Latest Posts by lasthourstid - Page 6

Officer: I heard you got pot

Matthew: *holds up flower pot* You mean this?

Officer: Oh, ok. What you growing?

Matthew: Weed

James: Hey, uh, so I’ve been reviewing this itinerary and I don’t really get it.

James: Are you sure we should release 300 live doves indoors? Won’t that get kind of messy?

Matthew: That’s why we feed them glitter, Jamie.

*after a few dates with Cecily*

Gabriel: Gid, what do you think of Cecily?

Gideon: I think you should marry her, brother!

*later that day*

Gabriel: Well, I don’t know if I’ll regret this sooner or later, but I followed your advice and now I’m engaged to Will.

Emma: I’m fine.

Julian: No, you’re not fine. How could you possibly be fine? You’ve been STABBED!

Emma: But I’ve been stabbed before, so it’s fine.

Julian: You don’t just develop an immunity to stab wounds!

Christopher: I can’t believe that Britain is 1903 years old!

Matthew: You idiot, that’s how old Earth is

James: No way! :O

Matthew: I can’t believe you two didn’t know that!

Thomas, about to cry: They’re so fucking stupid

Raziel: Did you give Johnny Rook the bison as I told?

Angel: Wait, what?

Raziel: The bison, so that he can shoot it and get his anger issues out...?

Angel: The bi son...

Raziel: The bison...

Angel: Bi son

Raziel: B i s o n

Angel: B i - S o n

Christopher: I almost got surprise adopted yesterday

Thomas: What?

Matthew: He almost got kidnapped

Thomas: Oh, okay

Thomas: WAIT WHAT

Tessa: Happy Birthday, Will! I got you a present!

*Jem walks through the door*

Will: OHMYGOD you got me JEM?

Tessa: No, no. It’s this book-

Will, through tears: HE’S PERFECT, TESSA, I LOVE HIM! Thank you!

Kit: Please, don't do this to me!

Ghost!Will: *eating a Kit Kat bar in bites instead of in bar*

Kit, crying: Please, stop-

Cordelia: I made a marshmallow Alastair, see? His arms are crossed because he’s mad at all the other marshmallows for annoying him. Do you like it?

Alastair, clearly emotional: It’s okay

Will: I’d like to phone a friend

Game show host: I haven’t asked you the questions yet-

Will: I know, I just miss Jem already

Kit: Hello 911? My hands are both stuck in Pringles tubes… both hands, yes…

Kit: Look, it’s not important how I dialed the number, just send help... STOP LAUGHING

Cordelia: So, tell me about yourself

Matthew:

Gideon at 2 am: Sophie, wake up so we can discuss our love for each other

Sophie: By the angel, I love you so much!

vs.

Tessa at 2 am: Will, if you want to discuss how to exterminate all ducks on earth for good I’m leaving you.

Belial: I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!

Thomas:

Matthew:

James:

Christopher, disturbed: … you eat pieces of shit?

Cordelia: Why are you lying on the floor?

Alastair: I have depression

Cordelia: Oh-

Alastair: I have also been stabbed three times

Cordelia: oH-

Airport security: No liquids allowed

Matthew: oh, ok

Matthew: *starts gulping it down*

James: Uhh, Matthew, you don’t have to drink-

Matthew: *dedicated to finishing bottle*

Airport security: You know, usually people just leave the shampoo behind but what do I know…

Jem: Netflix lied to me

Jem: I’ve never seen bad boy types protecting stray kittens revealing to me their soft side

Jem: It’s always me picking up the kittens.

Jem:

Jem:

Jem: Maybe I’m the bad boy

Sophie: I keep a portrait of Gid in my purse.

Gideon: Really? I have a portrait of you in my wallet!

Tessa: Aww, that’s cute. Will keeps a portrait of Jem.

Will: He’s just so damn beautiful.

Jem: Well, I did warn you

Will: Yes

Jem: But did you listen?

Will: No

Jem: Do you ever listen?

Will: No

Jem: Are you listening now?

Will: … no

Jem: Are you staring at my arse right now?

Will: N- yes

Jem: …

Will: In my defense it’s a nice arse.

Tessa: Hey, do you have a bag I can borrow?

Will: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes and they’re specifically designed to carry the burden of my entire existence.

Tessa: … literally all you had to do was say no.

Gabriel: If you had to go on a date with anyone of us, who’d you choose?

Jem: No way

Tessa, blushing: I’m not answering that…

Will: Jem

Everyone: …

Will: oH- nO waY, i’M NoT anSweRinG tHat!

Thomas: I want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Matthew: Okay, but in my defense, James bet me 3 pounds that I couldn’t drink all the shampoo

Thomas: That’s not what I wanted to-

Thomas: You drank SHAMPOO?

[TLH Group Chat]

Lucie: Hey guys, if you post your password in the groupchat it’ll block out!

Lucie: *******

Lucie: See?

Cordelia: That’s so cool!

Cordelia: *****

Matthew: heronchild4ever69

Matthew:

[Matthew has left the chat]

Simon: Hey, what is your greatest fear?

Alec: Losing a loved one

Simon: That’s deep…

Simon: … mine is the kool aid man, but I feel kinda stupid about it now

James: Aww, you’re so romantic, lighting candles for me

Grace, drawing a pentagram: I’m about to sacrifice you, if you haven’t noticed yet.

Matthew, violently shaking: I DON’T UNDERSTAND, I’VE FED THEM, WATERED THEM, WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!

James: Matthew, please put the fertilizer down, you’re scaring us.

Tessa: I wonder where we will be in twenty years

Will: Dead

Tessa: Let’s think positive!

Jem: We will all have a nice house-

Will: … 6 feet under ground

Kit: *crying* You’ve failed me. I thought I could trust you. Once again, I’ve been left homeless. After all I’ve done for you!

Mina:

Jem:

Tessa: I think we should stop playing monopoly…