The Fact That The Httyd Gang Knows About The Effect Of Dragon Nip But They Are Never Seen Using It On

Headcanon that early on in Dick's tenure as Robin, Batman gets seriously injured during patrol one night. Not enough that his life is in danger, but like, enough that he's unconscious and needs medical attention.

And after he gets him squared away, Jim Gordon sees a small, masked child covered in someone else's blood, and then his Dad (tm) instincts kick in, and he refuses to let Robin go to wherever he calls home alone. So he just... takes him back to his home.

And this can go two directions. Either

Barbara, not Batgirl yet, wakes up when her father comes home and sees a boy slightly younger than her, covered in blood, and befriends him, for sure freaking out her father but also making him incredibly worried about Robin and if he has any other friends or not.

or

Barbara, fully Batgirl, but not on patrol that night because she had a test that next day, wakes up when her father comes home, and comes face to face with her best friend in his masked alter ego, and they both have to pretend that they don't know each other for like two days, meanwhile Dick's sweating because like Holy shit, I've had sleepovers here before, whatever you do, don't act like Dick Grayson.

Either way it ends with Dick, mask still firmly in place but wearing Barbara's pajamas, and Babs fully passed out on the ground around a game of monopoly when Batman finally comes to collect his sidekick.

This experience would also make Jim Gordon even more terrified for Robin on a daily basis because before, he was sort of a shadowy, cryptic force that followed Batman around, but now Jim knows that he's just a little boy, smaller than his own daughter, that likes the same games and cartoons that Babs does, and I'm not sure he'd be able to handle that.

nightwing being hurt in the field, and over comms he can’t get out what was wrong, nearly in shock, and jason puts on his best batman™️ voice and says “robin, report.”

and it snaps dick out of it enough to say concussion, possible broken ribs, and a gash in his side.

no one talks about it, and then a year later, damian does the same thing to tim

Soundwave. Overworked. Underpaid. Underappreciated.

”Soundwave put a gag on that one” “Soundwave read that guy’s mind” “Soundwa—“ I KNOW they drive him crazy the way he’s the only competent one, wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the high guard often goes to him for most problems (esp when they’re like “I TOLD you it wasn’t tight enough” or “that just means he believes himself” y’all omg then don’t tell him to do stuff if you’re just gonna say he did it wrong 😭)

And so this is how Soundwave copes with the stress

Batman, arresting Harley for the umpteenth time: You're going to prison, Quinn.

Harley: You know what I was thinking?

Batman: what.

Harley: That you don't send me to prison. *grins*

Batman:...

Batman: I have no idea what to say to that.

Harley: No, think about it! I could wear my sexy nurse outfit and you me and kitty could have some fun!

Batman: *sighs* As appealing as that prospect is,....

Harley: *low squeal*

Batman: No.

Harley: You need a therapist who can fuck you and tell you about your mommy issues at the same time

Batman: I don't think anyone ever in the history of humanity has needed that.

Harley: (begging) Come on, Bats. They drug me in there! It gets all...spooky sometimes. Not your kind of spooky, the bad kind.

Batman: *hesitating*

Harley: And they feed me pea soup! PEA SOUP!! *kicks a rock and starts crying*

Batman: Quinn, you should have thought of that before you ran away with Ivy and killed the CEO of FutureTech.

Harley, pleading: That was Ivy, not me!

Batman: Uh huh.

Harley: She said he was a plant murderer. And I gotta admit, I wasn't feeling too good myself about him dumping all that toxic waste in the Amazon.

Batman: When things like this happen, you come to me.

Harley: You've never shown interest in plant shit before.

Batman, pinching the bridge of his nose: I can handle it. I know how important 'plant shit' is to Ivy and you. It's important to me too. That's why, next time, before you murder someone, let me handle it legally by scaring the shit out of them first. Okay?

Harley: *hiccups* okay.

Batman: Now. I'll talk to the Arkham parole board about your early conditional release. But I will make sure they give you some truly, spectacularly, horribly disgusting community service.

Harley, desperate: No. Not the garbage route again.

Batman, smiling grimly: Oh it gets worse. Trust me. *begins typing into his phone*

Harley: Oh my god I think I'll just do my time. I'm not going into the trash cans, you don't know the kind of shit people throw out! I think I'll just take my meds and stare at the walls instead.

Batman, looking up from his phone: I'm afraid that ship has sailed. *smiles evilly*

Harley: Oh my fucking shit you monster!

Batman: Remember that feeling the next time your trigger finger itches to pop off a human being.

Harley, gritting her teeth: It's itching now, bitch!

Batman, smugly: Good.

I can see this happening tbh

Batman has a very specific code that's on everyone's communicator that he warns the JL to 'Never tap into it unless I'm indisposed and the world is 2 seconds away from ending'

Fast forward a few years and batman is knocked out cold and the world is 2 seconds away from ending when one JL member rmbers batman's 'very important do not tap unless absolutely necessary' button

So obviously the JL taps it expecting some god or smth and who else picks up but a woman who's simultaneously yelling commands,tapping aggressively at what they assume to be a keyboard and calmly telling them that she's Oracle,that she's already linked every person on the battlefield's comms to the 'batfamily comms'(direct wording) and that she's sending reinforcements as they speak

Then,while the JL is still in shock,Red Hood the fucking drug lord lands beside them and starts shooting up enemies,Nightwing is futher back backflipping,Red Robin is doing his shit

A mysterious black cowled girl pops up beside them and starts gently telling(ordering) them to specific parts of the battlefield(Hal gets so spooked he screams),a fully purple girl is beating enemies up next to them,a guy in neon yellow is punting enemies to the ground.

And some random ass 10 y/o is screaming bloody murder as he incapcitates enemies thrice his size

If they were transformers what vehicle would they be

Dick: a clown car

Jason: a freight train

Tim: the Batmobile he embezzled

Damian: a horse-drawn carriage

Duke: a Mars rover

Cullen: a go-kart

Stephanie: a speedboat

Cassandra: a UFO

Barbara: a submarine

Harper: an 18-wheeler

Carrie: an ice cream truck

Kate: a bulldozer

Helena: a helicopter

Luke: a fighter jet

Bette: an ATV

Alfred: a coach bus

Selina: a limousine

Bruce: a suburban dad van

BONUS – the Joker: a Tesla cybertruck

*Tim being thrown back in time and deciding to not get attached to past versions of his family*

Also Tim: *somehow ends up with baby Jason following him around like a duckling*

Tim: ...well fuck

__

fic: A Family History Rewritten by MysticMalady, TheBestTinyDragon

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

Damian: I check out of school to go volunteer at the hospital

Alfred: *raising from the grave* FINALLY a member of this family with a NORMAL hobby, and it's volunteering at the hospital *dabbs corner of his eye with a handkerchief* it's about time.