I Think Something I Want Most In The World Is For Someone To Hate Me.

200 days ago i told myself i needed to start healing. I even wrote it down.

And then i did.

It was hard.

And it hurt.

In August of 2021 I felt happy for the first time.

It’s now January and guess what? Things aren’t perfect or even that great.

And I. Am. Still. Happy.

Yes there are bad things. [I miss my partner who FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON has chosen to be born british. And i am not. Thankfully. But it does mean he is far away. Not cool. >:\ ]

BUT IN SPITE OF THAT

I am still happy.

i am loved

i am love.

i like this.

And I love this

And i love me.

And I love my people who love me and helped support me while I healed.

And so, I am happy.

sometimes you just come across a storyteller who knows how to pull heartstrings like a harpist. I keep those close to my chest.

catJAM

i reached out to someone and it didnt go well. Except in reality it really could’ve gone well. I didnt really give myself the space to be rejected- so now here i am back on my own.

It’s like i whispered to someone in a windy tunnel and hoped they heard me.

i want to run away and bury myself in a bog.

Just inhale peat moss.

Let watercress grow from my ribs.

no more society.

no more squabbles.

only frogs and phosphine.

:,)

if you see this give me attention

i need it

the guitar and his voice and the voice cracks and the straining and all the passion he puts into it and the texture of the song and how happy he looks and and and and

may this year be kinder and gentler to you

"you'll understand when you're older" is a song for early morning walks where it's a little bit chilly but you're not freezing because the sun is out

i just think about him so much