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Tinder - Blog Posts
That’s what I would unironically do if I was ever to talk with human russian female
Seriously, I don’t have the heart left for these things.
new comic! 😀 meeting face to face
shout out to my sister who got banned from tinder for being a folding table
Tinder
My Trophy Bislut Wife has been so entertained these past few days since she has discovered the Tinder app. She says it's easy to find sexy girls looking for other sexy girls
I want to match those chubby girls on tinder. Don't hide your wishes and your body, please!
Anna says, “Bring me a pizza, and I’ll let you lay on the couch while I smother you with my fat fluffy belly.” (ssbbwannaoli.tumblr.com)
Hot! I wish my future cuckolding girlfriend would tell me all her tinder short stories like you do.
Story time :))
I got a message from a super cute e-boy lookin guy on tinder asking if we could get stoned and have sex , so obvs I said yes . We discussed our kinks and limits beforehand and decided a safeword . He warned me he gets v rough but it just made me excited.
Later that afternoon he came over , as soon as we got into my bedroom he shut the door and pinned me up against it, shoving his body into mine and forcefully making out with me . It took me by complete surprise as we hadn’t even said two words to each other . I was tense as it happened so fast and tried to pull away but he kept me in place and smiled as his hands felt up and down my body . He whispered “relax princess” in my ear and kissed my neck as his hand went up my skirt . I was still nervous but quickly turned into a drooling, submissive mess for him to play with . He quickly moved my panties to the side and as he slipped one finger inside me , my body jilted and I gasped . He laughed and called me a pathetic slut for being so wet for a stranger .
We smoked a joint each ( if u didn’t already know , weed makes me exttaaaaa horny n my pussy v sensitive .) while we were smoking he asked me to get undressed, he played with my tits and sucked on them , covering them in red marks . He then began to play with my clit , slowly rubbing his thumb on it . he said I couldn’t cum until we’d finished smoking , it was complete torture . I was a drippy naked mess on the bed begging to cum , while he was sat there still fully dressed , smoking a spliff, laughing at me.
He undid his belt and said “I’m going to give you what you want now ” , I knew what that meant , so I dropped to my knees and opened my mouth. He praised me for being such a good girl and kissed my forehead before shoving his big cock down my throat. He face fucked me hard while telling me how cute I looked choking on dick , I then got my head shoved down onto his balls so I began licking and sucking as he said “ I can tell you’ve done this before, you dirty slut .”
I got dragged up off the floor and pushed onto the bed, he quickly wrapped his belt round my neck and started fucking my pussy hard from behind. I was close to cumming pretty much straight away . It was the hardest sex I’ve ever had, he was pounding me full force as his big thick cock bruised my cervix . I couldn’t moan as the belt was choking me to the point I’d almost lost consciousness, every now n then the belt would loosen and he’d slap me hard across the face to bring me back round .
Finally , he took the belt from around my neck and I dropped to the bed . I was light headed from the choking , high af and still trying to catch my breath . He spun me over so I was laying face up and he crawled on top of me . I must have looked as destroyed as I felt as he was suddenly v gentle with me , I was pretty out of it . he stroked my hair and made out with me while rubbing his cock against my clit. He kept squeezing my face and telling me how cute he thought I was and calling me his pretty baby. The more I came back round, the faster he’d rub his cock on my clit . It felt amazing, I was dripping wet and moaning. I was about to climax when he stopped and suddenly forced his cock into my ass . I let out a loud moan from pain and pleasure as he began to fuck it. He laughed and rammed three fingers into my pussy and groped my tits hard with the other hand . I was cumming again and again , begging him to abuse me more. he got rougher and more aggressive with me , repeativly slapping my face and tits and spitting on me . i thanked him for treating me like a dirty slut and that’s when he came in my ass .
One evening my girlfriend explained to me laying on our sofa, that she isn’t satisfied with just one guy. I first was surprized but excited. I asked her why and if she was into threesomes but she refused. Finally she confessed it actually was quite nice having sex with me but that’s it. She needs more, she said.
I admitted that I never had in mind to restrict her liberties and suggested to register again on tinder, the plattform were we had met. She opened her app sitting next to me and she still had her profile – with alot of matches showing up. I wasn’t mad but hella impressed so I agreed that she could pick one guy to start and see if she can get laid. Uhm, she chose an older guy and messaged him the whole evening long. The date was set on the next evening for dinner.
So the next afternoon we went shopping and I bought her a new summer dress. She looked amazing and we had an awesome afternoon. We even ordered a prosecco outside of a café and got drunk before she left for our place. I kissed her and wished her good luck as I stayed in the café waiting for her message to come home too. Half an hour later, one minute before her appointment, I already got a message containing three pictures of her stating she was already all wet and so excited. I was so proud of her being my girlfriend and I was sure that he couldn’t control himself when she opened our door in that cute little dress and that she would get laid that night. Do you think she got fucked good?
My new tinder date will be here any minute!! Do you think I’ll get laid??
I feel so proud of myself. 😆 What happened was that I had created a Tinder account to explore the then "new, trending social network" before it was closed down for <18yo users. It was viral in US among teenagers that's why. 😅 So Tinder disabled my account (they gave deadline when it wouldn't be available for <18yo, I was June I think) before I even deleted my account. This is actually a huge concern. They "disabled" my account, means it wasn't deleted just that I couldn't log in. I confirmed with Tinder if it was the case and the response was positive. 😮 The moment I received their response, I immediately requested them to delete my account. Few weeks later, they denied my request and said I can log in again when I'm 18yo to delete myself. 😠 I was so irritated. Met with such resistance, I recalled a law that I had read before regarding personal information. So I went to find out more and used the law against them. I formally issued them a legal request, to delete my account in pursuant to the Online Privacy Act. 😛 Few weeks later, they retreated and passively assented my request. 😄 I honestly love laws. I like reading laws. It's fun. 😋
I don’t know about you, but dating apps are a comedy goldmine. Don’t get me wrong—I understand their purpose and how they’ve helped so many people find connections, but honestly, they’re like an endless source of entertainment for me.
First of all, the profiles. Some are well thought out, showcasing someone’s personality and interests, but then you’ve got the absolute gems. The guys who upload blurry photos from 2010, or better yet, a group photo where you have no idea which person you're supposed to be swiping on. Or the ones where they pose with a fish—what’s with the fish?! Is that supposed to reel me in?
And let’s not forget the bios. I’ve seen it all—from overly poetic lines like, “I’m a wanderer looking for my partner in this chaotic universe” to the extreme laziness of, “I don’t know what to put here, just ask.” You get two extremes—people trying way too hard to sound deep and philosophical, or people who are straight-up giving no effort. Both are funny, in their own ways.
The conversations, though, that’s where the real comedy kicks in. Sometimes you get a perfectly fine opener like, “Hey, how’s it going?” Other times, it’s like people forget how to have a normal conversation and come in with, “You’re cute, wanna get married?” I mean, at least they’re getting to the point! But really, there’s no better way to start a day than by reading awkward pickup lines or someone saying something completely random out of nowhere. It's like people are playing a game of How weird can I be?
And then there’s the unmatched confidence some people have. Like, they’ll send one message and if you don’t respond in 15 minutes, it’s either “Hello??” or worse, “I didn’t like you anyway.” What even is that?! The speed at which some people can go from interested to offended is impressive.
Maybe I’m just here for the show, but dating apps, to me, are like reality TV: a little absurd, a little unexpected, and always good for a laugh. Sure, I might be looking for a real connection, but I’m definitely going to enjoy the comedy while I’m at it.
@tinder Hinge and Bumble can eat my entire ass. Not one single match, no conversations, not a single date. How are these considered dating apps? I feel like I wasted my time on a disingenuous app with no people on it. Why leave my profile up, so these sites can pad their algorithms with zombie profiles? All of these are owned by Match Group LLC, unsurprisingly their products don’t work.