Life Lessons I’ve Learned From The Men Of Queen

Hades: Persephone kissed me!!

Zeus: [gasp] No!

Poseidon: [squeals] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!

Hades: It’s unbelievable.

Poseidon: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!

Zeus: Okay okay, we wanna hear everything. Poseidon, get the wine and unplug the phone. Hades, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Hades: Oh it ends verrry well.

Poseidon: [rushing over with wine glasses] Don’t start without me! Don’t start without me!

Zeus: Alright, let’s hear about this kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips, or was it like a, y'know, “I gotta have you now” kinda thing?

Hades: Well, at first it was kinda of intense, y'know and then… oh god, and then we just sorta sunk into it…

Zeus & Poseidon: [squealing] Awwwwwww!

(Scene changes to Persephone, Artemis, and Hecate casually eating pizza)

Persephone: And uh, and then I kissed him.

Artemis: Tongue?

Persephone: Yeah.

Hecate: Cool.

Roger: Deaky, the big question is, does Brian like you? Cause if he doesn’t like you then this is all a moo point.

John: A moo point?

Roger: You know, like a cow’s opinion. It doesn’t matter, it’s moo.

John: Have I been living with you too long, or did that just make sense?

Poseidon: I was put on this earth to do one thing

Hades, disinterested: oh?

Poseidon: Yeah. Luckily, I forgot what it was so now I can do whatever I want

Same fucking energy

Roger: Can you at least try to see this from my perspective?

John: * crouches down *

Brian: * Gets on the knees*

Roger: I hope you both die.

hades: I am above all of you

hades: my eagerness, ability, and knowledge triumphs over all of you

hades: I am more mature and advanced than-

persephone: hey hades your dinosaur chicken nuggies are ready

hades: N i C e

*March 31*

Thanatos: So you know how you've been really happy that you haven't had to have any meetings with anyone?

Hades: ... yeah?

Thanatos: That's because every time someone requests a meeting with you, I schedule it for March 31.

Hades: Why

Thanatos: Because I didn't think March 31 existed.

Hades: So how many do I have today?

Thanatos: ... 93

Zeus: is the Chipotle past the strip club?

Poseidon: why is that your only point of reference?

Zeus: just answer the question

roger, running in : fred, i just heard! is it true that paul is terribly ill?

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

freddie : you sound so hopeful.

Theo: *phone starts ringing*

Cain: *looks at who’s calling*

Cain *grimaces*: you still call our dad ‘daddy’?

Theo: *answers the call and makes direct eye contact with Cain*

Theo: Hello, Adonis.

Cain: *chokes on drink*