I Wish I Could Be A Girl, And That Way You’d Wish I Could Be Your

i am emotionally ravaged right now from a “learn to dance” series holy shit

Discworld is so delightful because you get lines like "When banks fail, it is seldom bankers who starve" except it's spoken by a 7 foot tall sentient clay statue named Pump 19 and directed to a man whose name is Moist von Lipwig

Can I please see your balls I'm going through a lot right now

how funny would it be if socrates never said any of that and plato was just lying

My doctor says all the black mold in my body came from a single expired gram cracker which i just think is fascinating

If fish had legs they'd partake in the ides of march I think

thinking about the moment brutus' silky sharp knife penetrated ceasar's tender skin for the first time... the tears in the corners of his eyes glistening in the ravenous sunlight, his plump peachy lips in awe as brutus places a soft, chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth before driving the knife into his body again

pretentious moment incoming but why is everyone's idea of fashion so fucking boring these days. why the fuck did my manager just ask me "what's with the scarf". "what's with the scarf" fuck man do I need a reason to wear a faggy little scarf now? you could just say "nice scarf man". what's with your attitude

seething about the fact that i will never experience photosynthesis in my own useless cells. i bet it feels so good when the light of the sun both warms you and fuels you at the same time. a bone-deep satisfaction mixed with a heated sugar-rush and endless brightness. not that i would fucking know

Single funniest piece of Shakespeare merch I have ever seen.