Well, On This Blog You Only Seem To Have Eyes For Fictives Of One Person, And Im Not A Version Of Him..

it sucks so much to be so desperate to feel loved, yet so incapable of beliving i deserve it...

the feelings i have arent anything new,, ive just been in denial for a while.. not the trauma feelings, the other ones..

-⛓

i understand.

i hope all goes well, but i feel uncomfortable on your behalf to continue talking about this publicly. this is dangerously information to give to the public.

however. we can continue talking, if you’d like.

i want to be loved in the same amount that i love.

I love obeying, I love taking orders, tell me how to masturbate, tell me what porn I should watch, i'll do anything

tw.

my skin is scrubbed raw and red. my head is pounding and i’m shaking feebly. as i run the water, washing the sink out, watching red and clear mix and swirl down the drain, and as i wipe the spit from my lips, flushing the toilet and watching nothing but bile swirl down it’s own respective drain, i slump agains the wall.

is this really where i’ve gotten myself in life?

i can handle being treated like shit over and over again, but i can not handle you leaving me

please, don’t bother reading. it’s just another tw’d vent post. what’s the point.

god, i’m useless.

what kind of captain thinks like this? what kind of captain puts himself first? i’m pathetic.

i just want to be good for someone. i just want to be someone’s first choice, their favorite.

i don’t want to be a leftover. i don’t want to be left behind.

i don’t want to be alone again.

i can’t be alone again.

my thighs hurt so much. my head and fingers and toes are throbbing, probably from blood loss. i can’t keep doing this to myself.

i can’t keep running from my problems.

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

Hehheh, I think its ok. But if you arent careful this sick, broken woman might get the idea that she can relearn how to be loved../ch -⛓

anyone, and everyone, can learn to be loved.

I said things you didn't like..

-⛓

you are quite within your right to say things i do not like.

i do not tolerate negative self-talk here. not from others, at least.

that was all. you have not upset me.

i am never going to be good enough.

you’re going to leave like everyone else.

whether it be because you got bored, or because i upset you, or because you realize i’m just not worth it,

you’re going to leave.

and i’m not ready for you to go just yet…