„People Who Make You Feel Better About Yourself When You’re Down Are Literally So Important”

I’ll never stop

Cried on my way to work today

Screaming empowering songs in the car but not feeling them

Yesterday was one of the harder days

I lost you...again

And no matter how many times we’ve already been through this, the pain never lessened

24 hours, from “Hey we should be spending more time together” to “We should end things here, I can’t do this no more”

World? Crushed

Heart? Broken

Again and again and again

Loving you ruins me

But

I

Just

Can’t

Stop

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

Silence.

5 weeks of total silence. Nothing but our friends telling me that you don’t want to see me, telling me about how you turned right around, the second you heard I’d come too and went back home.

I felt stupid. Uncomfortable, since you brought me there first and now I’m the one keeping you away from this place that was once ours.

Sad, angry, desperate for explanation. Why are you acting as if I was the one who messed up. I did nothing but show you love. Making you laugh in moments of sadness, sharing moments of true happiness, bringing you comfort after a busy day at work.

And damn did I try hard.

And damn did it hurt to fall back into reality, losing hold on cloud nine. Free fall. Hitting rock bottom.

Broken, but still looking after you from afar. Now watching her settle on the cloud that was ours, her making you smile.

I’m crying down here watching you two fly high, reaching cloud nine. But as long as I can see your smile, I’ll stay on the cold ground.

Ready to catch you, the moment you might fall.

Why am I like this

Sometimes I open tumblr because I feel like writing. And then I sit and stare at the blank canvas that longs to be filled by my thoughts but I just...can’t. I can’t. And it makes me angry. I want to write something, I need to write something, but trying to pin down the words that are constantly circling around my head makes me realize that I don’t have a f*vking clue.

I don’t know

Anything

I’m lost in my own mind and the longer I stare at the letters in front of me the harder it gets to come back up and breathe fresh air.

I don’t know

Anything

At all

And I can’t help but hate the words that make it onto the pages because they are not what I want them to be and they make me believe things that aren’t there and

Damn

I really don’t know

Anything

At all

Or at least that’s what this post makes me believe.

Karma will handle it for me

You keep switching between me and her.

You selfish prick.

Try thinking about others for once.

We’re humans as well and your behavior towards us is nothing but inhumane.

Go fuck yourself.

“Every time I look at you, I fall in love all over again”

Today was a beautiful day

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and I listened to my favorite music all day long. My thoughts were light and positive and my face showed a constant little smile. I was happy. After being down for such a long time today felt like a dream. Ups and downs are normal, but once you’ve experienced a very long Low, every little Up will bring joy even though you may have felt like you’ll be stuck in the depth of your own mind forever. I’ll tell you that you can handle it. Believe me it’ll be worth it. Try fighting for every single Up your life might bring you.

Today was a beautiful day and I’m pretty sure more will follow.

A process I’m still stuck in

Missing you makes me feel weak

You shouldn’t miss someone who broke you

Someone who took advantage of your kindness

Someone who made you feel worthless, still does

Someone who treats you like an option

Someone who does not care if they hurt you

Someone who never thinks twice

Someone like you

But I still do

Learning to be alone again is a process I’m still stuck in

But deep down I know

Missing you is better than being mistreated by you

So fuck missing someone like you

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

Missing my safe space

There’s nothing more heartbreaking

than being surrounded by the people that used to be your safe space

and realizing

that there’s a distance that has never been there before

and knowing

that you were the one

to create it

I’m so sorry for being a wreck

I miss you all

I’m trying

“Your mental health should be a priority”

Shine on

“I love looking at the night sky”

“You do? Weren’t you always scared of the dark?”

“I was- I mean I still am, but look how bright everything up there seems to be. Isn’t it amazing to know that most of these stars don’t even exist anymore, but their light still travels through space and brightens our nights? Something that’s long gone and still shows us its beauty.”

“That surely is wonderful.”

“I know, right?”

“But then what about the moon? It needs to be shown off by the sun, can’t even shine by itself and still - everyone is amazed by it. Isn’t that unfair?”

“Some grace needs help to blossom. I love the moon and everything about it. These nightly rays that light up the dark and then feeling them shine on me - that makes me feel magical.”

“You are magical.”

“Don’t you dare try to make this about me. It’s about the beauty of the universe.”

“But why? When I feel your eyes on me I feel magical, I feel like you help me blossom every single day and I for sure guarantee you that your beauty will forever shine on in this universe.”

“Don’t be silly, I ain’t got no shine. And it won’t be seen forever in no universe.”

“In my universe it will.”