Latest Posts by continous-mistakes - Page 3
❀。• *₊°。 ❀° 。。° ❀ 。° ₊ * •。❀
𝙷𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚑𝚊𝚔𝚒 𝙷𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜
❀。• *₊°。 ❀° 。。° ❀ 。° ₊ * •。❀
Calendar drawn and made by @the-coffee-fandom inspired and encouraged by the wonderful @boldlyanxious
Welcome to the first Hanahaki calendar event! Hosted in the month known for its showers bringing flowers; May!
A week dedicated to a popular troupe, Hanahaki Disease, which came along in 2008, August 9th. It is a fictional disease in which a character coughs flowers which grow inside them from unrequited love.
How you use the prompts is up to your own creative interpretation! You can use the quotes, flowers, word, or all of them! Do one day, the entire week, do a poem, a masterful piece of art, drabbles and incorrect quotes, or even just a quick doodle. Have fun with it!
Need inspiration? Don’t feel like researching flowers? Flower symbolism has been premade! Just click here to view!
While created with the Maribat fandom in mind, any fandom may use it. But I do hope to see some of my Maribat fans!
Tags for Tumblr:
#Hanahaki Hours 2023 #Hanahaki Hours
Tags for Ao3:
Hanahaki Hours 2023 Hanahaki Hours
Ao3 Collection:
https://archiveofourown.org/collections/HanahakiMay
Tag @the-coffee-fandom and reblog for others to see too! I will reblog any I’m tagged in as well.
Please feel free to reach out to @the-coffee-fandom however you’d like if you have any questions! Especially if you need more information on flowers.
Written out prompts below the cut!
May 7:
Quote: “Everything is temporary, this was merely one of those things.”
Flower: Hyacinth
Word: Wither
May 8:
Quote: “I never thought I’d be the one to hurt you.”
Flower: Butterfly Weed
Word: Acceptance
May 9:
Quote: “Why do you hate me?”
Flower: Lily
Word: Dose
May 10:
Quote: “You know I’m always right here for you, right?”
Flower: Cyclamen
Word: Excuse
May 11:
Quote: “They don’t love me, they’re not that stupid.”
Flower: Lily of the Valley
Word: Term
May 12:
Quote: “I don’t care if you don’t want my help, I’ll do it anyway.”
Flower: Rhododendron
Word: Courage
May 13:
Quote: “Lie to me then.”
Flower: Rose
Word: Cover
Substitutes:
Quote 1: “I’m not going to cry, it isn’t worth crying over.”
Quote 2: “How much of that did you hear?”
Flower 1: Petunia
Flower 2: Begonia
Word 1: Smoke
Word 2: Clear
sometimes i say things on twitter and then make a little graph about it
First Fic: Thank You for the Topic of My Next Therapy Session
Crossposted on ao3 Leave a comment if ya like it or have ideas!
Inspiration: BioDad!BruceWayne
Chapter 1 of 4
Marinette has not been having the best few weeks lately. Akuma Attacks are becoming more frequent and violent, Luka has just been turned into an Akuma (again), and she is having to deal with a life-changing revelation (also again!?) that she should have been ignorant of for the next few years! But no. Her Ladybug luck just had to be with her as she opened her mother’s important documents drawer while in search of something significantly less important than what she did find! Her Maman only asked her to find her pearls, but what Marinette found were lies and significant emotional damage.
That happened weeks ago. She refuses to acknowledge it, so Sabine has no idea that Marinette knows, and honestly? Marinette would like to keep it that way. For as long as possible. Which might not be very long at all with the way this day is shaping up.
Luka Couffaine, an amazing boy who Marinette genuinely cares about and trusts as a friend and permanent member of Team Miraculous, has been akumatized into Truth (AGAIN! Can Hawkmoth be original? For once?) because she refuses to admit to being stressed and yes she was fine, Luka. There is no need to be worried. Now, he is gunning to expose her secrets. Starting with her classmates who are with them on the Liberty.
“What is Marinette’s biggest secret?” Truth demands, enforced by the magic eye-thing strapped to his back. Hawkmoth’s really pushing it with these Akuma designs lately. Like, the black with the blue assented suit is nice and the glowing three eyes are a cool touch. What Marinette draws the line at is the frEAKING HUGE HUMAN EYE THAT IS HANGING JUST BEHIND HIS HEAD. Safe to say, she is not impressed.
“Marinette has a crush on Adrien!” Each student yelled when hit by a beam of white-colored light. Right, the Akuma is trying to find her secrets and should be taken down without getting hit. She can do that. Also, this is exactly why she will not be sharing Ladybug's identity with you, Alya. Just because you are part of the Underground does not mean you are privy to all of the secrets.
“Everybody knows that! That’s not a secret!” Wow. Like... ow. Truth is just being mean at this point. Marinette can keep a secret! She has been Ladybug, Multimouse, and the Guardian for years with nobody finding out her civilian identity unless given permission. ALSO! She can confidently say that she has gotten over her crush on Adrien Agreste. Was it hard? Yes. Will Marinette always have a soft spot for the boy who was also her partner in cri- heroism? Absolutely. Did she realistically have time between being Ladybug, running the Underground as Multimouse, going to school, completing commissions as MDC, and helping her parents in the pâtisserie for a crush? No, she did not. The stress of doing so was actually the main motivator to let the crush go (unknowingly advised by said crush before the reveal).
Though it is a bit freeing to know that she now blushes, not from the reveal of her once crush on Adrien, but because everyone still believes she hasn't worked past it. Which... wow, that really says something. Something that Marinette will put on her "deal with later" list.
Oh no, Truth is looking at her. He must have heard her sigh. Fuck
“Ladybug, tell me your biggest secret!” he demands. If she was just a bit faster in hitting the deck, she wouldn’t have been hit on her right foot. was touched by the compelling laser. Double Fuck.
The distinct purple moth mask appears over the face of Truth. Hawkmoth was watching, the psychotic bastard. Marinette has run out of fucks to give. Three is too many.
“M’lady!” yells her partner, Chat Noir. He must have seen her get hit because he began to run at her, unbuckling his belt. Thank all that is good, for she had the same thought as Chat to use the belt as a gage. The problem with that idea is that it is assuming that he can get it to her before she spills any secrets. You know what they say, assume makes an ass out of u-and me.
Marinette could tell from the sudden tension on the boat that everyone on that boat, Hawkmoth, and the thousands of people watching on the live stream Alya's blog was hosting were waiting for the admission of her civilian identity. It was what made Chat Noir run faster. What made the students (and Hawkmoth) hold their breath. It was not, however, what was causing Marinette to go through three panic attacks at the same time. No, that went to the knowledge that written on her birth certificate, in the space that was for the name of the birth father, was Bruce FREAKING Wayne. Also, the adoption papers claim her as Tom Dupain’s daughter.
Her birth father wasn't the man who raised her! The man that she has grown up loving and hugging and bonding over video games with wasn’t her blood. The man who was her blood didn’t want her. And she knows this because she found no divorce or marriage certificates between her mother and Bruce Wayne: meaning he got her mother pregnant in a one-night stand or broke up with her as soon as he found out she was pregnant!
Then he went and adopted Richard Greyson only a few months after she was born, making her self-confidence dive off the Eiffel Tower! The emotional weight just got heavier as she researched, and Instagram/Twitter stocked her would-be-siblings in the weeks since she found out. They looked so happy and comfortable! Happiness she could have been a part of if she had reached some type of criteria her father had that the others did. Marinette is sure that she would get along super well with them, yet she couldn't be claimed as their sister when Bruce had so easily thrown her away.
Under no circumstances can she say all that as Ladybug, though. It could lead anyone curious enough to look to find out her identity. Good thing she knew Bruce Wayne was Batman. A startling realization at the time, but ultimately made sense. Didn’t make the feeling of inadequacy any better. Against her will, she opens her mouth and just barely finds the mental strength to switch the names Bruce Wayne and Batman before speaking.
“My father isn’t my father! My bio dad is Batman, and he abandoned me, and my mother doesn’t know that I know now... FUCK.”
Silence. Pure silence. Able-to-hear-a-pin-drop silence.
“...what?” The silence is broken. Chat stands stunned staring incredulously at Ladybug like everyone else on the boat, but with the added layer of actually knowing her civilian identity. If Marinette could see Hawkmoth right then, she would have seen the same state of shock as her classmates. The would-have-been-helpful belt lays limp in Chat’s hand as they all try to reboot their brains. Truth rebooted faster than the others.
“Why did he abandon you?” Ladybug, mentally screaming, couldn't move before the laser hit.
“The hell if I know, he left as soon as he found out my mom was pregnant!” An assumption on her part, but pitying and sympathetic looks come from her classmates anyway. Chat is still stunned. The chat on the live stream Marinette had forgotten about stops for a second before rapidly whizzing by with many expletives and shocked face emojis. This will hopefully be a moment to laugh at in a few days... oh Kwami, please.
“Do you resent him for it?” Ladybug tried to dodge, but her section of the boat was small and open. She got hit.
“Yeah, a little. He abandons me and my mom and then a few months after I was born, the first Robin comes into the picture. So, it kind of hurts.” At this point, the students are too invested to move, and it is safe to assume that Chat will not be of any help during this fight as he is too far gone.
“Are you jealous of the first robin?” Ladybug has no choice but to charge head-on and take the laser.
“I don’t think so. I’m more hurt by the fact that he continued to adopt more kids, but never came back for me. And STOP ASKING INVASIVE QUESTIONS!” He engages her in hand-to-hand combat that has her performing awe-inspiring acrobatics to get around the eye. She lands a solid punch to his liver that has him doubling over just as the next question is asked.
“Would you want a relationship with your siblings?”
“I have always wanted siblings, but I don’t know if I can even call them that since Batman didn’t choose me but chooSE THE OTHERS!” Her last words were yelled in exertion as she judo-flips Truth over her shoulder with impressive agility and core strength. She is quick to snatch the akumatized necklace and break it. Purifying the Akuma and Amok, Marinette looks to the sky and heaves a long-suffering sigh. “Holy FUCK Batman. Thank you for giving me the next topic of my therapy sessions.”
The French Government issued a blackout of all things Akuma-related at the beginning of this whole fiasco to keep from attracting the Justice League and their million-dollar guarantee solutions. It did not, however, withstand France's 64.6 million citizens working towards the same goal.
They loved Ladybug. Like they loved her. She is the hero that created the team they can always depend on to save the day anywhere in France! Much more than the Justice League who had ignored her repeated calls that were sent outside of France and the blackout (It was a busy week for reporters when their beloved heroin had gone public with the ignored request for help. Fuck you Green Lantern).
They loved her so much that to not only find out that Ladybug is the daughter of the American vigilante, detective extraordinaire, Batman, but that he also abandoned her, their displeasure will not go unheard. Every one of the thousands of people tuned into the Ladyblog’s live stream had saved it, cut it to manageable bits, and then sent it to everyone they knew on every internet platform they were on. 26 hours later, the rest of the world was calling for an explanation for the viral video that kept changing titles to not get deleted.
The French government had no choice but to lift the blackout.
As a result, the Ladyblog skyrocketed in viewership and recognition for its consistency in recording the Akuma fights (much to Alya’s delight and her friend's bemusement). Many viewers would just watch the saved live stream. More would watch the rest of the videos. News articles are read, websites visited, and people watched the Duo of Paris and, later, their Miracle Team take down villain after villain, day after day, battle after gruesome battle. With the Parisian public singing their praises, it wasn’t long before the rest of the world adored the Parisian Heros just as much as the locals - if not more so.
All that the world was waiting for at this point was the inevitable reunion of the "Batfamily" and the Justice League's response to the Heroes of Paris.
Our Saviour Red Hood, Patron Saint of the Poor and Downtrodden, Protector of Gotham
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now.”
(art by the wonderful @gotham-gargoyle )
Some ranting, theory-crafting and inspiration behind this commission under the cut :)
Keep reading
I so see this happening
I just know Jason is so fed up with the rest of the Batfam not knowing how much of a shitbag Dick was when he was a teenager. I know this man looks like a complete nutcase when he tries to convince Tim or Damian that Dick had his asshole phase, too. Don’t believe his fucking golden boy, depressed, running on fumes, burnt out, “I’d give everything and then some for the good of the world” act. He’s a lying liar that lies. It’s ALL lies.
Mr. Professional Older Brother was a goddamn menace to society, and Jason Todd is gonna PROVE IT, DAMNIT.
“I know what you are,” says Jason.
“Lol,” says Dick. “Lmao.”
Dick being zen and jason being jason:
🖤💜❤️
Jason does the "get help" throw with Dick cause Dick is like a cat, always lands on his feet
They practiced while Dick was Batman until it was a force of habit for Jason
And then Bruce returned
Group text
Dick: [laughing while looking at his phone] Please tell me I'm not the only one seeing this
Tim: [looking at his phone] Oh my gosh
Damian: What? My phone is charging. Just tell spit it out
Dick: [in a Bruce voice] Weekend safety brief, One: don't add to the population; you know who you are. Two: don't SUBTRACT from the population; once again, you know who you are- [brakes off into more laughing]
Jason: [reading off the list] Three: stay out of the hospital, the newspaper and jail; please. Wow ye of little faith much?
Tim: [reading off the list] Four: if you do end up in jail, establish dominance quickly and non lethally. Yeah, wow...
Damian: Tt. Of course he sent that knowing you heathens
Jason: Hey, "don't subtract from the population; you know who you are" your grouped right in there with me kiddo
Damian: [grumbles]
Tim: Well, at least us three aren't the "you know who you are" in the first one [looks at Dick]
Dick: [gasp] Hey!
Damian: True
Dick: [arms crossed] I don't know whether to be offended or laugh
Tim: [shrugs] If it makes you feel any better for all we know Bruce could have been referring to himself
Jason: [chokes on laughter]
MARIBAT ARROW APRIL 2023
April is dedicated to the ARROWS. This can be any member of the Green Arrow/Arrowverse extended family.
Roynette Shippers This Is Your Month!
Got an even rarer pair? Those work too!
It can also be BioFam!
Do one prompt! Do them all! Any participation is great! They just serve as ways to encourage that creativity. No Pressure.
This year we are adding an extra prompt weeks for the most popular arrow ship: Roynette! Like with the calendar, only write those prompts which inspire you. You don't have to do them all, and you don't have to do both (though, extra kudos to anyone who tries).
AO3 COLLECTION:
This is the same collection from last year, with a new tag, so if you are looking for last year's this is it now.
TAGS FOR BOTH TUMBLR AND AO3:
#Arrow April #Arrow April 2023
BE SURE TO TAG THIS BLOG @MARIBAT-CALENDAR-EVENTS AND REBLOG SO OTHERS GET A CHANCE TO SEE TOO!
Guidelines
Any orientation or relationship style is welcome and encouraged (familial, platonic, romantic, aged-up NSFW)!
Any creative works (writing, fics, drabbles, head-canons, art, poetry, incorrect quotes, etc.) are accepted
Tag @maribat-calendar-events in your works so we can share it
Use the hashtag so others can see your work
Keep NSFW works under the ‘Keep Reading’ line with an appropriate warning above
Questions? Send us a message/ask, or contact @izanae
Get creative and have fun! We all look forward to your participation and submissions!
imagine vigilante!Marinette in gotham wielding the fox and/or cat but instead of messing with the bats she keeps saving their asses because they cannot last one night without a near death experience
she has to pull batman's cape back to keep him from falling off the roof
picks up nightwing's escrima sticks so he doesn't trip over them again
purposely trips or shoves red hood so he misses a bullet. or multiple bullets.
shakes tim awake because he keep dozing off mid-battle
takes out goons about to sneak up on damian
and they never notice
bonus: it's biodad bw and the whole batfam thinks they're successfully hiding their nightly activities from marinette
Arguing about who is Damian's favorite brother
Jason: Dickhead doesn't count! He's basically the brat's second dad!
Damian: Actually I already have a method in place to determine which one of you wastes of space is my favorite if I'm asked.
Jason: Oh? Don't keep us in suspense then.
Damian: It's simple really. Whoever has the highest kill count at the time is my alleged favorite.
Jason: HA! Suck it losers!
Dick: No fair! I killed the Joker!
Jason: What?
Damian: And while I would normally count that as at least 10, since Father revived him-
Jason: WHAT!?
Damian: Todd, we cannot stop to explain all of the family drama everytime you find yourself out of the loop. You will simply have to unblock us and rejoin the group chat.
Tim: Yeah Jason, get your family updates like the rest of us
Damian: As I was saying, since the Joker isn't dead despite your best efforts, I've decided that your count is at 5.
Jason: So I'm your favorite?
Damian: No. Your confirmed kills are between 20-40. Unfortunately, Drake is my favorite since his confirmed kill count is in the low hundreds.
Dick: I'm sorry. Can someone please explain how my Baby Bird has a kill count at all
Tim, trying to escape through the vents: YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL ASSHOLE!!!
Damian: You swore that you didn't touch my Taj Mahal Lego set. I guess we're both liars
Jason: the Batfam member I see most as my brother is Tim
Dick: What!!! That's no fair, I should be your brotherly-ist brother!
Dick: No offense Timmy.
Dick, turning back to Jason: But I am the one who has been your brother longest, I helped you kill that druglord, I even gave you some of my cookie dough last week!
Bruce: uhhh, back to the druglord thing-
Steph: You shared your cookie dough with him!
Jason: Sorry Dick, but there is one thing that makes you brothers more than anything else, not blood, or time, but...
Jason and Tim at the same time: Contempt
Jason: I have contempt for Tim, like all siblings should. Really the only thing I love more than hating Tim is shit talking other people with Tim. That form of contempt is how siblings bond and I will just say, surprisingly I love bonding with Tim even more than I love terrorizing Tim
Tim: aww, I didn't know we were that close
Jason, panicking cause he doesn't wanna ruin their dynamic: *punches Tim in the gut and runs out*
Tim, shouting after him: You can't take it back now, you ass
Jason: *turns around while running to give Tim the middle finger*
The chaos really happens when night falls and they need to sleep.
Damian, standing on the only twin bed in the room: I will get the bed.
Jason: Like Hell! You're small enough to be sleeping in the fucking sink. I will be getting the bed.
Dick: I think two people can have the bed.
Damian and Jason: NO!
*Tim, too tired for this, kicks off his shoes and gets comfortable on the small kitchen counter using the paper towel roll as a pillow. He is asleep within seconds*
Dick: well if you both won't share, then I'll take the bed.
Jason: That's not fair!
Damian: You can't do that!
Dick: I am the oldest, I get to do whatever I want!
The ensuing pillow fight was vicious and would have taken the bedside lamp as a casualty if Duke wasn't there to save it. Duke, like Tim, is tired and sees the bathroom tub for the option that it is. He uses the chaos to grab a pillow from the bed and lock the bathroom door. Duke took the bedside lamp with him.
With the Girls:
Barbra: I get the right side.
Cass: left.
Stephanie, debating if getting squished in the middle is worth still sleeping on the bed: I want a pillow.
Okay so i hate that the batkids are rich purely because they dont have those classic siblings experiences. So here is me putting them in those horrible situations.
*the batkids are in a hotel room with only one bathroom*
Jason: DICKHEAD get the fuck out or im gonna piss in your suitcase!
Dick, over the sound of water: I'm taking a SHOWER
Tim: AND? Hurry it up assman, I gotta brush my teeth!
Damian: I hope you all eat shit and die. I've been waiting longer than all of you.
Meanwhile, in the girls room:
Steph, barging into the bathroom: i gotta take my makeup off and brush my teeth. Deal with it.
Babs, in the bathtub: i dont even know why i try to lock the door at this point.
Cass, slipping in to use the sink: making instant mac n cheese. None for you guys.
Steph: bitch.
Cass: whore :)
Gala season at Wayne Manor
At first Jason couldn’t tell what was so wrong about what was happening, Bruce had brought him, Dick and Tim back to living in the manor, for a few weeks he said, a new villain he said.
Then all the boys got their measurements updated, the uniforms need updating he said, “Oh dear boys, still growing I see.” Alfred said.
Then a weirdly big number of workers started frequenting the manor.
Alfred: Oh master Jason don’t be so paranoid, we only need to spruce up these dusty old halls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tim: So what you guys think got B so worried all of the sudden, can’t find anything on the database, seems pretty secretive…even for him.
Jason: I don’t know, but isn’t it weird how we haven’t heard of this new villain yet? You’d think the asshole would make a grand entrance.
Dick: Don’t be so paranoid Jason, you know dad wouldn’t dance around the issue….
In horror all pieces fell into place, wings of the manor being open, things being “spruced up” and the new tuxedos all the boys got.
Jason: We need to leave NOW.
*Bruce slow clapping in the background*
Bruce: So you’ve finally figured it out, it is gala season and we are going to be a happy family. Also don’t bother trying to escape, Damian had to learn the hard way…
Alfred enters the room with Damian trapped Hannibal style in a tux.
Damian: DON’T SAVE YOURSELVES TAKE ME WITH YOU.
Jason: Kid we need you to-
Jason:
Jason: Are you making Sims of the entire family?
Damian: Yes, I'm also going to recreate Wayne Manor to house them all. Do you want to join me?
Jason: Scooch over I have an idea for one of Dick's outfits
Alfred: do you boys wish to come to church?
Duke: i’ve got patrol
Tim: i’m an atheist
Jason: I’m a satanist
Damian: …
Alfred: very well
*this happens every sunday
**they go with him sometimes to make him happy, also because church ladies have the best drama
***jason pretends that he is burning to death every. single. time.
At GCPD after a very busy night where Batman brought in like all of his Rouges, bringing Red Hood there (to show him a lesson, he'll break him out later and bring him home)
Batman, handing Red Hood a little cup: Here's some water.
Red Hood: Thanks, dad.
Red Hood, looks over to see all the other villains went quiet and are staring at him: Why is everyone staring at me?
Riddler: You just called Batman "dad."
2 Face: You said, "thanks, dad."
Red Hood; What? No, I didn't. I said, "thanks, man."
Professor Strange: *furiously taking notes*
Batman, knowing it's Jason but genuinely didn't think Jason thought of him as his father: Do you see me as a father figure, J-Red Hood?
*The other rouges not knowing it's Jason and that he's Batman's son, they just think he has an issue with authority stemming from his parents that he is projecting onto Batman*
(Joker, muttering to himself: Man, not even I'm that psychotic)
Red Hood, looking around at all the other villains then back to Batman: No. If anything, I see you as a "bother" figure, 'cause you're always bothering me.
Bane: Hey, show your father some respect.
headcannon that when alfred finally caves and allows the wayne family to get a roomba, the bat brothers just go nuts over it:
Damian names it, and gets disgruntled when people simply refer to it as “the roomba”. Like, no, that is Cerberus? Get it right please
Tim tampers with it on more then one occasion. Hooks up some motion activated speaker/microphone mechanism complete with a voice modulator so that he can speak to whoever it passes. Steph is convinced for a whole WEEK that the roomba is sentient
Jason puts a few knives sticking out from it at some point. The whole family can hear Bruce’s screams when it enters his study.
And Dick just turns the damn thing off every time he sees it. He thinks it’s the worst purchase of all their collective lives
Bernard: wait, how many siblings do you have?
Tim: Hmm? Oh, five, officially.
Bernard: Okay, so...that's Dick, Duke and Damian. And Cassandra, though I'm convinced she's a cryptid. Who am I missing?
Tim: *slow, dawning horror that Jason is meant to be dead, that they never officially met, and Bernard will almost certainly make this into a conspiracy*
Tim:...
Tim: I meant to say four.
Ra's Al Ghul: Talia. Why is your charity case running around stabbing people and causing me a migraine?
Talia: I may have told him that coming out of the Lazarus Pit can induce a rage fever.
Ra's: That wears off after four hours. It's been three months since you dunked him.
Talia: It's therapeutic, father. He's able to express his rage without feeling guilt over it. Let him have this.
Ra's: He ruined my favorite garden!
Talia: For as much as I put into keeping this League running, he gets to ruin as much as he wants.
Okay that would be hilarious.
Jason: *goes absolutely feral*
Talia, sipping tea: You’re doing great, sweetie.
Ra’s: It’s been six months. He’s taken down nine drug rings and three corrupt governments. Will you please tell him now.
Talia: Just let him have this.
Steph's college dormmate: Okay, fuck marry kill, Batman, Nightwing, Red Hood
Stephanie: I'm killing all of them, thanks
Steph: Hey Bruce, no hard feelings, okay? But if I ever kill you just know that it’s because I really, really don’t want to marry you.
Bruce: *is trying to unpack that statement*
ok hear me out but ..
Damian is an avid Wild Kratts fan.
Also bonus:
Edit: Thank you for 1000 on this silly post I made! <3
Tim, [pointing his staff at the human traffickers]: YOU ARE OUTGUNNED
Jason, [hyping him up]: WHAT?
Tim: OUTMANNED!
Jason: WHAT?!
Tim: OUTNUMBERED OUTPLANNED
Jason: PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!
Tim: PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN ON MY COMMAND
Jason: HAND EM OVER!!
Tim: THIS IS HAMILTON MY RIGHT HAND MAN!
Jason, [getting his guns out]: PWO PWO PWO PWO PWO-
Goons: *shaking* what the FUCK are Batman feeding his partners--
Dick: Hey guys what’s up?
Damian: Silence! this is a debate I intend to win.
Dick: huh?
Jason *eating popcorn* : You’re gonna wanna see this
Tim: BY FAR IT IS ONLY LOGICAL TO ASSUME-
Steph: LOGIC HAS NO PART YOU’RE JUST BIASED
Jason: They’re fighting over who was the loosest cannon Robin which caused the most chaos
Dick:
Dick *reaches for popcorn*
Jason *slaps his hand* : Nuh-uh Goldie only the one with the title of MOST CHAOTIC ROBIN gets to eat popcorn
Tim: YOU ARE A LITERAL ASSASSIN WHOS TRIED TO MURDER SEVERAL PEOPLE
Damian: REMIND ME OF YOUR BODYCOUNT?!
Dick: what now-
Drake: THAT WAS BARELY ANY AS ROBIN
Steph: Dudes I was literally Robin to piss off my dad and became friends with poison ivy and Harley
Jason: You’re all just competing for second place
Dick: .. wait what about me?
Everyone *stops and stares*
Damian: Nightwing, this is serious
Tim: Yeah dude I remember your reputation as Robin and you haven’t changed
Batman: .. are you all done with the bust?
Steph: BATSY! Just who we want to see! So.. tell us, who was the most chaotic robin ever
Batman *without hesitation* : Nightwing
Penguin *tied up after the bust* : Yeah it was blue
Damian:
Tim:
Steph:
Jason:
Dick *steals popcorn* : Y’all better start putting respect on my damn name
Batfamily Headcanons:
Tim loves exploring abandoned “haunted” places like hospitals and asylums. The kid grew up travelling Gotham at night to take pictures of the superhero version of Freddy Krueger. This kid digs spooky places.
Jason likes the most problematic media out of all them and has gotten into fights over it. He’s into literature, you can’t read 5 classic novels in a row without finding out one of them was a racist or wifebeater or something. He is completely numb to it and Dick hates it.
Damian pretends to hate Pokemon for ethical reasons but secretly has invested 300 hours into Sword and Shield. He plays so much fetch with his Pokemon.
Everyone hates watching investigation shows with Cass cause she can tell by body language which actor is playing the killer. She has ruined Murder She Wrote for Alfred and part of him thinks he will never forgive her.
Duke is a menace to the Justice League. He absolutely has accidentally flexed on every single one of them. “Oh, sorry Wonder Woman, I just assumed you could speak Italian, cause you know…Rome is in Italy?” “So they’re ‘hardened light constructs’ but can’t actually light up a dark room? Dang Hal, that sucks man.’” Bruce loves this.
Dick absolutely has a lifetime band from every theme park he has ever been to. He handstands on the spin-and-get-stuck-to-walls-ride. He leaps out of the rollercoaster seat to land back in it during every loop. The only roller coaster he is ever allowed to ride is the ladybug one at Smallville’s town fair Uncle Clark takes him to.
Now that Jon is an adult Damian actively keeps him away from his family because the thought of Tim and Jon dating has woken Damian up in a cold sweat.
Whenever they go to iHop they expect Steph to get the crazy waffles with like marshmallows or sprinkles or something. But she doesn’t. She gets the whole grain waffles. The kind with oats. No one can tell if she’s punking them or not (she absolutely is, and orders a quinoa omelette to sell the act).
Bette still hangs out with the Titans on occassion and the younger Bats literally don’t know who she is. “Yeah back when I was Batgirl I–” and Damian does a spittake and Cass asks Bette for advice (that she absolutely doesn’t need cause she has surpassed Bette in every skill but it makes Bette smile so its worth it).
Dick and Jason find out Barbara went one 1 (one) date with Roy like 4 years ago and spend weeks preparing separate powerpoints on why that is not allowed.
Jason polices Alfred’s eating. Everyone thinks Alfred eats healthy all the time but every once in a while he’ll snack on something with just a little too much fiber and Jason will pull him aside and be like “You know what Leslie said Alfred, berries aren’t good for your bowels” and Alfred will blush and hand over the berries with a pout (which Jason will then eat himself).
Bruce cannot keep focused enough to cook, this is a known fact. However, he can stay on task enough to make soaps. Dick threatened to tell the Justice League, but Bruce threatened to take back that Salt & Pepper scented soap that Dick loves and Dick folded (Dick loves it because it just so happens to smell like Bruce’s cologne the night he picked him up at the circus (Bruce pretends not to know that’s why)).
Damian cannot draw cartoony or anime-y styles whatsoever. Duke asks him to teach him how to draw Naruto and Damian just can’t and it hurts him that there is something he is bad at.
Barbara uses her wheelchair in daily life not because she can’t walk but because it hurts to walk. When she offers to take Steph’s patrol once, Steph is stoked, but when she sees Barbara cringe in pain the next morning she spends two hours crying and gives Barbara lunch in bed for the next three weeks.
John Constantine isn’t allowed within Gotham’s walls, especially near Damian, Duke, Tim, or Steph. Bruce knows without a doubt that Constantine does not give enough of a shit to protect his kids if push comes to shove, so that man is banned from all missions involving his kids.
Zatanna is about halfway between Bruce and Dick, and one day she lets it slip she’s slept with them both and it sends Bruce into anaphylactic shock. Dick never forgives her.
During a Hero community football game Hal slaps Tim’s ass after a touchdown not even thinking it might be awkward or uncomfortable and Jason tackles him into the center of the Earth on the next play.
Because Tim has had a hero crush on every Bat ever and still kind of does, whenever Dick or Jason or Barbara tease Bette by saying “who are you again” Tim goes into a 45 minute long tirade on why they should respect the first Batgirl. Even Bette finds it weird.
Damian draws fake tattoos on the other kids hands at recess.
Sometimes people think that Batman’s presence is what keeps primarily not-gotham villians out of Gotham but really its Catwoman cause once a group of Luthor’s hitmen came into Gotham and were found with absolutely brutal claw wounds and everyone in the supervillian community got the message loud and clear.
Alred and Wonder Woman are such stubborn personalities with similar morals and motives, that they actually butt heads when Diana is in the cave and good fucking god is it scary.
For Cass’s birthday Barbara and Tim manage to rope Lady fucking Shiva to coming and Cass is genuinely touched, but Dick and Jason had no fucking clue their best friend/little brother knew the world’s deadliest hand to hand fighter what the fuck. Damian takes to Shiva instantly and spars with her every other Saturday and she and Talia begin having “parent teacher conferences” over Damian’s growth. Bruce is absolutely terrified of them as a team.
The bats completely convince Guy Gardner that they’re all metas and that their superpower is literally “Super Competence.”
During a sex-pollen fight with Ivy, several Justice Leaguers are hit and everyone seems to have gotten with their partner and Bruce isn’t worried until he finds out that Dick offered to help one of them for a night because their partner was off world. When Oliver walks down to Wayne Manor’s breakfast the next morning Bruce almost fires him.
Tim has not so secretly recreated Dick, Jason, and Barbara’s old attires and cosplays them on Tiktok. He knows this is a dangerous game. Barbara will only be blind for so long. The adrenaline is worth the risk.
OHSHCAU (Keysmash)
Part 1
Summary: Flowers fluttered past her, carried by some kind of impossible breeze. One smacked her in the face. (Or the Ouran High School Host Club AU. Or the Keysmash AU for the cultured people of the MGI server.)
Marinette literally just wanted to find a quiet place to study.
The library had been full of people that apparently didn’t know that they were supposed to ‘sh’. The classrooms were locked. All of the clubrooms had clubs going on (which, duh, but it was still disappointing).
So, she made her way through the school, considering just giving up and resigning herself to doing her work on the floor even if she knew it would leave her with a back that ached for the next several days…
And then her eyes landed on a room at the end of the hall. The door was ajar, but she could only hear a faint murmur of conversation and the quiet clinking of porcelain.
She considered it for a few moments before sighing to herself and hiking her bag up higher. It was either this or beginning the painfully long trudge back to her house immediately after her gym class. She was already sore, she just wanted to relax for a few minutes.
So, she pushed the door open wider.
Flowers fluttered past her, carried by some kind of impossible breeze.
One smacked her in the face.
She brushed it off of her nose, only to find herself blinking up at the most popular person in the school.
Richard Grayson-Wayne smiled at her, pretty as ever with his perfectly gelled hair and perfectly pressed clothes. She suddenly felt a very strong urge to check her reflection in a mirror and sniff herself to make sure that her after-gym shower had been enough.
“Oh, are you a new guest?”
“Guest?” She repeated, a little dumbly. Forgive her, for he had taken her by the hand and started leading her inside and she was confused.
But then she glanced around.
Everything in the room was needlessly extravagant and expensive, but so was the rest of Gotham Academy. That wasn’t what she focused on, though.
Horror seized her as she realized what, exactly, she had stumbled into.
Because, as she looked around, she recognized more and more of the school’s most popular kids, and all of them were attending to the many people (usually girls, but not always) crowding them. And she remembered what, exactly, Richard Grayson-Wayne’s extracurricular was.
She jerked her hand away, eyes wide. “Uh, no, I think you’ve got the wrong idea, sir,” she said. And then internally freaked out because why the hell did she call him sir? He was two years older than her! Damn it! She could feel her face flushing in embarrassment.
He smiled and brought his hand up to cup her cheek. “Am I not your type? You can take your pick of the others, you know.” He smoothly moved to loop his arm around her shoulders and lead her further into the room. “What are you into? Women? Men? Both? Strong people? Smarts? A sense of humor or a mischievous streak? A stoic type? A princely person?”
“Um, listen, I was just looking for a place to study,” she said, slipping out from under him and taking a few careful steps backwards.
He smiled. “Of course you were,” he said in that tone people used when they were only humoring you.
She gave an awkward little laugh, still doing her best to back away from the situation in the most literal sense she could. “Seriously, I’m just going to go –.”
Her back hit something and she whipped around, her eyes wide, just in time to watch a vase pitch itself off a pillar.
She reached for it. Her fingers just barely brushed the handle. And then it hit the ground.
The porcelain shattered upon impact.
She stared at the shards, her hands resting on the pillar it had just been resting on as if trying to replace it, wishing that she could simply put the pitcher back together by sheer force of will. The color drained from her face as it slowly began to sink in that this was reality, that she had just broken a vase that had to be expensive considering everything else at this school was.
Marinette slowly turned back around to find everyone looking at her, their attention pulled by the loud crash. She swallowed thickly, her gaze flickering between the broken vase and Richard rapidly.
She needed to say something. Anything.
“I mean. It was kind of ugly.”
Anything but that!
At least someone was amused. A woman with blond hair – Stephanie Brown, she remembered her being on the news a while back – turned her head to snicker into her hand.
She cleared her throat. “No, sorry, that was weird to say. I’ll – I’ll pay for it.”
A dark-skinned boy made his way over, frowning lightly. The glittery, gold makeup dotted across his cheeks like freckles seemed to shine as he looked her over. She recognized him to be one of the kids in her science class, but his name eluded her. “Aren’t you a scholarship kid?”
“She is,” an unfortunately familiar voice chimed in. Her eyes narrowed in on Tim Drake. He was glaring at her over the rim of his rich kid teacup.
Marinette’s face suddenly remembered how to circulate blood, but it had overcompensated in its rush to fix its mistakes. A blush rose to her cheeks. “Okay, and? What of it?”
This got another laugh, but this one sounded different. A little colder. Someone clicked their tongue. A boy with tan skin around in his chair, stroking a cat in his lap, like some kind of D-list Rogue. “Then can you really afford it?”
She glanced at the vase again and shrugged. “I mean… probably? It can’t be more than a few hundred, can it? It’ll be a bitch, but –.”
A woman wheeled over, her wheelchair coming to a stop just in front of the pillar Marinette was still leaning against in the worst attempt at acting natural anyone had ever seen. She recognized her as one of the library assistants. Barbara Gordon didn’t even bother to look up from her phone while she ruined Marinette’s life with a mere sentence: “We were about to auction it off for charity, and the starting price was fifty thousand USD.”
Marinette choked on air. “Fifty… fifty thousand?!” She repeated. She barely fought off the urge to scream about how it wasn’t even a nice looking vase. She figured yelling at the people she was suddenly indebted to was, probably, not a great idea.
A guy in a leather jacket gave her an empathetic look. She pretended not to notice for the sake of her own sanity.
“That’s a joke, right?” She tried, ignoring how desperate she sounded even to her own years.
A woman lazing in the window shook her head, black lipstick-covered lips just barely curled into a frown.
“Any chance I can pay this off in parts?” She asked, resisting the urge to start doing math on her fingers to figure out exactly how much she was going to have to give up to work all of this off. She would do that later, when there were no eyes on her. “I – I don’t have a job right now, but I can get one, I promise, I’ll find a way to pay you back –.”
Richard clapped his hands together once, but this time his smile held no real warmth. “Don’t worry, I can think of a job that just opened up.”
*****
“Marinette, I left you alone for ten minutes,” Adrien said, pinching the space between his brows. He was currently messing with chemicals, so touching his face was not advisable, but he was wearing gloves so he was still, at least, more safe than 99% of other high school students would be.
“It was closer to an hour and a half,” she mumbled, watching the beaker in front of her bubble. She was very dedicated to lab safety, thank you very much.
“How did you even manage to become the – did you say you’re the host club’s dog? What? Like the kink?”
She groaned. “I can’t think of a less literal translation, okay? It’s like… they want me to clean, set up events, help them with clothes, serve drinks and food…”
“Servant? Assistant?”
“Sure,” she said, throwing a hand up frustratedly. “But could we maybe focus on the rest of my problem instead of the fact that English isn’t my first language?”
He gave her a mildly amused look that she didn’t return. And then he sighed, picking up his mortar and pestle again. “Okay. Well. I could always –.”
“If you say you want to pay off my debt for me I’m pouring this down your throat.”
He cleared his throat awkwardly, obviously not too fond of the idea if he was preemptively touching his neck. “I see. Well. Then. I guess we’ll be seeing less of each other.”
“Thank fuck for that.”
He elbowed her in the side. “Don’t think you can get out of doing your half of the presentation.”
She groaned and burrowed into her Batman hoodie. “But if I do the presentation I have to dress up…”
“Yeah? I have to dress up every day, make sure to always have an entire section of my backpack devoted to skin and hair care products in case of emergencies, bring extra clothes to school, and –.”
“Shut uuuuuup I get it,” she huffed, moving her now-luminescent pink liquid off its burner. “Rich people have their own problems or whatever.”
“We do. Like making sure we make good connections while in school, something you –” he poked her cheek. “– need to work on. Maybe this host club thing will be good for you. Help you put yourself out there or whatever.”
“You just want to laugh at me.”
His lips twitched into a grin. “True.”
She scowled. “Put down the mortar and pestle.”
He seemed to want to say no, he wasn’t stupid enough to not know why she wanted him to put it down, but then thought better of it. He resigned himself to his fate, sighing and setting it aside.
She tackled him off of his chair.
*****
Marinette was pretty sure that they were making her set up the auction she had accidentally ruined purely to spite her. Like, sure, setting up everything was technically her job, but the chances of this being her first assignment were abysmal.
She forced herself to breathe through it. Go to her happy place. Four in. Murdering the Waynes but also keeping her scholarship. Four out. Good.
She carefully made her way back and forth, setting everything in their respective spots, at an inching pace – she was not going to add more debt by breaking something else. Then she went around making sure the lights shined on them just so to make them seem shinier (“rich people are like magpies,” she had been informed with a sage nod). Finally, she checked that all of the notecards were in order and that the mics were all working.
She spun around in the middle of the room, going over everything with a critical eye, and then nodded once to herself.
She headed to the ‘dressing room’ (it was a closet they had repurposed).
“I’m done, Richard.”
“Dick,” he corrected lightly, leaning in to check his teeth.
She raised an eyebrow. “Sorry?”
His eyes widened and he whirled around, holding his hands up in a half placating, half surrendering gesture. “Nonono, I’m not calling you that, I’m saying that’s my name. Dick. Short for Richard.”
“I know. I’m just sorry.”
Dick sputtered. Damian made a wheezing sound that might have been a laugh.
Unfortunately for Damian, the wheeze drew Marinette’s attention. She groaned. “Oh my god, put the cat down, you’re in a suit for fuck’s sake,” she hissed. She looked around until she found a lint roller, and then thrust it towards him. “Trade me.”
Damian looked affronted. “I’m not putting down Alfred.”
She had to force herself to ignore the fact that he had named his cat Alfred of all things, she needed to concentrate on what was really important: threatening him.
“You are going to put down Alfred. I suggest you do it willingly.”
It was Dick’s turn to snicker at his brother’s misfortune.
Neither spared him a glance, too locked in their staredown. Marinette had thought for a moment that Damian was going to actually try and throw hands, but at least she would still be winning in that case because he would have to let his cat go to do so.
Eventually, Damian heaved a long-suffering sigh and handed off the cat. She set Alfred in her hood just so she could cross her arms over her chest while she watched Damian struggle with the lint roller for a solid seven minutes. She might be indebted to these people, but damn if she wasn’t going to be passive aggressive about it.
Dick grinned, leaning his arm on her shoulder. She felt short, in that moment, but it wasn’t her fault that the man was freakishly tall.
“You’re the best hire we could have ever had,” said the man who was unaware she was considering kneecapping him to make herself seem taller.
Not that she was going to tell him.
“I’m being held captive.”
“Same difference,” he joked.
And, despite herself, a tiny smile made its way across her face. His happiness was strangely contagious. No wonder he was so popular in the host club.
She reached up to tap him on the nose. “You haven’t done your stage makeup yet.”
He yelped out a curse and then ran to look for the makeup brushes, muttering under his breath about how that was what he had forgotten.
*****
Marinette stumbled into the library, a hand absently rubbing an ache between her shoulder blades. Her eyes locked with Babs’.
“Is it in ye –?”
“No,” Babs said, still tapping away at her computer.
Marinette slumped against the doorframe, letting her head knock against the wood. Maybe it would give her good luck.
“Life is a tragedy and I’m nothing more than Shakespeare’s bitch.”
The woman sighed and pushed up her glasses to rub an eye. “I’ll check it out for you when it comes in. Give it to you during the host club.”
Her posture brightened instantly. “Really?”
“Yeah, just don’t lose it. I have a perfect record when it comes to turning my books in on time and I don’t want you to ruin that.”
She grinned and did a mock salute. “Aye-aye.”
*****
Marinette absently stacked the plates, cups, and spoons on top of each other to take them into the next room for a quick wash. She kind of liked finding the optimal ways to stack things, it was like a very high-stakes game of Tetris. She carefully picked up her tower and was pleased to find that it didn’t shake in the slightest.
Only to blink when Jason stood up, holding a tiny stack of his own.
“Let me help.”
She stared blankly for a moment before she finally caught a quiet gasp nearby. Her eyes flicked in that direction and found a customer practically cooing over the basic human decency Jason had displayed. She sighed a little. Right, they had an audience. She pulled a slightly wobbly smile to her face.
“Sure. Thanks,” she said carefully. In the end, even if it was just to forward his image as a ‘baddie with a heart of gold’, it was still help and she wasn’t intent on saying no just to be petty.
Or, at least, that was what she had thought until he had kept doing it. Almost every night, without fail, he would help her clean up after everyone. Even if all of the guests were gone by the time he got away.
She finally gave in one day, her hands almost elbow deep in the sink water:
“Why do you keep helping me? You know that this isn’t your job, right?”
He gave her a strange look for a moment.
And then he gave the slightest of smiles. “I was poor, once, too.”
She nodded slightly. They went back to work with a quiet sense of solidarity.
“Also, you take too long to wash dishes on your own.”
She splashed him with the sink water.
He gasped, puffing up in his mock offense. “Hey! These pants are supposed to be cared for! They’re hand wash only!”
“Then this is perfect,” she said, grinning. “It’s totally deserved.”
He raised an eyebrow. “So is this.”
He used the cup he had been washing to scoop up some water and dump it over her head.
She stared at him for a full minute in stunned silence. And then a grin broke out over her face.
He suddenly looked like he was considering running away.
In the end, they finished the day more clean than the dishes, but hey. It’s the thought that counts.
(Just kidding. Sanitation doesn’t work like that. They overloaded the dishwasher to fix their mistakes.)
*****
Marinette sighed and set the cake down on a table, then turned to leave.
She stopped short when she saw Tim in the doorway, his bag half off his shoulder where he had been about to fling it away from himself like he did every day while opening up the clubroom.
“How’d you…?”
She shrugged and held up a keyring. “Asked the janitor.”
His brows furrowed momentarily, as if he were thinking, but then he just shook his head to dismiss the thought.
“Why do you have a wedding cake? Did you have a Vegas wedding or something?”
She groaned internally and forced herself to straighten up to her full height. “My parents are bakers. The wedding they catered today didn’t end up happening. Bride got cold feet – uh, literally, she was murdered, y’know? – and they said to give this to my friends.”
He raised an eyebrow. “So you brought it here?”
“Well, Adrien doesn’t have a cheat day for another two weeks, and if I ever have another slice of cake it’ll be too soon. This is kinda the last place I’ve got. Besides, it could please your guests.”
“Couldn’t you just give it out to the people in your homeroom?”
She rolled her eyes. “Do you want the cake or not? Because I have to go to class soon. Unlike you, I’ll get thrown out if I don’t attend every one of my classes, Drake.”
He snorted. “Aw? The scholarship student is struggling in her classes?”
“That’s not why, and if you really think that then you’re dumber than I thought,” she said, curling her fists at her sides.
A couple of complicated expressions flicked over his face, none of which she could get a good read on, but Steph’s head appeared over Tim’s shoulder before either of them could say something they regretted.
“Shut up and let the nice girl give us cake, Tim,” Steph said, smacking him over the back of the head as she brushed past him to get in the door. She grinned at Marinette. “Thanks for the food.”
Marinette gave a tiny smile in return.
She smiled even wider when, as Steph passed, she asked Marinette under her breath if she wanted to join her in throwing a slice of the cake into Tim’s face. As if it was even a question.
*****
Duke squinted at the needle in her hand suspiciously. His arm was already sanitized and the needle was prepped, it would only take around thirty minutes for her to get a sufficient amount of his blood to analyze. “Are you sure you know how to do this?”
She huffed. “Of course I do. Don’t be a pussy.”
“That’s sexist.”
“Okay? And not volunteering to help for my project is anti black.”
There was a beat before the pair of them broke into quiet snickers. Quiet, because neither of them wanted to get caught slacking off in the middle of their research class.
Marinette tapped the needle. “Don’t worry, if you’re good I’ll give you a cake pop.”
His smile almost seemed to light up the room. “Sounds like a deal. Stick me.”
(Later, she had found herself staring at his vitals with mild confusion. He almost didn’t seem human. And then she had quietly dismissed them as an outlier. Maybe she’d ask if he had been a victim of a Rogue attack recently when she saw him at their next host club meeting. Or not. That was kinda personal.)
*****
Marinette liked Cass. Neither of them really talked, but Cass didn’t talk much to anyone anyways.
Still, the girl was a soothing presence. Sometimes, when the days were slow or while they were waiting for the club to start, they could be seen sitting in the same window. Cass would listen to music. Marinette would do her homework or read a book.
It was pleasant.
At least, it was pleasant most of the time. It turns out a silent person can be a bad thing. Marinette now had a permanent chemical burn on the back of her arm because Cass had come up to her at the wrong time, had tapped her on the shoulder, and Marinette had flinched so hard in her surprise that she had ended up spilling an entire beaker over the back of her wrist.
She was pretty sure the seven solid, apology-filled minutes where Cass had helped her rush to the nurse’s office to stem the blood bubbling on her arm was the most she had ever heard her talk before.
*****
Marinette glared at her reflection, aggressively applying stage makeup to the area under her eyes. She would have to wash it all off right afterwards, stage makeup looks strange when up close and not under the effect of near-blinding lights. And then, after that, she would have to sit still while Adrien applied even more, but wildly different makeup to her face, for the second half of the conference where she would be forced to shmooze for the sake of funding.
But that was a problem for later. She needed to make sure everything was perfect.
Anything less than the best score in the school could throw her scholarship into jeopardy.
At least this was getting her out of her usual host club duties. Marinette and Adrien needed to present, so she would have gotten out for a few hours no matter what, but a solid number of the (actual, willing) host club members were in their age group. Duke, Tim, and Steph all had projects today as well.
They had canceled the host club for the day. Maybe the others would be attending the presentation, maybe not, she didn’t really care.
All she cared about right now was making sure she didn’t look like some kind of ethereal being made of light on stage.
A head dropped onto her shoulder and she rolled her eyes. “You look like a ghoul.”
Adrien grinned. “I think this is the best I’ve ever looked.”
“True.”
He gasped. “Rude.”
“I mean, you kinda set that one up for me,” she said, gently shoving him off so she could straighten fully. She patted down her deep red dress, checked her black heels to make sure they weren’t going to slip, and then turned to him. “Good?”
He hummed thoughtfully, tipping his head to the side. And then he shook his head, motioning for her to turn around. “I told you you needed to do something with your hair,” he said.
She huffed. “I did.”
“Letting it out of its usual pigtails is not ‘doing something’.”
“I mean… if you want to define the words –.”
He snorted. “Shut up. Let me fix this.”
She waited impatiently for him to brush her hair and pull it into a strict bun.
She scrunched her nose at her reflection. “I look like a teacher.” She pulled a strand out to frame her face.
He tucked it right back behind her ear. “Well, you’re teaching these people –.”
“You’re the most infuriating person I’ve ever met.”
“You’re looking in a mirror. Time to meet someone even worse. Nettie, meet Nettie.”
She pulled away the moment he was done. “The moment this is all over I’m beating your ass.”
“I mean, you kinda set that one up for me,” he mocked.
“I’m not kidding, Chaton. Meet me in the parking lot at 7pm.”
He only grinned, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his suit, and jerked his head to point towards the stage.
*****
Marinette and Adrien had chosen the safest possible option. Even if neither of them really cared about how the overexposure to chemicals had affected the average Gothamite’s physiology – they already knew that it would boost their immune systems in some areas, weaken it in some areas, and just generally cause a myriad of lung and heart problems, they weren’t stupid – it was something they knew was both a popular question at the moment and something that rich people would want to know so they could start finding solutions for themselves.
Which meant they might get funding from people that weren’t just Adrien’s Dad. Not only did Marinette not want to rely on him, grades and future teams/assignments were determined by how much funding you received. They were already at a disadvantage, Marinette’s parents weren’t rich and couldn’t make a sizable contribution like every other family at the academy could. They needed to win over anyone they could.
And they had done pretty well. Marinette had only stuttered and considered asking Adrien to anti-Bruce-Wayne her parents a single time.
They’d made up for it in the questions portion. The subject of chemicals was something they both knew an ungodly amount about, so they answered every question sent their way without a hint of hesitation. In the end, they’d gotten quite a few people to come up to tell them that they would be donating to their ‘cause’.
She hadn’t expected one of the people they had won over to be Bruce Wayne, though.
Marinette fought to not shrink back as the man that sponsored the scholarship program she used began to head her way. He was Gotham’s sweetheart, and a bit of a dunce, but he still held more power over her than she would prefer.
And he had his kids in tow. Even more people that could choose to ruin her life on a whim. Fun. She definitely wanted more of those.
She got a thumbs up from Cass, at least. Thanks, Cass.
As for the rest of the Wayne kids… they were currently looking at her like she had spontaneously sprouted an extra head. She made a tiny ‘what the fuck’ gesture with her hand, but they were too stunned to give her any kind of meaningful response.
Marinette looked to Adrien, and he looked back at Marinette, both of them making sure that they looked as good as was physically possible. They took the moment to share quiet ‘do you know what’s going on with them?’ looks, and ended up with nothing.
And then they threw a pair of identical smiles the Waynes’ way.
“Mr. Wayne!” She said with false cheer. “It’s so nice to see you! How is business going?”
He grinned. “It’s been great. You didn’t hear it from me, but I’m pretty sure our stock prices are about to jump.”
Adrien laughed lightly. “Oh? I’ll be sure to tell my dad to invest.”
Marinette wanted to die.
“Ah, yes, good investments are good,” the man said, giving him a daft kind of smile. And then he reached out and patted Marinette on the top of the head, making the tiny strand of hair tucked behind her ear fall back into her face. Luckily, the man didn’t notice. “Like her. Back when I first started sponsoring you, even I never could have guessed that you would become so smart.”
She forced a blush to her face. “Well, I’m just really good with chemistry. I’m just glad that it was accepted as being close enough to biology to count.”
“Our mutual love of chemical experimentation is what brought us together in the first place.”
Marinette leaned in conspiratorially, cupping a hand over her mouth to stage-whisper to the others: “Don’t let him fool you, he’s talking about the time he blew up his microwave.”
“For science! It was an experiment!” Adrien said with false offense.
Bruce chuckled good-naturedly and started rifling through his pockets for a checkbook. “Well, it would be wrong to give money to all my other kids and leave you out, don’t you think?”
Marinette stared at him for a moment, her fake smile fading slightly in favor of pure confusion. “Sir, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m not one of your kids.”
And, sure, she knew that Bruce Wayne’s kid situation was a little strange. There were only five actual Wayne kids: Dick Grayson-Wayne, Jason Wayne, Cassandra Wayne, Damian Al Ghul- Wayne, and Duke Thomas. There was also the weird gray area that was Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, and Barbara Gordon, all of whom had one or more living parents but often found themselves grouped with the others because of how close they were to the Wayne family.
But Marinette? Marinette was a scholarship kid that was being forced to be around them all. She had talked to Bruce Wayne a grand total of four times, and one of those times was happening at this exact moment.
Bruce Wayne blinked once. Twice. Three times. And then he smacked his palm against his forehead. “Oh! Right! Sorry, the others talk about you so much that sometimes I forget you aren’t my kid.”
Marinette sometimes wondered if a man could truly be this dumb.
“Ah, don’t worry, I’m sure my parents could identify every single one of them in a line up with how much I talk about them,” she said, forcing her sweetest tone even as her gaze cut to the Wayne kids in a way that screamed ‘I have talked about murdering you multiple times’.
The Waynes now looked like they had just watched her grow a third head and were now resigned to the fact that she could apparently grow more heads. An improvement? Maybe?
Bruce chuckled and patted her on the head again. “They are little scamps, aren’t they?”
“They’re sweet, though,” she lied through her teeth. “I enjoy every minute we spend together.”
“I’d hope so!” The man said cheerfully.
And then Bruce, the godsend, the best person to ever exist, wrote a check and dropped it in her donation box. Marinette only just refrained from pumping her fist.
Still, the smile Adrien and Marinette gave after that was far more genuine.
Adrien smiled. “That was very nice of you, Mr. Wayne.”
“Thank you, sir,” she said.
“Of course! And, please, both of you, call me Bruce.”
“I don’t think you understand how much I just… can’t do that.”
He chuckled and gave her one last pat on the head – Adrien looked like he wanted to cry a little as his careful work started to come undone for real – before heading off to do whatever it was rich people do.
His kids didn’t join him.
Marinette turned to Steph, Tim, and Duke. “Good job on your presentation, Duke.”
(Listen, she liked Steph well enough, but Tim was a dick and she would rather die than compliment his work. Especially not when he was her main competition at the school.)
Tim didn’t even seem to register the snub, for once.
This gave Duke plenty of time to snicker and tell her, “I totally bombed. My partner didn’t even read the note cards I gave her.”
“I mean, yeah, but you’re not supposed to say that.”
He could only shrug a little, somewhere between amused and annoyed.
Dick didn’t give her much time to register the motion, though, as he came up and rested his hands on her shoulders.
She blinked at him. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re weirdly touchy?”
“I – wha –?” He shook his head, and she wasn’t sure if that was an answer or if he was just dismissing the question. “You’ve been attractive this whole time?”
Marinette ignored the fact that Adrien had chosen to break down laughing. It was surely unrelated.
She looked up at Dick for a moment. “I mean… duh?”
“But…” Damian said, sounding almost pained. “Every time we’ve seen you, you’ve worn a hoodie and jeans.”
“Yeah, because I’m not really interested in looking good for – I don’t know – fucking Kyle from my Calculus class.” She huffed. “Besides. Nice clothes? Makeup? That stuff is expensive. Way too expensive to use when I’m not getting any kind of return, y’know?”
Steph nodded her agreement. Ah. Working class solidarity. It does exist, after all.
And then Babs wheeled herself closer, looking mildly amused. “And if you can get a return?”
Thesis statement:
Batman is the Worlds Greatest Detective and thus is excellent at discovering facts about people; he however is far from the worlds best manipulator, but doesn’t realize this, mistaking his knowledge of a person for having the ability to use it effectively. Or in other words, Batman is not actually very good at mind games. Why do I say this? Well, lets look at Bruce’s relationships with some of his wards/apprentices or loved one’s, people who admire him, love him and whom he raised or taught. Surely of all the people in the world he would be able to get to do what he wants it would be them right? Wrong. Alfred literally quits his job several times and bails when Bruce is being too difficult to put up with for good or ill and Bruce never seems to know how to get him back or even notice a problem is mounting. Bruce raised Dick Grayson and was potentially at his kindest and most stable with him and Jason, yet despite that there was a several year long period where they constantly fought and barely talked and Bruce could not only not get his former ward to do what Bruce thought was best, but to listen to him at all. Similarly, when it came to how Jason’s trauma manifested as he grew older, while Bruce sympathized at times, he rarely seemed to actually know what to do and was often left playing catch up to Jason’s thoughts and feelings processes and the less said about how poorly they communicate as adults the better. Now for a double header, his relationship with Tim on paper seems OK, but leaning back on that ‘mind game’ thing I mentioned before. When Bruce decided it was time Stephanie learn at least some identities, he arranged the whole thing in secret, damaging her and Tim’s relationship with each other and him. Somehow this result flummoxed Bruce and he seemed apologetic… But also refused to actually do anything about it like change his behaviors. His handling of Stephanie in general is among the other better left unsaid things, because ’wow’. His relationship with Cass in the Batgirl 2000 comics is kind of a mixed bag, but she also thinks the world of him and is the most psychologically similar to him and even then I’d give him fifty fifty at best. Though his whole 'making Cass give up Batgirl’ thing was also poorly planned out given it mostly just upset and confused everybody involved and only worked out because it was either adapt or die. Long story short, if Bruce is incapable of using his intimate and generally positive relationships and insights on the people closest to him to get the results he wants…. Why on Earth would I think him capable of manipulating his various enemies?
Bruce’s core Issues with his Children/Child-Apprentices
This will be going in age and highlighting what I feel is sort of the core source of tension between Bruce and his various ‘kids’, it’s not exhaustive, but it covers the biggest glowing red spot I feel, now, from oldest to youngest!
Dick: Dick is the favorite, but this basically just means he gets picked for the toughest battles, is held tot he most insanely high standard and is otherwise the one Bruce leans on the most and that is a crushing weight.
Cassandra: Cass is the one he projects onto, this means they get along, but also means he’s constantly undermining her physical and mental health & making her life worse because its what he does to himself and won’t let her be her own person.
Jason: Jason, be he alive, dead or ressurected is probably the one Bruce is most comfortable loving, but understands the absolute least, no matter his state he does not know what Jason needs, was, or will do at any given moment.
Stephanie: Steph isn’t his kid but he made her Robin; I’d say he is very fond of her, but that he ultimately resents her more than any of the others, because she reminds him of Jason, because she won’t yield and that this motivates his abuse of her.
Timothy: Tim is the one he identifies with most, not projects onto, not the favorite, but the one who he looks at and goes, “Oh its me”, likely cos of their similar class, which causes him to try and make Tim more like him at Tim’s expense.
Duke: Duke is tricky cos I don’t know of any major fallout between them, but based on what I’ve read I would say he puts perhaps the most pressure on Duke, he ‘sees great things in him’ and so piles on the expectations till the breaking point.
Damian: This was hard for the source of it is simple, I honestly feel Damien is the one he is the least invested or connected with. He’ll acknowledge Damien as his son, but he won’t put any real effort into the relationship unless its impacting him.