Just Returned From An 5 Hours Walk. Every Sounds Makes Me Want To Hurt Myself. My Parents Just Existing

I was not made to be happy, it seems to me I was made to be miserable. I've realized that I am unable to have fun like others, interact and feel joy like others, to see life like others, to enjoy things and activities like others. My face doesn't get that puffy even when I cry frantically for hours, the redness around my eyes always fades very quickly. Ironically it really is as if my body was made to be miserable.

One of my darkest secrets or thought, is that I wish, fantazise abt my parents dying. I actually don't want them to die, i love them so much, I want them to live happily till they're very old. But they are the thing that is stopping me from killing myself. I know it would destroy them, ruin their lives, I've already done that a bit being alive, I can't do it even more. I can't hurt them like that. But killing myself is my only true desire.

I simply can't be happy in my body, with this mind. That's why I want out, even when I won't be happy, I atleast won't be miserable, I will be free. I genuinely feel I am either not meant to exist at all or only meant to exist to feel miserable, both make me want to die either way.

I spend my nights wishing something would get better but it never does, it only gets worse. These are supposedly the best years of my life, what the fuck is the rest gonna be like that then. Worse of course lol.

Actually ended up having an amazing day and will continue to do so. And then an amazing week and month.

I’m no therapist or anything. I can’t fix what’s making you sad. I can offer hot chocolate and hugs though. I hope things get better. If you like cats i hope one comes and purrs on your chest.

Thank you!! That's very sweet of you, I appreciate it <33 I wish cute cats upon you aswell

I sat behind her in class and I saw a kpop stage vid on her recommended page 😳

What the fuck is wrong with my brain. I met the ppl in my uni course yesterday, one girl caught my eye, we spoke once.....and now my brain is cutting to lowkey romantic fantasies about her.

What video games do you like? Is chocolate the best or THE BEST? What music do you like?

Ooo only game I play is minecraft absolutely love it even when the updates are mid asf, somehow still not bored to death after 11 years. Idk if that counts cause I'm not into the games, but I really like fnaf lore just like it's own.

Hot chocolate is soo good, but only at like cafés or gas stations. I can't make a good one at home lol. Chocolate itself is a hit or miss for me, but rather delicious ofcofc.

This is such a bad answer, but I don't have a certain genre I like the most (not too knowledgeable abt niche genres anyways). I like the basics, kpop, lana del ray, mitski, boy genius the cranberries etc. But my playlist are mostly bunch of random songs I've found.

Gotta love it when the shift you kinda didn't wanna do turns out to go along well, even being enjoyable.

Me flirting

Since i was a little girl ive always wanted to throw up blood and die

I want my mom to hold me and then tuck me to bed. Put me to sleep so sweet and deep, I'll never wake.