✨my personal blog✨ painful levels of demisexul // 2001 baby // (she/her)🏳️⚧️ 18+ stuff on here be warned
224 posts
Latest Posts by insecure-abyss - Page 4
...obsession problems??? i dont have problems with obsessing. im amazing at it, actually.
I'm bored I need women to perform experiments on me
Idea for a hdg fic:
Soren is one of the last feralists on the run, able to escape thanks to cybernetic enhancements. Just before the Accord fully collapsed, they designed these cybernetics that would allow humans to match the speed of the Affini.
These cybernetics went on all four limbs, and were shaped like a cats legs. Soren liked wearing them even when he wasn’t running, for no particular reason! Cybernetics are cool, that’s all!
But of course, the Affini (perhaps encouraged by the animalistic chase) catch up, and Soren learns that these cybernetics aren’t just gonna be temporary. ;3
transfem who gets bottom surgery to replace her penis with an ovipositor.
i think dying or killing for someone is slightly overrated. dying just means you'll leave my side, killing means you'll leave my side as well. so it's a lose-lose there. and if i were to die for someone or kill for someone, they'd lose me. lose-lose, nothing good.
but living for someone? learning to appreciate life once again, to appreciate people again? oh god that's the kind of love i yearn for. live for me as i will live for you-- start to enjoy the flowers, the breeze, the clouds that pass in the sky, the little things you find enjoyable. live for me, and i will live for you.
femmes dressed as bunnies...
femmes in thigh highs, with pretty little collars and fluffy bunny ears
femmes with fluffy tail plugs on all fours
femmes in cute little outfits, wiggling their hips, eager to show off for you
bunny femmes.......
- this post is 18+ wlw: minors/men dni-
i saw this:
and thought it would be fun to actually work that out. so
^^^ every doctor who episode in chronological order
(pls let me know if theres any mistakes! i got most of the info from the tardis wiki so idk if its 100% accurate)
btw!!! the episodes are ordered by where they go FIRST in the episode :) (PLEASE STOP TELLING ME TO PUT UNEARTHLY CHILD FIRST THEYRE IN 1963 FIRS TPLEASEEEEEYEGEHFEHFYUFHGEUYS)
ngl hdg kinda amazes me in its ability to cater to my kinks pretty much perfectly while simultaneously triggering several of the worst parts of my trauma.
like how is it that it hits on everything i like on the surface, provides semi-decent worldbuilding to back it all up and enable the creation of stories, and even has consistent backstory and stuff, and yet the entire damn thing instills this looming sense of dread and fear that i can't shake enough to properly enjoy it...
below the break im gonna talk in like. moderate detail. about the parts that scare me. so uh yeah be aware that it'll get heavy that's just how it is.
ok, so the worst thing for me. wellness checks. the idea is cute and kinda hot on the surface. "make sure you're okay and if you're not you're getting domesticated" (which is supposed to be like. a happy thing. "now you get to just chill and be happy and get taken care of forever and in return you give me only your submission"). yeah, fuck it, im into that. hell that's not even an uncommon trope in the realm of cnc/mc writing.
except whenever i read an hdg wellness check story (in the sense of those long-ish tumblr posts that people write—i haven't even really considered reading the longer form content on ao3) there's something viscerally... off... about the tone. it stops feeling like kink and starts feeling like a nightmare when things happen to line up just so, and then it clicks, and reminds me that i knew people, real people, who had "wellness checks" happen in real life, except that instead of it being a kink thing that made them happy and was genuinely for their wellbeing, it was that their parents had hired people to kidnap them and drag them to a psych ward when they just needed a therapist. not all of those people that i knew have come home, as far as im aware. some have been gone for years.
and what about the whole idea of the non-consensual part being okay because "it's for your own good". in hdg-land it is. it's genuinely good for you and everyone seems to be happy with it, other than the occasional "bad guy who hates good things" trope (feralists, in hdg, afaik). but that's exactly what they told me when they cut contact between my boyfriend and i while he was in the hospital. "it's for your own good." guess what, it wasn't. his parents didn't like our relationship. they wanted me to forget him. they either didn't understand or didn't care that i couldn't. it was a year and a half before he came home and i had forgotten nothing.
our loss of communication was the tipping point in a series of events that, had i made one decision differently in the end, would have killed me. thankfully i fucked it up and am here today, no longer in that bad of a place may i add. im choosing not to share any of what happened to me directly right now because i don't want to turn this into a full on trauma dump, but suffice it to say there are recurring themes.
it's so interesting to me because in a lot of ways i have found comfort from those experiences in kink and writing. take flames of averon: mech pilots are neurochemically bonded to their handlers. how different is this from what the affini do to their florets? well, you have to sign up to be a pilot, and there's no authority in the world threatening you if you choose not to. even the coalition military wouldn't dare force you to become a pilot against your will, though they might never stop sending you promotional flyers if they find out you're able to tolerate the cyberware /lh
hell, im into cnc. im really into it. i chose to leave it as an opening between pilots and handlers in foa. the implication exists that if a handler tells their pilot to do something the poor thing will have a hell of a time saying no. that's intentional. it's hot to me, on either end. but the safety comes from other things.
yes, your handler has a lot of influence over you at a level that's hard to imagine, but you chose them and they chose you (most of the time), or at the very least neither of you had any complaints to raise with your supervisor when the paperwork came in for syncing your link chips (holly and astrid from seat of consciousness).
yes it's true, you can't be reassigned now that you're bonded, but that doesn't mean you have zero recourse if your handler is treating you badly. if you need to, you can always file paperwork with your commanding officer to request that something be done.
plus, handlers go through a lot of training, which includes screening to filter out people who would actually harm their pilots. yeah, some handlers are a little sadistic, but when it comes down to it they are on your side. if that wasn't the case they would never have passed pre-basic.
put another way, as a pilot in flames of averon, the closest thing ive ever written to a floret, there are a multitude of points at which you could have said no and didn't, and although that's obviously still noncon in the grand scheme of things, it's "signing away your freedom" cnc compared to the hdg flavor of "you 'consented' via it being the best thing for you whether you like it or not."
even if your handler just told you to "stay" for the first time and you're currently panicking and trying to figure out why your legs won't move, you still have some tiny amount of agency—an escape hatch, so to speak—and you'll just never end up having to use it.
and to me, the loss of that minute level of agency which will never be invoked is the difference between "this is hot as hell and feels perfectly safe" and "this is the abuse that was once leveraged against those i cared about, and to some degree myself, and it's simply been repackaged with a kink sticker slapped on."
none of this is to say i hate hdg, it's fans, those who write about it, or even the parts of it which scare me. i do think the idea is hot. hdg is pretty cool. hell, it was one of my inspirations in writing a lot of the pilot/handler dynamics in flames of averon. but it does scare me. and no matter what i tell myself i can't shake that fear.
it's frustrating, because oftentimes fear can be part of what makes something hot, but the particular flavor of fear which hdg instills in me is one which makes bitter all that it reaches. maybe someday i'll grow out of it. the traumatic memories from which that fear stems were only created in the past couple of years, to be fair. but something tells me a piece of that fear will never be fully dislodged from my mind.
so, all this to say, while i am into hdg, it's a complicated relationship.
(and on a sillier in character note to lighten the mood—please feel free to respond to this with roleplay or whatever you like!)
to any Affini out there who might be reading this, know that im not scared of you. im not scared of what you represent. im only scared by the fact that you mimic that which has left the scars you see on my soul today. im not against being taken in as a floret, and none of this is to say that i hold any level of disdain for you.
i only ask that you be gentle with me. what has been broken once can be broken again. please, do not let it come to that.
Happy gojira day :0
it’s fucking crazy that Harris’ stance on trans rights is “we should follow the law”. like aren’t you running for office girl? isn’t the whole idea that you will Make Changes to the pre-existing laws? truly continuing Biden’s legacy as the “why won’t anybody do anything to stop this?!” president before she even gets into office.
sorry I always felt undesirable my entire life and it gave me kinks of wanting someone to desire me so extremely it's uncontrollable for them as if that's my fault
I want to be forcefully pet by at least two people. Like the way a group of people will gang up on a dog and pet it real hard and it loves it? I need that in my life. I need to not be able to keep track of the hands on my body.
Let me decide what you will wear tonight. Let me decide where we will go. Let me decide how high you will wear your skirt. Let me decide what you will say to the bartender. Let me decide how many drinks you will have. Let me decide your limits. Let me decide to make out with you in public. Let me decide your own desires. Let me decide when its time to climb into my bed. Let me decide how you want to be touched. Let me decide the person you should be.
#lies and slander #this is NOT #SHUTUP
having a nervous girl in my dms is sooo cute,,
her pretending to be shy and absolutely innocent, starting a conversation with a ‘hi, didn’t mean to bother you, but your posts are so nice’
nice, mhm? maybe you meant that they are hot?
maybe you wanna tell me about you reading them with your friends or family around and trying to hide how fucking horny you became because of them? how you’ve been squeezing and rubbing your thighs, trying not to be so obvious, trying not to show that my posts turn you on so much you’re becoming a wet needy mess?
you’re so easy, baby, sooo obvious
but sure, go on, say hi to me,, as if you still wanna play the role of an innocent baby who’s not thinking about me sexting you how turned on i am because of your little act and how badly now i need to hear you whimpering in an audio for me and calling me mommy <3
Make me.
Yeah, yeah. I heard the song and dance. I get it. You're here to make my life better because you're wonderful, because you just care that fucking much.
Make me.
Yeah, that's right. I'm not able to stop you- I don't think I can, physically or otherwise. But I'm not going along with this bullshit just because a pretty face asked with a smile. I made it through a lot before you got here, and I don't need someone else running the last few yards of the race on 'my behalf' and taking the credit for the whole damn thing. If you want to help me that much, if you want to say you saved me? You're going to have to fucking earn it.
So Make me.
Make me want what you're offering. You talked a big game about doing what's right for me, even when I don't want it. You've got drugs on you right now that could fix my gender dysphoria, that could finally get the intrusive thoughts and constant anxieties to sit down and shut up. You could melt my brains out of my skull, throw me into a brilliant hurricane of pleasure and joy, surround me in a cocoon of your vines. You can ignore me when I get defensive, when I lie to your face and try to push you away, when I say one thing but desperately need another.
Things like, 'I don't want any of that.' Things like, 'I'm not tired. I'm not in pain. I haven't forgotten how to let another help me like that.'
So make me.
Casually fingering a trans guy who’s sprawled across my lap with one hand as I focus on the book I’m reading. Vaguely acknowledging his whines and the way he’s desperately trying to hump my thigh but never quite finding the right angle. His poor little dick needs some attention but that’ll have to wait for later. I need to at least get to the next chapter, and when this one finishes on a cliff hanger, well I’m sure he’ll be a good boy and wait a little longer.
two perfect things in this world
1. burger :3
2. girlcock from a musky girl who is hell bent on filling me with her yummy cum!!!!
i have 1, just need to find my 2! <3
I would watch you as you sleep, my darling, my fingers tracing the vulnerable curve of your throat. I could take everything from you in a heartbeat, yet I choose not to. Instead, I linger, my presence a silent threat, a reminder of the hold I have over you. And when you awaken, my gaze still upon you, you would know that your every breath is a gift I have allowed you, a mercy granted by my unyielding love.
cute trans girl….cuddling a cute trans girl….cooking for a cute trans girl…..showering with a cute trans girl…..sensually fucking and sleeping with a cute trans girl…..falling in love with a cute trans girl…..marrying a cute trans girl…..mmh 🥺🥺🥺
god damn it I just read Human Domestication Guide and now I have to play stellaris, the hot plant women have got to me
Just got my ticket to Nova Prospekt!!! :D Vacationgoals!!! :D
The very idea of you leaving—it’s laughable. Perhaps I’d let you run, allow you to believe, for a brief and foolish moment, that freedom is within reach. And then, at the cusp of your escape, I’d catch you once more. Oh, how sweet it would be, watching hope drain from your eyes, feeling the weight of your defiance crumble in my hands as I pull you back into my embrace.
any tgirl born after 1993 can’t cook… all they know is Monster’s, cuddle they BLÅHAJ, frot, be ouppy , eat estrogen & lie (in bed)
she’s a 10 but doesn’t know how to regulate her emotions and goes from super obsessed to completely cold
Look I touched grass... look... see? I'm normal now right?
glimpse into my beautiful imaginary world where arthropods are really big and we domesticated them
edit: people are starting to say some "my worst nightmare" or "eeeww no that one is yucky and scary" comments on this like they do on any bug post and id like to say. it's fine if you don't like bugs it's fine if you're scared of bugs but don't put that on MY post clearly talking about how much i like them and how cute i think they are. you can make your own damn post about how much you hate wasps or spiders or whatever. i'm blocking people who make these kinds of comments.
kissing and licking your tummy just above your boxers btw. if you even care
reading toxic yuri in public and nodding in approval so everyone knows i condone codependency and mutual abuse in real life