Kissing You Was The Best And Worst Desision Of My Life.

I have a serious addiction. I cant stop. Its been a year and a half and i just keep finding new places. Anywhere i look are covered in scars. I dont know how to stop, and i dont know if i want to...

I don't see him anymore... i think about him all the time, and its neither of our faults. Sometimes I think whats the point of bei g with someone if you can't even be with them? but then I think about him- because he's the one, if that were to exist.

I've never felt like this... fuck I miss him.

Were keeping distance because were both not ready.

my scars haven't even healed, and i don't think they're going to heal anytime soon.

Hes not ready to be open and trust me

My mind is a constant battle, and even when we were "together", I couldn't mentally handle it.

I'm really not ready, and neither is he, and it fucking sucks because I think he's the one.

ik its only been a short time, but I think I love him.

but it doesnt matter. he's gonna move on soon, but I never will.

Im in one of the worst places mentally that I've ever been in. I don't understand what I did wrong. Why did he stop answering my texts and leave me on read for days??? Why only now after only a week hit me up again and think I'll just come back to you? I probably will but that's not the point. If I just disappeared... Would you even notice? You wouldnt care... I know, because I've been gone for months and you haven't even noticed. It's all too much for me... Fuck.

I said it would be fine. That i was okay just being your friend... until you told me that you love her and that you would wait for her. You once said that to me, and now you dont even think about what we once had, because to you, that was nothing. I knew i was just your rebound, but i just wanted to know what it was like. I was in it for the rush, that high you get. But little did i know there would be such a dark fall after. Were good. Weve both moved on. But, still i go back to us holding hands in the movie theatre, telling me you love me. Well, not really. You went back to her a few weeks later. Youre chasing someone who doesnt love you, and im chasing you, who doesnt love me. What made me this messed up that i dont look at the people who love me but only think about the one who doesnt? Because whats not healthy for you always has the best high, and once youve had a taste, youre hooked.

Ive become so impulsive lately, im scared of what i might do next.

-i might do something even more permadent than dying my hair, piercing my own ear, or kissing my ex

He broke me so many times, but for some reason i'm only at peace when im with him

- i know this will end horribly, but im out of here soon anyways...

Aint it funny how life changes...

I gave him a piece of me i know ill never get back...

Dont give up Never give in Its never too late To start over again I know you feel lost Like theres no way home But just listen to these words And think about this poem Look up, up, up to the sky And dont be afraid to fly On the wings of faith Or to ride the waves If only you knew That these words were true That i speak the truth That you are loved Far above what you could possibly imagine You are loved with a passion Loved by everyone And if not, its their loss They must not have known what they missed out on They havent got a clue You know youre lost We all wander from Gods perfect plan But why not return? Deep down, no matter what you've been through No matter what you're going through You know the truth So why run away? Why must you still stray? Youre always avoiding these questions Because it's "too much work" Maybey cuz you think "you're too far gone" STOP! Because God ADORES all your flaws and quirks His heart breaks when you no longer think he's enough for you That you've got this Let me be the first to tell you. You've got it twisted. You NEED him! Even if your life doesn't completely fall apart You'll be incomplete without your Saviour You wont be joyful You'll be sad You wont be loving You'll be mad You might gain money, fame, and things of this world, But there will always be something missing You'll ever be whole again Not without Him Turn back to Him! He will get you through this Not support groups, not rehab, nor friends and family He already knows the real, unfiltered you You might ask "why isn't he helping then?" Because you haven't let Him yet He wants your permission Its not like you want some random person to start "fixing up" your life You would at least want them to get your consent, right? Its kinda the same thing, because the Lord is polite Some of His ways might Seem brutal and unkind But trust me when I say, you WILL be alright! It might seen crazy at times But it's one exciting ride of a lifetime! So hop on His path, And follow his ways Trust me when I say If you let Him, He will guide you day by day And trust His perfect timing And know that your His child No real harm will come to you When you let him take the wheel And if you're ever doubting, just remember He IS the real deal!