Zeus: Olympus Is Amazing! Way Better Than Hades’ Underworld Fortress Of Loneliness.

Persephone: Well at least Hades’s a gentleman. A gentleman satanist

Hades: Since we’re going to Alaska for a while, i’ve left all of you a complimentary bowl of advice.

Hades, picking one piece of paper out of the bowl: For instance, “Theo, stop doing that” just applies to everything.

Life lessons I’ve learned from the men of Queen

Brian: It’s cool to be smart, to love math and science, to look up at the stars. Struggling with a mental illness doesn’t make you weak or unloveable. It’s cool to care about social issues, other people, animals, the planet. We all make mistakes; it’s how you move forward that matters.

John: It’s okay to be introverted, to be quiet, to only speak when you have something to say. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself if people don’t listen. It’s cool to be a homebody, to find joy in your partner and children. Love your friends fiercely, even if it hurts sometimes. It’s okay to grieve in your own way. Dance like no one is watching.

Freddie: It’s cool to be yourself, no matter who that is. Be kind, be a mentor, be a peacemaker, take others under your wing. You are never alone. If you have a dream, don’t give up: live it, breathe it, pour everything you have into it. Don’t settle for less than true love. Live without regrets.

Roger: It’s okay to be loud, to be fearless, to be outspoken about things that matter. Take risks. Make friends. Collect new experiences like souvenirs. Don’t let anyone dismiss your point of view. Protect those you love with your life. We only get so much time here on Earth; have fun with it. 

Dania: Am I in trouble?

Lucifer: Have a guess.

Dania: No?

Lucifer: Have another guess.

Hades: Persephone kissed me!!

Zeus: [gasp] No!

Poseidon: [squeals] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!

Hades: It’s unbelievable.

Poseidon: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!

Zeus: Okay okay, we wanna hear everything. Poseidon, get the wine and unplug the phone. Hades, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Hades: Oh it ends verrry well.

Poseidon: [rushing over with wine glasses] Don’t start without me! Don’t start without me!

Zeus: Alright, let’s hear about this kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips, or was it like a, y'know, “I gotta have you now” kinda thing?

Hades: Well, at first it was kinda of intense, y'know and then… oh god, and then we just sorta sunk into it…

Zeus & Poseidon: [squealing] Awwwwwww!

(Scene changes to Persephone, Artemis, and Hecate casually eating pizza)

Persephone: And uh, and then I kissed him.

Artemis: Tongue?

Persephone: Yeah.

Hecate: Cool.

Hades: ALL RIGHT LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITS

Hades: Raven, not you, you’re an angel and we’re happy to have you here.

Hades: *Accidentally steps on Cerberus's tail*

Cerberus: *Sad puppo yip*

Hades:

Roger: Hey Deaky, guess what’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Brian, covering John ears: Oh my god, rOGER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Roger: So much..-

Hades: I’m the sand guardian, guardian of the sand.

Zeus: POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM!

Poseidon: *starts to walk towards them*

Hades: FUCK OFF!

*March 31*

Thanatos: So you know how you've been really happy that you haven't had to have any meetings with anyone?

Hades: ... yeah?

Thanatos: That's because every time someone requests a meeting with you, I schedule it for March 31.

Hades: Why

Thanatos: Because I didn't think March 31 existed.

Hades: So how many do I have today?

Thanatos: ... 93