I'm Three Pages Into Loveless AND ALICE

'fuck you my child is fine' Your child heavily relates to Tori Spring, no your child is not fine.

I'm getting my binder in a few hours, it's like 2 am now, and it's something I've needed since I first got the notice, or you could call it "the memo" about my certain set of chromosomes in biology, I don't know. Even before I knew what the reason was, my chest always felt wrong to me, at first I was always neutral about the idea of having something grow out of me but then when I realised it was still attached to me and my every move and the most uncomfortable part of being in clothes that weren't baggy and then it just felt like a practice test for my specific circle in hell to hug other people so awkwardly now, so I had to block the knowledge that I possess a chest out of my mind to be sane. Then I thought: This is bullshit. This is just wrong. (Awkward teenager body change realisation, but then, dysphoria:) If I don't wear the oversized school uniform and cut all my hair off, I'm going to die. What's wrong with me?

Well, I got an answer dramatic little me would be blown away by. Now I'm getting what I've been hoping to find for the whole year now and can afford now that I got a good job. But why does it feel like I'm going to be sick with anxiety? I am angry at myself for feeling like I'm going to throw up and having shaking hands. I am sad that I don't feel so excited. I'm genderfluid, more often than not this year I've not been a girl, I don't even feel a connection to being a girl right now.

I think it's because of my family, I've only told my mom, but my dad is giving me a lift to get it, not knowing what I'm getting. All this time, I've been hoping to find somewhere I can finally get a binder and now that I've finally found it, I was so happy in the days leading up to tonight. I've had countless dreams this year of finally getting to hug my parents the same as I did as a kid, but in a better version of who I am today. I'm overthinking myself sick. Stop it. I'm going to be okay.

If it is everything I dreamed of, this would be the best thing to come of all the sleepless nights trying to block out the daunting thoughts that I will never feel right in my body, but not having the means to make the changes permanent. I have looked at everything, I know what I'm too scared to try for now, but this binder is my first step. I think I put too much pressure on this first step without realisation, and I'm not kind to myself when I fail at something it turns I'm not good at.

So I've realised that I have to remind myself this, there is no one way to be a gender. Gender is a form of expression. It's about bringing to the outside what is on the inside, not about what is taking in the validation of what is on the outside. Not everyone feels a specific one way of trying something new to express themselves, but they only know once they try it that it is right for them. And if it isn't, the best thing they can do, is be kind to themselves and recognise that they can try something new again to find what feels right for them.

I've only been aware that I don't fit into the cis category for certain this year, but I've been educating myself from the loving and supportive voices of others in the trans community. A trans person's experience is not a "one size fits all" experience for everyone, and I know that if this says anything about me, I want to say I never not feel happy literally for those on my fyp who get to live as themselves, happy and safe, from their hard work to get to where they are today. For another trans person reading this post, I hope that, no matter what step you're on or place in life you're in, the patience you have for yourself during your journey will reap so many rewards, self love and peace of mind. If you see this post and want to talk, offer some advice or insight, or be friends, I'd like that :)

What was it like working in a movie theatre in the 1980s USA?

I'm working on something and am not getting what I'm looking for by searching on google. If anyone has any knowledge or memories about this, please answer in the comments!

What was the ticket-buying process? (How is it different from the present?)

How did ushers interact with customers? And vice versa.

When were cinemas most busy? (In the day, or week, or month, or year)

Was it weird for people to watch movies alone? (i.e. were people bullied for it?)

Thank you for reading, and I'll see you in the comments! (My post was removed on reddit- for some reason?)

when I get cured of my dyspraxia, it's OVER for all of you (satire)

Alice Fucking Oseman made me know pain and joy lol

Tab system:

Orange: "Wait, That's Me." (Relating too hard to Georgia)

Yellow: "Ace Pain." (i.e. "Being asexual, I felt that, ouch")

Green: "Ace Joy." (i.e. "Being asexual, I felt that, thank you Alice :)")

Light Pink: "RAGE" (Getting angry at the scenario or characters)

Dark Pink: "Outlier" (Moments I will probably quote or wish happened to me, like having a Pip, Rooney, Jason, Sunil, Jess or Ellis)

+ page 5: Alice, when I catch you, Alice.

Ace 🧄🍞

Reblog if you are:

Gay, lesbian, pansexual, bisexual, transgender, asexual, aromantic, queer, etc., or a supporter of any.

If you don't reblog this, DIE DIE DIE

This is very much not an account about Discord.

"The important thing isn't to have others recognise that you're asexual. It's to decide the path that feels right to you."

- Shinobu Ishii, Is Love the Answer?

i am in love. this love is a home that is always empty.

My heart problems are not because of Monster, it's nearly dead from having crippling anxiety since birth.

i am being a hater, and i am being queer, and i am being autistic at a family event (and i am not the one who is the problem)