times a week. I have worked out 5 times a week for the past two weeks now :). Hopefully, I can keep it up.