Why pick one favorite character when you can simply adopt every single one of them (except for the Dearborns, they go straight into the trashcan)?
280 posts
Officer: I heard you got pot
Matthew: *holds up flower pot* You mean this?
Officer: Oh, ok. What you growing?
Matthew: Weed
James: Hey, uh, so I’ve been reviewing this itinerary and I don’t really get it.
James: Are you sure we should release 300 live doves indoors? Won’t that get kind of messy?
Matthew: That’s why we feed them glitter, Jamie.
*after a few dates with Cecily*
Gabriel: Gid, what do you think of Cecily?
Gideon: I think you should marry her, brother!
*later that day*
Gabriel: Well, I don’t know if I’ll regret this sooner or later, but I followed your advice and now I’m engaged to Will.
Emma: I’m fine.
Julian: No, you’re not fine. How could you possibly be fine? You’ve been STABBED!
Emma: But I’ve been stabbed before, so it’s fine.
Julian: You don’t just develop an immunity to stab wounds!
Christopher: I can’t believe that Britain is 1903 years old!
Matthew: You idiot, that’s how old Earth is
James: No way! :O
Matthew: I can’t believe you two didn’t know that!
Thomas, about to cry: They’re so fucking stupid
Raziel: Did you give Johnny Rook the bison as I told?
Angel: Wait, what?
Raziel: The bison, so that he can shoot it and get his anger issues out...?
Angel: The bi son...
Raziel: The bison...
Angel: Bi son
Raziel: B i s o n
Angel: B i - S o n
Christopher: I almost got surprise adopted yesterday
Thomas: What?
Matthew: He almost got kidnapped
Thomas: Oh, okay
Thomas: WAIT WHAT
Tessa: Happy Birthday, Will! I got you a present!
*Jem walks through the door*
Will: OHMYGOD you got me JEM?
Tessa: No, no. It’s this book-
Will, through tears: HE’S PERFECT, TESSA, I LOVE HIM! Thank you!
Kit: Please, don't do this to me!
Ghost!Will: *eating a Kit Kat bar in bites instead of in bar*
Kit, crying: Please, stop-
Cordelia: I made a marshmallow Alastair, see? His arms are crossed because he’s mad at all the other marshmallows for annoying him. Do you like it?
Alastair, clearly emotional: It’s okay
Will: I’d like to phone a friend
Game show host: I haven’t asked you the questions yet-
Will: I know, I just miss Jem already
Kit: Hello 911? My hands are both stuck in Pringles tubes… both hands, yes…
Kit: Look, it’s not important how I dialed the number, just send help... STOP LAUGHING
Cordelia: So, tell me about yourself
Matthew:
Gideon at 2 am: Sophie, wake up so we can discuss our love for each other
Sophie: By the angel, I love you so much!
vs.
Tessa at 2 am: Will, if you want to discuss how to exterminate all ducks on earth for good I’m leaving you.
Belial: I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!
Thomas:
Matthew:
James:
Christopher, disturbed: … you eat pieces of shit?
Cordelia: Why are you lying on the floor?
Alastair: I have depression
Cordelia: Oh-
Alastair: I have also been stabbed three times
Cordelia: oH-
Airport security: No liquids allowed
Matthew: oh, ok
Matthew: *starts gulping it down*
James: Uhh, Matthew, you don’t have to drink-
Matthew: *dedicated to finishing bottle*
Airport security: You know, usually people just leave the shampoo behind but what do I know…
Jem: Netflix lied to me
Jem: I’ve never seen bad boy types protecting stray kittens revealing to me their soft side
Jem: It’s always me picking up the kittens.
Jem:
Jem:
Jem: Maybe I’m the bad boy
Sophie: I keep a portrait of Gid in my purse.
Gideon: Really? I have a portrait of you in my wallet!
Tessa: Aww, that’s cute. Will keeps a portrait of Jem.
Will: He’s just so damn beautiful.
Jem: Well, I did warn you
Will: Yes
Jem: But did you listen?
Will: No
Jem: Do you ever listen?
Will: No
Jem: Are you listening now?
Will: … no
Jem: Are you staring at my arse right now?
Will: N- yes
Jem: …
Will: In my defense it’s a nice arse.
Tessa: Hey, do you have a bag I can borrow?
Will: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes and they’re specifically designed to carry the burden of my entire existence.
Tessa: … literally all you had to do was say no.
Gabriel: If you had to go on a date with anyone of us, who’d you choose?
Jem: No way
Tessa, blushing: I’m not answering that…
Will: Jem
Everyone: …
Will: oH- nO waY, i’M NoT anSweRinG tHat!
Thomas: I want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Matthew: Okay, but in my defense, James bet me 3 pounds that I couldn’t drink all the shampoo
Thomas: That’s not what I wanted to-
Thomas: You drank SHAMPOO?
[TLH Group Chat]
Lucie: Hey guys, if you post your password in the groupchat it’ll block out!
Lucie: *******
Lucie: See?
Cordelia: That’s so cool!
Cordelia: *****
Matthew: heronchild4ever69
Matthew:
[Matthew has left the chat]
Simon: Hey, what is your greatest fear?
Alec: Losing a loved one
Simon: That’s deep…
Simon: … mine is the kool aid man, but I feel kinda stupid about it now
James: Aww, you’re so romantic, lighting candles for me
Grace, drawing a pentagram: I’m about to sacrifice you, if you haven’t noticed yet.
Matthew, violently shaking: I DON’T UNDERSTAND, I’VE FED THEM, WATERED THEM, WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!
James: Matthew, please put the fertilizer down, you’re scaring us.
Tessa: I wonder where we will be in twenty years
Will: Dead
Tessa: Let’s think positive!
Jem: We will all have a nice house-
Will: … 6 feet under ground
Kit: *crying* You’ve failed me. I thought I could trust you. Once again, I’ve been left homeless. After all I’ve done for you!
Mina:
Jem:
Tessa: I think we should stop playing monopoly…