Coffee, A Good Book, Comfortable Silence With My Moon, Absolutely A Perfect Way To Spend A Post Christmas

My moon

My moon shines for me.

I look from below, darkness clawing at my body.

I feel the icy fingers of self doubt.

I feel the heat of the blade of my own hatred taking ever opportunity to bury itself into my brain.

Before you I was on a path so empty.

Without you I'm lost, a broken compass, taking on water in the storms I chose to sail.

You believe in me.

I take your hand.

I'll wound you. I'll hurt you. I'll make you have moments of doubt, and unneeded pain.

I can pretend it's obsessive behavior, my need for validation, my weak value in myself.

Ultimately I can't follow that wire the one that ends at my mouth, the puppet of my mind, I look deep to find the source to see where the wire originates... If I had my way, I'd rip that fucker so hard out of my body and pray I was the man I wish I was with you.

I can't.

All I can promise is every mile down our path, every word spoken between us, every moment you give me your time, that I'll spend it showing you my love, my respect, I'll cut you when you need it, I'll care for you after, I'll strive to put you first and try to get you to feel it every day I am allowed.

All I can promise is I'll try to wear out that connection, to pull and wiggle, to break the internal connection, to render that wire useless, or all least render it unable to control it, with the force it has.

I value the moonlight that shines on me.

The shower... One of our favorite places.... Together until the water runs cold.

Waxing and Waning

11:11

This is a very open love letter to the one embedded deep in my heart.

Love

You are my obsession, I see your words /your face... My heart pounds and I feel calm, I feel perfect and right..... You are my addiction, I crave and need, in in those moments after our interactions I need, crave, my desire grows, so much I shake, you are powerful.

Don't ever feel you aren't strong, because i beg to differ.

You are my moon, my moonlight.

Why?

I look at the moon I feel calm, it's reflective light bathing us comforting.

I look up at the moon the same time as you and no matter our paths, no matter the distance, we are looking and loving the same thing.

Only you are my moon..my comfort, my inspiration. You are my light when all I see is dark, when I'm bright, you reflect my light, spread it farther than I ever could alone.

You speak to my heart, understand me in ways many could not, even when I don't understand myself you somehow find what it is I can't voice.

You take every part of my intensity, even though I know it's one of my biggest issues, you accept all my faults, the moments when I know it's my past trust /abandonment issues taking, and even when hard, with tears in your eyes, you not only handle me, but love me more.

I didn't have to learn to love you, and that is why it's so easy to love you.

The faults you carry, you know I don't see them as such, never have.

Thank you for your light.

Your love.

Your glow upon my life.

I hate that I'm afraid to sleep, not because of the demons that try to get at me as my dreams turn into nightmares.

It's because I survived today, everyone I care about in this fragile world I live in survived the day. Tomorrow..... Is inevitable and could be so much worse than any bad day I've ever had to live through.

While I go to sleep, against my will, but out of necessity. I know I have the comfort of my moon to glow upon me.

I don't take her for granted.

I'll just stay on the moon please... No going back for me

My most favorite part of the day, is when my moon rises, it fills a dark night with her soothing glow.

Under the moon I feel whole, I feel calm.

Her beauty unparalleled to anything I've ever known before it.

She gives, she shines, just because I can't always see her in orbit, I am blessed and feel her energy.

Ache....

Hard to describe the ache I carry for you.

I remember when it started, it was when I heard your voice for the first time, saw your eyes, felt your energy, that it began to bloom.

Felt like a slight burn from touching a hot pot from the stove.... It registered differently in me, pushed away things I felt and was definitely new.

Now..... It's something different.

It's an obsession, a craving powerful in scope.

You invade my thoughts, my body reacts like I need a nicotine fix, I physically quiver at the thought of you.

I know every curve, every speck of color in your eyes, your voice fills my head long after you speak, it's the only music I want to play.

I yearn for your touch, for your caress, I want to feel your fingers trailing my skin, your nails tearing into my flesh, I crave you invading my space, playing with my beard.

I need to touch.... I need to rip the clothes from your body and I need to tear you open.

I want to bruise you, hear your screams, I want to use every bit of you up, breathe in your air as I'm making your heart pound faster and harder.

I want to devour your body, pull you apart, get lost in your soul, feel your heart beating against mine as I dig into your darkness and the part of you that's only for me.

My ache decreases with every intimate stroke, filling you deep inside, every whisper, every sound.... Mine... Feeding I take.... I build... I consume you until the air is nothing but ash.....

Even as I slump into exhaustion, my lips full of your taste, my tongue savoring the salt of your skin.... As I feel myself running out of you and down your thigh.....

My ache begins to build again.