Don't Have The Energy For X Requirement Of My Current Task So Let Me Just 5 Times As Hard Doing My Task

Had a dream where mini golf was added to the Olympics. And one of the Olympic mini golf athletes lost the gold because she hit the windmill.

And she tweets with a picture of the windmill and the caption “bout to go through my Don Quixote phase” and honestly I think that’s the funniest thing my brain has ever come up with.

Eh, fuck it, gimme that bagel news

The song that plays over the supermarket PA system in Rabbids Go Home just started playing at work why do I remember this

Ooze came early. It brought chips as an apology

I should use this site more often

I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

I think I'd do well avoiding predators because I can laze my ass off at work, in the back room on my phone sitting on a cart, but the instant I hear the faintest footstep pass by the door I'm up phone in pocket pretending like I'm busy

Like the Great Value "Luncheon Meat" that is literally just Spam

I love every store brand product that tries to sound better than it actually is

Task: flashes orange on my taskbar

Me: Oh, so it's ready to use?

Task: You buffoon! You absolute fool! It won’t be ready for another minute!

Oh no, you crit failed summon monster! Instead of a monster you summon (roll a d20):

A single goblin who is unable to fight your enemies but is very enthusiastic to try

An unimpressed horse

The monster you wanted to summon, but high off its tits on acid

Ben Shapiro

An extremely confused Grey Knight Space Marine

Just a fuck ton of fancy soaps

Your own spleen

A mimic who's very embarrassed at being seen non-shapeshifted

The monster you want to summon but at 200mph

Every monster ever published in any D&D book ever all at once

The IRL game group

A heartwarming narrative about identity and personal growth in the american west

An asteroid the size of Scotland

The Discourse

An exact mental and physical copy of yourself who insists that they just summoned you

Your dad who went to the store to "get milk" 20 years ago

D&D First Edition

Late Stage Capitalism

The monster you wanted to summon but deconstructed into inch-square parts

My fist into your face. Fuck you.