Having Bpd And Also Being A People Pleaser Is So Weird Because I Will Hate Someone When They’re Not

I hate living, but i don't wanna die because something is holding me back, but i don't know what it is and it's killing me.

I need to keep telling myself it’s not normal to look at sharp objects and wonder how it would feel to cut my skin open with them

It hurts.

why is my mind trying to kill me

its a genuine illness to be living and simultaneously battling the other half of myself from self destructing

I’ll always be the ugly friend, the friend that nobody ever finds attractive, the insecure friend, the depressed friend, the friend with social anxiety, the dumb friend, the always left out friend, the useless friend.

I promised myself i would stop cuttting, i guess some promises are meant to be broken.

anxiety has taken away all my happiness.

What's the point at living anyways?

I have a distinct memory of laying in my bed as a kid and wishing with all my heart that I would get hurt. That I would get into a bad car crash or I'd disappear. So my parents would cry and realize they didn't cherish me enough.

I find it sad that younger me thought she had to get hurt to feel loved.

It’s crazy to me that there are people out there who never thought about killing themselves even once where as I think about it 24/7 every single day