*Classical Music Intensifies*

It’s posts like this that make me wish tumblr had a “well, shit” button to press because I “like” funny posts, relatable posts, inspirational posts. But this. I do not “like” this. I feel the need to express the personal discontent this post caused and my only option is “like”

I’ve never quite been threatened like “You are young. Life has been kind to you. You will learn.”

Have you considered:

Modern furniture is a vengeful god that was never meant to be touched and all those who dare defy it will suffer eternal pain from the pits of hell

Real talk I hate modern interior design. I loathe it. I detest it in the personal vindictive way typically reserved for middle school bullies and extended family members who vote republican. Modern furniture design is grotesque, and not in the fun freaky way I respect. It is disgusting. It is morally indefensible. It has no back support, provides no comfort, no joy, no cushion for my tush or my spine. Minimalism does not exist for you, it in fact resents your very presence and the fact of your birth. These worthless sticks of chrome and pleather furniture are shaped solely to stroke the slimy egoes of fool designers & capitalists & hipster-cum-sports bars that charge $12 for an appetizer. Such morally defunct furnishings are for observation and corporate office waiting room decoration only, their raison d'etre is stubbed toes and back pain, they exist to punish you for having the needs of flesh, how dare you mistake them for friends

I laughed so loud someone asked if I was okay

Credit to ArtSpear Entertainment

How come your kid can be whoever they want when they grow up, but when I try it it’s “identity theft” and “illegal”

One of, perhaps the funniest conversations I’ve ever had:

Me: *explains double incision top surgery and why nipple grafts are necessary*

My dear friend, a cis woman: So do you get to choose whose nipples they are?

Me:

My friend:

Me:

Me: No honey, they’re my nipples. I do get to keep my nipples, they just borrow them for a minute.

My friend, absolutely delighted at this news: Oh! That’s good! I think it’d be a bit weird to have someone else’s nipples!

This

nothing brings me more joy than repeatedly doing a bit that my mother dislikes

2020 is that one guy you know who has to take everything up to 11

It is our duty as feminists to protect and respect women in Hijabs

Procrastinating be like

Add a sense of mystery to your RPG by not doing any game planning until 25 seconds before the first session.