What Most Men Don't Understand Is That "ruining You" Means Doing So For Other Men. Fucking And Caring

The heart of practice is building trust so that ever deeper levels of energy exchange become not only easier, but entwined in the romance of your life together.

I've been following this lady on TikTok who runs an anti-porn account out of what I can only describe as sociological curiosity. Basically, when I first encountered her videos I sniffed out pretty quickly that she was both a) very very cishet and b) a religious conservative and listening to her talk about sex and relationships has become this fascinating window for me into how The Other Side lives.

Like one of the main conceits of her content revolves around the fact that men have to constantly fight against being overcome by lust, which is hilarious to me, someone who has read fanfiction, because acting like cishet men are somehow uniquely prone to being gooners is so deeply ignorant of how anyone outside a religious conservative community lives.

Just to repeat myself

I've been seeing a recent influx of followers so now is a good opportunity to repeat a post I've made before:

This blog is not a safe space for nazis, trump supporters, right wingers, transphobes, homophobes or actual real life misogynists.

If any of the above describes you, kindly fuck off.

Sometimes a girl wants a man to silence, her racing thoughts and a distractions so that she can practice becoming a good girl.

What does it mean to want to practice becoming a “good girl”?

For some, this is solely about being “good” in the eyes of the person she wants to hear that praise from. This is perfectly valid and very common among submissive girls.

For others, it is an internal sense of moving toward a personal goal that involves accepting and amplifying her feminine and submissive personal identity. For these girls, it is often times a want that their Dominant partner helps them to silence racing thoughts and distractions related to her feminine and submissive identity not being valid. The incorrect idea that it is inappropriate for a woman to enjoy and seek out experiences that activate her sexual energy if that sexual energy is particularly feminine and submissive.

Feminism includes the fact that a woman has the right, the essential and inalienable entitlement, to live her life anyway she wants to in this regard. If she is excited about being acute and girly submissive who derives pleasure from being the object of men’s pleasure… She’s entitled to that authentic personal sexual identity.

So, sometimes a woman pursuing the development of her sexual identity. In this regard will seek out a Dominant to create scenes that help her practice having access to these elements of her sexual identity.

Maybe He tells her that his boot on her mouth is symbolic of making these noises shut up.

Maybe He doesn’t and just lets her imagination activate on it, letting her get turned on by His direct act of seemingly disempowering degradation. Maybe the humiliation of having a man’s boot on her mouth, triggers her drippy cunt into action and then he further humiliates her by pointing out the fact that his boot on her mouth is turning her on.

Figuring out the tone and words that are enough to be guiding into the right direction without them overwhelming the submissive takes good communication before and after playing out a scenario like this. What she needs might even vary from one scenario to another. Sometimes it’s important to try the same energy of a scenario a few times, before there is enough understanding to have clear communication about it afterword.

Navigating the experience, takes trial and error in order to determine what practice really needs to look like so a woman can develop and embody the energy she seeks for herself.

It is always important to understand what you are both consenting to. A Dominant doesn’t want to get it wrong any more than a submissive wants the Dominant to get it wrong.

Trust and communicate.

Don’t be afraid to try something that didn’t work quite right again if you don’t yet understand how to communicate about it.

In that case, DO communicate about the fact that something didn’t quite go right and that the reason for trying it again is to give it a sincere chance at working while being more experienced should it not go well again.

I’m not saying that if something went horribly wrong that you have to do it again. I’m saying that if something didn’t go quite right, not to be afraid of trying it again while communicating in advance that something about it last time didn’t go quite right.

Sometimes practicing something means exploring around the edges where something didn’t go quite right so that you can clearly understand and communicate about why.

Aftercare. 💙✨

I know most people know what subdrop is, but for the few who don’t I’ll explain.

Subdrop is what happens to your body after you’ve drained your brain of all the hormones and chemicals that it released during a scene or session.

Meaning, after you‘ve come down from your high, you start to feel mentally and emotionally attacked from what just happened. You start to think all these bad things about yourself and how someone normal would not find what just occurred pleasurable in anyways.

That’s why aftercare is important. Showering your sub in compliments,food, cuddle sessions. Just stuff that will make them feel like you care and that you don’t judge them for enjoying what they like.

Another thing, I’m positive that most people don’t know is what topdrop is. It’s the same as subdrop but it affects doms/dommes.

I know some people will be like- “Doms/dommes don’t go through that, nothing like that bothers them.” That’s where you’re wrong.

Remember we’re all human so no one is exempt from feeling used or feeling disgusted with their actions even though they shouldn’t be.

Not many know this but being a dom/domme is exhausting. A good top plans physical punishments or sexual scenes down to the T so their is no room for accidents and after all that planning and executing said plan they sometimes feel bad for doing what they did or even feel used in a sense.

That’s why aftercare is important for both parties. Show them that you care and that you appreciate what they did. Reassure them that they didn’t hurt you in a bad way and that they only did what they did to help you grow. ASK👏 THEM👏 IF👏 THEY’RE👏 OKAY👏!! Especially right after a session.

That can be the difference between showing that you care or not.

AFTERCARE IS A NECESSITY FOR BOTH PARTICIPANTS!!👏💙✨

The energy flow of kink can help motivate things beyond your sex lives.

I greeted him at the door on 4" heels, a high ponytail, and a satin apron.

He pushed me into my apartment with hungry kisses and desperate gropes.

I peeled back the layers of a long day at work: briefcase with a thud by the door and the friction of his belt through each belt loop. The buckle jingling as it fell to the floor.

He bent me over the table and thrust himself against my back and ass before unzipping and revealing his excitement to me. I ran the stiletto heel up his inseam while using the mental map of his body to guide my hands to revisit my treasure.

His mouth and hands raced to discover every spot that would make me gasp or moan. I cocked my head and squirmed in the shadow of his stature. The high ponytail danced against my skin.

He grasped my long brown tresses at the tip and recalled all the photos and videos in his wank bank of arched backs and bent necks.

He yanked so hard that he herniated C5-6. During the surgery for my artificial disc replacement, my surgeon found a bone shard 3mm from my spinal cord.

The man who whispered in my ear of how i was “marriage material” moved to Toronto 2 weeks after he damn near made me into a quadriplegic. He closed on a house the day of my surgery.

To this day, I jump when someone puts their hands near my head. My ears ring constantly. And every time I see one of you all post a photo of someone having their hair pulled, I think about all the pain one dumb, badly-executed move caused me.

1. Get consent. 2. Give warning. 3. Grab slowly and smoothly at the roots 4. Movement comes from the wrist (minimizes chance of injury to directional force) 5. If need be, let the person with the hair being pulled hold on to your wrist to either limit your movement or as a failsafe. 6. Over time develop trust with your partner to dial up neck extension, force, or speed.

All that and the fucker never even gave me a single orgasm.

The key here, is to choose the path you want your arousal driven adventures to take, and to then enthusiastically practice what you need to practice in order to bring that life into reality.

Edging with the proper focus, and purpose for practice is an essential part of this.

Be a good girl.

Identify what you want your life to be like.

Use consistency in edging and a goal oriented practice to help yourself manifest it.

If you’re ashamed of your kinks, you just aren’t horny and desperate enough to accept that you’re better off as a complete degenerate. More edging will solve that. Agree and obey.

I’m not going to name the original author of this as I don’t know them personally and feel like calling them out is not necessary. Very often these kinds of posts are just poorly wrought fantasy scenarios where advance consent for a consensual non-consent experience and I see no need to hash that when the point I am making doesn’t require devolving along that irrelevant and argumentative line of discussion.

I am going to rebut the content because it is essential that we remember that BDSM on Tumblr is not a closed and in-community space.

The original post:

My rebuttal:

I am lately trying to give the benefit of the doubt to people who post things like this and assume they are just presenting a fantasy scenario they have a kink for, however this sort of content is important to not just leave floating in the world framed as a legitimate example of any sort of BDSM practice.

People can of course choose to fantasize about rape dynamics all they want, but it is important to occasionally remind people that Tumblr is a public facing space (not an in-community space) and it is never appropriate to publicly pretend to educate people (the original blog name suggests they are a blog for informing people on BDSM topics) by using scenarios where safewords are not allowed or where they will be ignored and not respected.

Submissives deserve more representation for their role and the rights and responsibilities they have in exploring the depths of their role.

This original post is not informative as BDSM training other than as it serves to be an example to subs in how to identify fake dominants.

The use of demanding and colorful phrasing is of course good in trying to trigger a sub’s fantasy-based sexual energy and then to manipulate a triggered sub into falsely believing that if they participate they are then ultimately at fault for the subsequent rape and abuse that is inflicted by the fake Doms who actually think this is a valid BDSM experience.

100% of the originally stated experience can be completely manifest and explored within a responsible framework where the sub has the power to stop the experience with a safeword.

If a Dom requires there be no safeword then they simply and irrefutably lack the skill and competency to function as a Dominant are instead of developing those basic skills they are choosing to harm subs while shifting the blame for that harm onto the sub.

How and why is this true?

A Dominant is a person who guides the submissive into and through experiences the Dominant thinks the submissive needs to have in pursuit of whatever training goals have been mutually agreed to in advance. (This can, of course, include having CNC experiences.)

All of this occurs while the sub is safe and properly cared for so that they are not inadvertently subjected to emotional or physical abuse and trauma that leaves them less whole at the end of their experience more whole (or at the very least on a mutually agreed path to being more whole), which is the only way any BDSM scenario should ever end. Anything else is not part of the BDSM community and is emotionally and/or physically abusive.

The safeword provides the submissive a constant state of awareness that they retain the power to make any experience pause/redirect or stop entirely.

Keeping that power in the submissive’s hands is the mechanism by which the Dominant navigates the sub through their needed experiences. Breaking through a sub’s unwanted boundaries and obstacles is done by working inside the boundaries until the Dominant helps the sub release or cross the boundary willingly.

Even where the suspension of disbelief is so strong they feel they cannot use their safeword, the sub still has a safeword they can use and if there are ever any signs of harm should be checked on by the Dominant before moving forward.

It is a Dominant’s responsibility to check in when a boundary is being dismantled to make sure the submissive wants to continue to experience that boundary’s dissolution. The sub has the power to stop moving forward, but the Dominant has guided them to a point where they can successfully break down the obstacle.

That is what being a Dominant actually looks like and that is why real BDSM Dominance is always 100% safeword dependent.

The safeword is THE SINGLE TOOL that makes a BDSM scenario capable of progressing through a submissive’s chosen challengeable / changeable boundaries responsibly. It is, of course, a given that they will have boundaries that cannot be challenged or changed and the Dominant must not approach those off limits boundaries.

Any “Dominant” who says otherwise is just an abuser with poorly developed interpersonal skills who cannot actually guide a submissive into and through a BDSM experience. They are just someone who wants to get off abusing someone while being able to blame them if it doesn’t go how the sub wanted or needed it to go.

These facts are not open to debate or discussion.