Ghost Helpline

AU where Amity Parkers are basically elves in the DC universe.

Hear me out.

Canonically in the DC universe the Lazarus Pits are used to extend the life of Ras Al Ghul and others on top of bringing people back from the dead.

Ras Al Ghul is OLD. He has been around for hundreds of years.

Now in the DP x DC crossovers it is usually agreed that the Lazarus Pits are corrupted ectoplasm or ectoplasm mixed with magic or just un-pure ectoplasm. Regardless of what is chosen it is agreed that it’s base is ectoplasmic in origin.

Ectoplasm extends life and the entire city of Amity Park is

DRENCHED

in Pure ectoplasm.

Think about it for a moment. The ENTIRE CITY of Amity Park has constant exposure to the PURE form of the Lazarus Pits. After a few years they would JUST STOP AGING.

Danny and his sister (and Dani if she’s in your fic) would be first.

Tucker and Sam and Valerie would be next.

Vlad only looks old because of his hair colour.

The teens of amity who are constantly around fights would be next and everyone else afterwords.

Frankly immortal Danny is good.

IMMORTAL AMITY PARK IS HILARIOUS.

If you add in the headcanon that Amity flickers into and out of the ghost zone after the whole Pariah Dark incident which is a place CANONICALLY OUT OF TIME.

Well now you got them aging even slower and the hilarity of Amity park just being a city of holograms to Elmerton and the rest of the world that you can sometimes interact with causing people to treat it more like a myth rather then an actual place you can move to if you’re insane enough. Also the ectoplasmic exposure would probably concentrate over time which would make it hard to move there or leave for long periods of time without getting insanely sick/going mentally insane/dying dissuading people from visiting/moving/leaving there even more and by that point the government might just decide to pretend the city doesn’t exist as long as they promise to keep their problems to themselves (personally I headcanon that ectoplasm is a heavy substance that disperses back into the ghost zone quickly and that it wouldn’t really spread outside of Amity Park so Elmerton and the surrounding are completely fine and that since Amity is exposed slowly over time the ectoplasm won’t immediately kill them). Throw in Tucker/Technus wiping out any information on them on the online world and you get the Justice League completely unaware of a LITERAL CITY OF IMMORTALS JUST CHILLING OUT A STATE OVER FROM WISCONSIN.

Better yet, since the aging is slowed down due to ectoplasm then the people of Amity would age similar to how the neverborn ghosts (like Boxed Lunch daughter of Lunch Lady and Box Ghost) so Mentally they ARE the age they look with just an INSANE amount of experience hence ELVES.

THINK OF ALL THE POSSIBILITIES THIS WOULD CREATE FOR FICS!

World ending event that the Justice League can’t solve unless they somehow develop a cure for an alien disease plaguing the world MEET random Amity Park scientist who has DEDICATED their life, even before it got extended, to solving diseases and has a ton of practice because ectoplasmic disease make logic go out the window anyways and 150 years of practice looking at things sideways means the “world ending plague” is solved within 10 minutes by a person on vacation.

Like the Justice League would be like *surprise Pikachu face* and this random Amity Parker would be like it’s no big deal and my vacation is over so bye AND WHEN THE JUSTICE LEAGUE TRIES TO FIND THE PERSON THAT SAVED THEM NOTHING WOULD COME UP AND IT WOULD DRIVE THEM INSANE.

Now what about Young Justice/Teen titans? They are trying to take down a bad guy and get civilians out of the way but the bad guy is tough and they can’t lose a fighter or more people WILL die and then suddenly this Asian teen (Kwan) who has had like 200 years of dodging practice and taking hits from both football and ghost fights and with slight enhanced strength that even old Amity grandmas have comes barreling through and grabbing people then professionally acrobating his way out of harm while luging like four people and continues to do so until the YJL no longer has to worry about civilians while fighting. Everyone on the team thinks the teen must be a meta and all agree that he’d be a perfect addition to the team only to not be able to find him afterwards and to realize that he doesn’t even come up on the Justice leagues facial recognition. Meanwhile Kwan was just so used to getting out of the way of ghost fights and when he saw people who couldn’t remove themselves from the danger zone he just acted on instinct cause sometimes amity kids can’t move fast enough and need an extra hand getting to safety which is no big deal and sides he’s still got to find that flower shop so he can pick up the lilies he KNOWS Dash loves and can’t get in Amity so that he can pass them on to Jack (another football player) cause Kwan knows they’ve been crushing on each other for the past 50 years and he is nothing if not a great wingman and friend who is more then willing to give them a shove in the right direction.

Like just the possibilities even without adding team Phantom professional ghost hunters/martial artists/weapons and technology experts/superhero/eldritch horrors/phycologist/hacker into the mix.

Every time the Justice League gets info on an Amity Parker it would just disappear into thin air like someone hacked into their computer and erased it leaving no traces whatsoever. Any physical documents they print out also just disappear even when placed in a locked room in space.

It would drive them nuts.

Just the Chaos immortal Amity Park would cause

Or or or they all got a different voices, some better at it than others making the bats think that some of the employees are disguising thier natural accents to not be spotted.

Also them thinking the employees are in on it is soooo hilarious - like why are they doing this? Amnesia? Mind control?

Danny didn’t mean to be so shady.

He had been working hard on his duplicates and had recently gained the ability to morph his appearance.

So he decided to challenge himself to see how long he could run a small business only using him and his clones.

The plan was to, at most, seem to have a group of quirky employees.

Unfortunately, it seems he has accidentally left more of an impression of being a shell company for less than legal reasons.

Good news is that he had did all the legal legwork properly and was not breaking the law.

Bad news was that the bats were getting suspicious and were trying to catch him in some sort of act.

Oh well, this just means that the difficulty has ramped up!

You know the “girl falls to Middle Earth” trope ? Does anyone know a good fanfic of this IN REVERSE?!?? I just love the idea of elves reacting to things especially music!

Thanks in advance!

Ghost helpline part 16- Everyone goes home

Billy walked out of the, surprisingly opened at 3 am, art store with bags of painting supply. Ducking into an alley, he transformed. He felt a lot better.

Alright he was ready to head for Gotham, after all his family was waiting for him there.

Now how to get around the Bats, he could probably avoid them if he walked in Bludhaven right?

- “Ow! What the hell! Billy???” The kid had decided to detransform mid air and ended up on top of the small vampire.

“Jack?”

The two looked at each other, “Holly shit are you bleeding! Did I do that?”

“What no of course not! I just got caught up with some bigoted werewolf.” Reds blood was already dry, skin scared as if the encounter had taken place days ago. “Billy what are you even doing here?!”

“Finished that pie at the diner and took a walk around the place. Was just starting to head home”

Translation: I’m done with my mission and patrol of Fawcett and am trying to go home.

“And you didn’t take the short cut home because?”

Billy quizzically raised an eyebrow, seriously what does my sister see in this guy? “ Taking the long way seemed like a safer bet, especially in a town like this.”

Translation: Do you want me to get caught by the Batman ?? Huh? Do you?

“Right, we should get going there’s no telling if that wolf will come back. Need a lift?”

“Can’t we just call Dandy to pick us up?”

Red shook his head, “No can do, he left to go pick up Violet chances are he’s barely coming back into town.”

“What do you mean pick Violet up? Where is she?!?”

“It’s a whole thing, just look I am not comfortable being here right now. Don’t you know wolves travel in packs? Do you want a lift or not!?!?”

“Fine.” Jack hoisted Billy over his shoulder, “This is humiliating.”

“Hardy har har, I may be a weak vampire but even I can care you in this form. Now hold tight.”

They disappeared in a blur of pink.

And Nightwing set down the binoculars, this was going to be a long report.

—-

Dandy was ready to strangle them.

“Hold on hold on we can just check the mirror again!”

“Flipping flapjacks, where the heck is Small-ville?”

Klarion could feel Dandy’s eyes burning into him. Whoops, “Well I at least need to know what state we’re in for me to teleport more accurately… so.”

Danka smiled, “So we ask for directions! We are literally on top of a farm right now - someone has got to be here!”

“Well not like we got any other plans here.”

A short walk, a pie and a conversation later Klarion managed to teleport them to the mansion.

Dandy couldn’t enjoy it for a minute. He stopped dead in his tracks, “Klarion, we forgot the car.”

—- —- —-

Bruce’s neck hurt, did he sleep on the

bat-puter again? No it was too soft. He shifted and opened his eyes… he was on a couch? Oh, OH. That wasn’t suppose to happen, he couldn’t have been that tired. The tv was off, and there was a blanket on top of him.

Vlad was gone and the lights were dimmed.

Great he had made a fool out of himself.

Right, it was time to leave. Right now. He could apologize later but he had to leave.

CRASH!

Bruce jolted into action. The sound came from upstairs.

// He’s so going to get robbed.//

Dick was right, for god sakes the house didn’t even have cameras!

Bruce ran up the stairs.

CRash! ThUd! “Ow damn nmit”

Oh that didn’t sound like a criminal… that sounded like a kid.

Two doors opened, Vlad and a little boy came out of them.

The kid had black hair and blue eyes, “Who the fuck are you?”

“Billy!”

“Whatever old man, next time just let us know before you bring some side piece over.”

Oh good god he was another Jason.

——

Bruce got into his car and went home.

He left felling giddy and guilty, holding Vlad’s number.

Dick knew better to keep secrets from The Batman, so he wasn’t going to lie. He just also wasn’t going to tell him what happened to his face. If Bruce really needed to know what happened tonight he could read the report on it.

—- —- —-

Violet stares at the phone longer than necessary, she’s got one shot at this. Don’t fuck up.

She plucks a number out of her inventory and dials.

Violet has never been close to Bradley, he was quiet and reserved. He insisted that she couldn’t do anything without help, well on the upside if someone thinks you’re useless it’s not like you can disappoint them more than you already do.

“Hey Brad, can you come pick me up… I’m at a pub… yeah again…”

- Brad hung up the phone and abandoned his brothers at the movie theater. His sister had called him, him! Not Dandy or Danka or Klarion! She had called him! And now he he had a little sister to save!

He checked the time on his Lock Screen, a picture of Violet having a stuffed animal tea party, it was his prized possession. His little baby sister was just so adorable and kind. And if anyone in Gotham hurt her there was going to be hell to pay! - literally!

—- —- —-

Yes it’s so good!

My guys, my gals, my pals, I have found a hidden gem of a manhwa. I love it, especially the f<cking MC. Who ever love MCs like Cale Henituse from Trash Of The Count's Family, Lloyd Frontera is similar to Cale. It's The Greatest Estate Developer, it's on WEBTOON, I seriously recommend it. 👌

Galadriel: I passed the test and shall go to the west

Me: that means their going to Valinor - like heaven

DM: so like thier version of “we sent it to a farm”

Okay but this could spiral so fucking fast like just Jason thinking he lost his memories of his boyfriend? Husband? What are we?!?!

Blue Screen

Danny is the type of guy gal ghost to Commit To a Bit. This is very common knowledge

But he may have overdone it this time.

---

Dan and Ellie had met the Red Hood, who seemed yucky. Ellie said this herself. Jason was not amused, and did not appreciate them following him around for the rest of the week.

After a bout of panic, Danny had finally tracked the tykes down. After seeing who they were with, he sighed. Of course those two would. Well he could play at that game.

Danny had popped in and pecked him on both sides of the helmet, leaving a casual lie before legging it.

"Hey hun, thanks for watching the kids. I'll take it from here."

---

It's been a month now, and somehow he has two kids with a notorious crime boss and goes on nightly dates with him.

I know the writers meant for it to be Damien insulting Tim by saying he’s a girl like misogyny

But also he is literally Talias son so...

Also just imagine Tim retaliating like okay you know what bet!

Tim *wears a dress*

Damian *makes fun of him*

Tim *wears an immodest dress*

Damian: why do I suddenly feel protective?

Tim *in an immodest dress getting HIT ON*

Damian: why do I suddenly want to commit murder !?!?

Also

Damian: this is the one you respect! Him? He’s in a ball gown !

Ra Al Gul : grandson I’ve been alive for centuries I do not fucking care ! Also look at him he just used his high heel to take down two shadows if. Anything this just makes him more impressive!

Damian *screams*

Tim: *is engulfed in a floor-length cape with only his mouth and chin showing*

Damian: 

One checks for poison…. Don’t ask how he dies lol

Poisonings happening for political drama, on accident or whatever else only to have a rat save the day !!!

Danny has a group of pet rats that he rescued from a lab. They follow him everywhere even as Phantom. Well Danny gets summoned one day and the league is surprised to see the ghost prince with five rats on his shoulders. "What's with the rodents?" Flash asked. "Kinda rude to ask someone about their service animals." Danny replies. The rats alert Danny before he has a chronic pain flare, before he has a tremor, and before he has a seizure. Being electrocuted messed up Danny's nervous system bad enough that he needs to have an alert animal or someone with him at times that recognize when he's about to have either a flare up or a seizure. The league is going to have a refresher HR course about service animals after the threat is dealt with.

.

Family Discussions-

Me: shut up 3’s an 11 is speaking!

Little Bro: you think we’re 3’s?!?! 😧

(I love that he was more concerned over me calling them 3’s than over the fact that I called myself an 11. Like yeah I’m great but so are they.)