Peter, Randomly Quoting The Internet: Knowledge Is Knowing That Tomato Is A Fruit. Wisdom Is Not Putting

Tony: Thor, we can’t let Loki on Earth.

Thor: Why not?

Tony: Because he’s dangerous. He could kill us all.

Loki: So’s Natasha.

Natasha: He’s not wrong. [shrugs]

Tony: Well, he has magic and is unpredictable.

Wanda: Oh, so magic users can’t control themselves?

Loki: Wow, Tony, way to generalize an entire race.

Strange: If I recall, you were the one to turn against Wanda-

Tony: NO! Guys, I thought we were-[sigh] Okay, well he’s an ex-convict.

Scott: As a habitual ex-convict, my ant army and I find that offensive!

Loki: We have feelings, Tony.

MJ: Hey losers. Give me an honest answer on how much you hate Flash.

Peter: It cannot be represented by mortal means

Ned: I-

MJ:...That’s fair

A stranger cat calling MJ: Hey gorgeous. Want me to teach you something?

MJ: Sure. I’ve always wanted to know whether someone can die of constipation.

Stranger: Uhhh. What?

MJ: Will you die of constipation?

Stranger:

MJ: Cause you’re full of shit

Peter and Ned laughing: You killed him

Loki: Name a more iconic duo than my fear of abandonment and instinct to self isolate.

Loki: I’ll wait.

Thor: You and me.

Loki: *tearing up* a-alright.

Peter talking to a tired Thor: So what’s Loki to you?

Thor: The reason I get up in the morning...

Peter: Really?! That’s cool

What Heimdall watched happen:

Loki: Hey...

Brother

Thor: *continues snoring*

Loki: Blergh *stabs him*

I never sleep cause of you

Do you guys want to chose the winning card for my cards against humanity with the avengers? 

Loki at Midtown Tech: I have come to kidnap my adopted gremlin friend

Office Lady: I’m not sure who you mean. Would you like to ask over the PA system?

Loki: I would love too.

Loki into the mic: Hey gremlin, we’re gonna fight a god and kick his ass. And then we’re gonna cause mischief with the vent bird

Meanwhile in Peter’s classroom

Teacher: Well that was weird. Probably someone playing a prank...Peter, why are you getting up?

Peter: I’m gonna fight a god, kick ass and cause mischief with the vent bird. It helps a snake and spider de-stress.

Teacher: You know what? I don’t care anymore. “Fight a god” as long as you get your work done.

Ned after a moment: snake... snake... Wait, does that mean that was Loki?!

Clint: Sorry I took so long, I broke down on the way here.

Natasha: Oh, is your car okay?

Clint: Car?

Natasha:

Clint:

Thor: *giving uncle advice to peter* Remember, a good romance starts with a good friendship.

Loki: And a bad romance starts with a “ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma”

This has been queued for 357 days. Worth the wait