Joel Beans - Blog Posts

I started drawing this during the episode as soon as what the wild card did was revealed, you guys I was manifesting this so hard you have no idea.

It happened, ok? To me. In my heart of hearts.

spent 5 hours on this y’all I’m tired.

I wasn’t trying to draw them but I got distracted ok? Regardless I’m actually so proud of how it came out this is very outside of my comfort zone but I think it’s really nice but everyone I showed it to said it was creepy and ugly or laughed please guys my ego has taken critical damage please encourage me.

also, unrelated, but a good piece of safety advice: if something is clearly labeled “LASER TUBE” do not touch it, ok? Getting laser’d hurts. I speak from recent personal experience.

what if… dnd au but instead of them being heroes and adventures within the dnd universe, they are just a bunch of nerds playing tabletops rpgs together?

like, Tango is the dm who has spent forever crafting the perfect home brew campaign and is determined to make it the most amazing campaign any of them have ever been part of. He’s got the custom maps and characters figures and costumes and voices and one session he even brings in a fog machine for ambience. He’s like the perfect dm to a bunch of perfectly terrible players who will only encourage each others worst dnd habits.

Etho is the one whose been playing dnd since, like, edition 1, and who shows up to the first session of the campaign and starts describing his character and someone’s like “are you playing kakashi from naruto?” And Etho’s like “oh is that who this is? I just found it premade online and thought it sounded cool” and he’s got the emo backstory and looks real cool but is in reality not actually that good of a character and whoever made it horribly messed up the stat distribution but for some reason he always avoids death and it stuck with the underpowered not-kakashi for forever.

Joel is the murder hobo (it’s a dnd term guys trust) who tries to kill everything who also renames all his spells and weapons on dnd beyond to really silly things and then forgets what they were originally and needs someone to translate for him. He will always make sure things get out of hand, accidentally starting cults, making sure the party is always at least mildly morally gray, killing people left and right, aggressively shipping his character with other peoples jus because. He is the embodiment of chaotic neutral. (He says he is chaotic evil in the life series but I think he is more chaotic neutral because chaotic evil will cause chaos for the sake of evil and chaotic neutral will cause evil for the sake of chaos)

Bdubs is the one constantly trying to befriend everything, who also unnecessarily narrates everything he is doing (ex. “I Am RAISING my EYEBROWS at you!!!!”) and he has a million pets and always makes Tango explain what each one is doing at that moment every five seconds and is constantly yelling at Joel for killing everything while Joel is always yelling at him for befriending everything. He will argue that the dice are rigged if he rolls badly and 100% has one of those dice time out chairs and will be extremely superstitious about which dice he uses.

Jimmy is the one who keeps having really great ideas but really terrible luck with the dice rolls, and always manages to stumble into traps. He’s also the only one trying to actually follow the rules and remain completely in character, like everyone’s like “oh it’s probably over here!” And Jimmy’d be like “yeah WE know that but guys our characters wouldn’t!!!!!!!!” And he’s like the perfect player in terms of how nice and easy he makes it for Tango to dm but is terrible at the actual gameplay. He will loudly boast to the enemy that they are about to “get WRECKED, FOOLS!” And pulls out a spell that should kill them instantly if he rolls anything but a nat 1, and guess what he rolls lol.

Scar is the one whose character dies first session and he just picks up a pen, writes “jr” next to the character name, and shouts “I’ve come to avenge my father!” he’d also name his character something like “Hotstuff McSexyman” (if Joel doesn’t take that name first) but actually be surprisingly wholesome and moral, if kinda bad at combat. Extremely oblivious as a player, Tango has to spell out the answer for each puzzle and he will kill an ally genuinely thinking that it’s an enemy.

Grian is the one playing a firmly non-human character who has just the most normal guy core backstory, like “yeah I’m Clarence, I’m 45 with a wife and kids and I’m going on this adventure to celebrate my retirement.” But he’s like a lizard guy or something

Gem is the one who makes a really nice and sweet and normal dnd character and then combat starts and she takes out a magical great sword powerful enough to one shot the BBEG (it stands for big bad evil guy and it’s real dnd term. Gotta love nerd culture) and rolls a nat 20. She is also the only reliably sane one here (Grian goes about managing his sanity like he does shifts at the permit office, and Etho is sane but his character turns out actually to be pretty ineffective at, like, everything so there’s not much he can do except have the privilege of being driven insane rather than already being so. Everyone else is a maniac, some just their characters but not in real life, some are just as crazy “irl” [as in within the au] as their characters)

there is a lot more that could be done with this and a bunch of other people to include these are just the initial thoughts I had.

My alternative piece for day 5: lore! This was actually what I was planning to post day-of, but I wasn’t able to get it finished in time so I posted a drawing that I happened to have finished at the time, even if it didn’t really match the prompt lol.

anyway my pieces for today and tomorrows prompt may be a little late, depending upon when I’m able to finish them.

It was a lot harder to let go during limited life than in the past.

come on Joel! You can do it! Win that series! 7th times the charm! Cause if you lose me the betting pool a seventh time in a row I will personally come and murder you ^^! for legal reasons that was a joke.

…

*shuffles papers* uhh don’t gamble, kids.

(Just wanted to clarify: we don’t bet real money. My sister, a couple of neighbors, and I make a life series betting pool where you are allowed to contribute basically anything but money. Sometimes it’s normal things like a bag of candy or a favorite book, and sometimes someone decides put their 3-D printer on the line. For Jimmy. The printer now lives happily in its new home. Occasionally the original owner is permitted to use it. Anyway it’s all for fun and we all go in knowing there is a chance that we will lose our bets. So far I have lost three different books, the label maker, the rights to pick what’s on tv for a year, and a bag of glitter for Joel.)

also, the reason he has skizz sleeves is because we all like to ruin the surprise for ourselves as soon as we can. Curse you name mc /silly.

You better not lose me my MCR: The Black Parade poster Joel, or I’ll. I’ll. I’ll. Um. I don’t know what I’ll do, but it’ll be real bad. Be scared.

alt versions below the cut vvv

Joel week day 4!!!!!! I made another silly one, just trying to make up for whatever angst fest my day three was lol. The prompt was headcannons, and I don’t know if I headcannon this so much as I just kinda wanted to draw this lol I was kinda out of ideas at this point. This is actually the last piece that I have pre-prepared, so idk what state the last two are going to be in.

A while ago I posted a bunch of low quality doodles and sketches of a silly idea I had of Joelina Carpenter, basically the Joel equivalent to Ariana Griande for Grian, and I wanted to draw them again, because idk they are silly and this is for silly lol

They would sing born this way by lady Gaga. Because I said so. Also Ariana is a rapper. To me.

lurv ur art it is butter and sprinkles and hot chocolate and other nice things. A smallishbeans, perhaps, for the Jeremys? Jere..Jeremies? Jere…you know what I’m trying to say spell. Joel fans. Fans of Joel. Even smaller beans, if you will (or if you won’t). In any case, love ur art!!!!!

2 for the price of one!

Day four!! This one I went a bit sillier on, but I had a ton of fun!

it’s @risibledeer’s anime Joel!! I love this guy so much, he’s so silly!!!!(Btw, everyone go show her some love for organizing this event!)

also I realized I’ve been neglecting to mention in my post said event, so to clarify this is for 7 holy nights of Jeremy, aka Joel week

anime Joel you will always be famous <3

Since we can also do our own aus and designs, I’m also going to include an unfinished doodle from my mtg au that’s been sitting for forever and I’m never going to finish so oh well. It’s pretty weird lol, I just figured that if I was basing Joel off of Tamiyo, he should get the Tamiyo treatment (as in fate worse than death and all that) Then Etho appeared, idk how that happened/silly I know how it’s because I’m totally normal about boat boys lol. I’m hiding it below the cut cause tbh I’m kinda embarrassed lol.

it’s day threeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is probably my favorite piece out of all the ones I’ve prepared so far, although I’m a little nervous to share given that I put a poem on it and I’m not much of a writer, but I’m really proud how it came out in the end regardless. I wanted to go for a style reminiscent of a dark fairytale, and tried to challenge myself by going out of my comfort zone for pretty much every aspect of this piece lol. Also I signed my name all fancy because idk I wanted too.

The sketch I did which I’m also pretty proud of below the cut, I made it at like 3 am so excuse some of the weirdness lol vvvv

The poem ended up being a lot longer in the actual thing.

it’s day two!!!! Prompt: obsession! I think you all can predict what Mr. Boat Boys Brainrot thought of for this lol…

I put in 7 Etho references in Joel’s outfit lol, see if you can catch them all (you might have to click to unblurify the image lol)

also that’s meant to be pix during Hermitcraft recap, hopefully that’s clear what with all the “Hermitcraft recap”s all over. Also I’m really proud of that background behind Joel, I based it off a reference picture of his base and I think it came out really nicely.

also bonus sketch:

I know it’s sideways but oh well, I still think it’s funny even if it didn’t get used lol.

Edit I totally forgot to tag lol that’s embarrassing

I pixeled the guy ever. This is my first time trying pixel art, so I think it came out alright all things considered!

for some reason it’s teeny tiny and i have no clue how to unshrinkify him so uh i guess click for non bug Joel? (It’s ok you’ll always be a bug to me Joel smallishbeans ^^)

ITS THE NIGHT. ITS THE THING. THE SEVEN HOLY NIGHTS OF JEREMY HATH BEGUN.

Since @imolyhollowcold asked to see the smalletho x floral canyon essay, I shall share. Because I have to rewrite everything to make it actually readable since for some reason I decided to write the whole thing on paper and im not gonna give myself a headache trying to go back and forth typing it up, I’m gonna have to post it in parts.

here’s part 1/6, everybody’s falling in love, I hope it’s legible lol.

Here is the song:

it’s time! It’s here! Hurrah! It’s the week of Joel!!!!!! Everyone get ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 1: throwback

I decided here to draw my favorite Joel moment ever when He screams “YOU ARE A FAILURE” at the top of his lung during secret life and then immediately backpedaling with “…sorry I’ve had a really long episode.”

also the earrings say Life Merch because, well it’s Joel he sure isn’t famous for his subtly.

edit: I totally forgot to mention what this is actually a throwback to lol, this is from secret life.

!!! 7 Holy Nights of Jeremy aka Joel Week is Coming Soon !!!

read on to learn more! vvvvv

Do you like Joel Smallishbeans? If you said no, you answered incorrectly. Also why are you still reading this? This post is clearly very in-favor of the yelly beans man. If you said yes, congrats, today is your lucky day, because, surprise surprise, I am also a fan. This is a propaganda poster totally normal info sheet about Joel Smallishbeans Week, otherwise known as 7 Holy Nights of Jeremy, welcoming fans new and old to participate in a week of prompts dedicated to the man himself, the smallest of beans and the tallest of Joels, Joel Smallishbeans! The event is run by @risibledeer, and uh, not to brag, but *checks nails all cool-like* I’m friends with her and stuff and she asked me to make this poster. So yeah. I’m basically really cool by proxy. Go check out Risi’s pinned post for the prompt list!

If you are a faithful Jeremy, but are only just finding out about this event and are panicking because you only have three days to put together your pieces, not to worry! We’re not gonna not enjoy your art / writing / live donkey / other thing just because it’s a little late! The more participants, the better. Spread the word of Jeremy throughout the land of tumblr, no matter how long it takes you! Or don’t, if you don’t feel like it, ig.

There is no pressure to do all the days, do whatever you want to, any level of participation is welcome, appreciated, and encouraged!

We are all very excited to see all the new Joel content, so make sure to tag any Joel Week related posts as #7 holy nights of Jeremy! (I have no idea if tags are case sensitive but just in case [puns lol] go with all lower case as that’s what is used in the prompt post) so that we can find and admire your stuff!

If you are interested in participating, first of all, great, go right ahead, second of all, make sure to reblog this post, or the prompt list, or both, so that Joel week can reach as many Jeremys and otherwise potential participants as possible!

(Also Risi does this make me one of the hosts lol?)

wasn’t Joel’s latest episode ever so lovely?

Joel smallishbeans, never change

guys I will actually explode if I don’t share this RN, but basically the band *repeat repeat has an album called the floral canyon and the following songs in the following order are so boat-boys-through-double-life-to-current-day coded to me it’s crazy:

Everybody’s Falling in Love

Be This Way

Ghost

Mostly

Hooks

Hang it Low

Girlfriend (<-this one is mostly self indulgent, but still)

no I will not change my mind. yes I will elaborate. I may or may not have written a literal essay on this. Like, not even exaggerating in is actually an essay. Guys I’m actually going insane help.

btw feel free to ignore this post lol.

I had to draw them being their idiot selves. @risibledeer has the context and everyone else will just have to wonder lol.

They’re so stupid /aff. thank you for the idea Risi!! ^^ also while I’m here I love the art for the Joel week coming soon poster it’s so cool, everyone go and look at it it’s so pretty !!!

some sketchbook Joel’s (a small slice of Gem’s face also appears lol)

I want to probably do a polished version of the fight club one later. And maybe try to make Gem look less excited to be murdered. Expressions are hard, ok?!

as for doll Joel *picks up package and shakes him up and down violently* I just think he’s neat.

Edit: also ignore the thing I blocked out on emo Joel drawing it was a insane little ramble I didn’t want to inflict upon you all lol

what if I drew the bad boys as that one photo of three out of four of the killjoys?

Bigb and Pearl voices because I think collectively they would be dr. Death defying : “Look alive sun shine! 109 in the sky…

I’m could write out the whole monologue but I’m not going to for you guys sake.

The photo vvv

*resisting the temptation to make a danger days au*

oh my goodness gracious @insomnya777 thank you for all the compliments!?!?! I’m so glad you liked my drawings!! Also, glad to know it’s clear who the favorite is lol. (It’s Joel. I am a Jeremy through and though/silly) said I would do a nicer fanart, and so here it is!! I’m not sure how I feel about the colors but oh well.

I kinda went a little wild on the shading lol here’s the color flat as well vvv

Anyway thank you so much nya!! I love your au it’s so fun and creative and has lots of fun world building and ahh you’re so cool and stuff!!! (Also thanks for clarifying about Etho lol, that’s actually so cool I may have to do something with that in the future, also I’m realizing this post is kinda out of context for basically anyone but you lol, oh well)

things I drew at 5:00 am last night. No I don’t know why I was up or felt compelled to draw Joel Smallishbeans at such an hour, but here have my insanity in paper form.

for context he’s singing I’m not okay by MCR. I could have kept going with the lyrics. I am unsure as to whether that’s a flex or a sign of a problem.

^This is from @insomnya777’s super au. Sorry nya if it’s inaccurate again this was 5 am Ian and he’s a little bit strange and also I didn’t have internet and couldn’t check to see what the outfits actually look like but I’m now motivated by this terrible sketch to make proper fanart of your au because it’s amazing! (For like a month I had forgotten that the Etho-listening-to-Paramore factoid was from your fic and thought it was true and subsequently listened to, like, their entire discography because I was like “I mean if Etho likes ‘em…” lol)

I forgot how stupid this looks lol I’m still so proud.

hoppin on the silly trend train because I find it so funny to see it done with Minecraft characters because the disconnect is real.

Like. Obviously the biblically accurate canon appearance of the Minecraft cubitos that we all collectively brain rot and obsess over are not going to even vaguely resemble the real people we draw them as, and personally I think that’s beautiful.

a continuation. There is context I promise, but I think only one person has said fabled ‘context’, and she knows who she is. (It’s @risibledeer. *radio noises* Risi, mission status report, Joel has successfully been pied. Over and out. *more radio noises* Also sorry for tagging you in like half a million posts lol)

Joel, Joel, Joel. *shakes head sadly* You underestimate our power. Also I know this isn’t exactly how canon watcher lore works, (huge understatement lol), but I just figured the original intention was that we the viewers were the watchers so I kinda just rolled with that. We are annoying little eyeball ghosts who will pie you if you look away for a second lol. Anyway this silly comic took *checks notes* 3 and a half hours!? Wow why did I make this lol /silly im unreasonably proud of this stupid comic.

also: Risi you have infected me with your speech patterns I now feel compelled to end every sentence with ‘lol’ *resists urge to write lol again*

A smallishbeans (wow I type that so often autocorrect thinks that’s a real word lol) because I can. I was bored and had nothing but printer paper and crayola markers on hand so all in all I think it came out pretty well.

more au doodles!! ^^ *cries*

(This is referring to my Hermitcraft x magic the gathering au. I’m currently working on Joel because I’m definitely not obsessed, and I’ve made him Kamigawan (during the neon dynasty) because it fits his season 10 theme

guys this took so long. And I kind of hate it. But I spent too long on it to not post it so here it is. (Below the ramble)

So I’ve decided Joel is only half moonfolk, which I don’t know if that’s a thing in mtg canon but it is here because that explains the hair, why he’s in Towashi (cause otherwise that would defeat the whole point of him being kamigawan), and also nerfs him for me. No floating for you!! Ig he can just, idk, jump really far? I’m still working things out. (Also i still gotta figure out how Joel’s spark ignites, and how that affects that plot given that I’m setting during the phyrexian invasion, mostly, cause timelines are gonna get a little wonky)

As for Etho, here I have him as a Kami, but that could change later if I decide he’d work better as a planeswalker. The only Kami type I could find that appeared even vaguely humanoid were oonas, but those are specifically only women, so ig trans Etho? Idk, like I said I’m still figuring it out. (Ooh, I could make him a face stealer Kami that I forgot the name of and am too lazy to look up and just ignore the canon design!) currently he’s wearing a placeholder outfit while I figure out his design. also disclaimer I’m kind of ignoring and making up a lot of stuff from mtg canon for this au, so if something doesn’t match what you know about magic lore, you’re just gonna have to accept it and move on.

also I’m sick rn so, um, big sad.

Also minus the background stuff:

I’ve recently discovered that wizards of the coast makes soundtracks to go with each set and i have listened to the kamigawa neon dynasty (it’s actually my favorite set what a coincidence that my fav hermit happened to be there in my au) soundtrack an embarrassing amount of times. Also next I’ll probably do Tango’s design since I know where he’s gonna go (im basically picking a planeswalker or powerful creature for each hermit to base my design, origin, and role in the story off of, and of course Chandra was the obvious pick for tango) but I have to do a bit more research on Kaladesh before I can confirm my design.

also Joel is based off of Tamiyo (so that gives you a clue as to how much liberty im taking with these designs/ backstories/ personalities/ actions / everything of the things everyone is based off of) and for those of you who know the lore, and are wondering if I’m gonna do to Joel what wizards of the coast did to Tamiyo, >:D. Wait and see.

We got Ariana Griande. Now we get Joelina Carpenter. Look out hermits in drag club you’ve got a new member!! (By the way this whole post in not serious. I’m making a silly pun because that’s kind of my branding)

Assorted low quality doodles:

Because I’m back in the building again (never left lol) I will probably make some Joelina related boat boys posts.

I’m confusing everyone who follows me except for the 1% in both fandoms, but : magic the gathering x Hermitcraft au. Working title is HC: Into the Blind Eternities because I think that sounds sick. I am doing this 90% percent because Joel’s base gives off massive Kamigawa vibes, so of course I had to start with him lol. I decided he would be a moonfolk and took inspiration from the card art on Tamiyo field researcher, Tameshi reality architect, and Moonfolk puzzle maker. The face got smudged but I managed to salvage it at the cost of him being way grayer than I intended. Oh well.

The funniest part about this either that fact that, ya know, he’s kinda stealing Pearl’s thunder what with the moon stuff (it’s okay we’ll find her another awesome role), or the fact that, if his hair looks like this, then he would have had to dye it brown first and then dye it green on top of that lol.

@risibledeer’s ipad kid Joel. Dis for u Risi!

I decided he is fancy shmancy iPad kid, so his are see through and he has two of them! Also his earrings say shrek life. Because it’s Joel.

I realized I hadn’t drawn Joel recently enough and was suffering from withdrawal like any normal person would, so I searched up smallishbeans and started scrolling through images looking for inspiration to draw, again like any normal person would, when I came across what is possibly the greatest picture to ever be taken

I failed miserably at capturing the look of pure joy on Joel’s face, or the look of absolute smugness on Lizzie’s, which is a shame. Someone more talented than me should redraw