Thesemidnightthoughtss - Midnight Thoughts

i don’t know why i feel sad, but i’m tired of feeling this way

i’ve been suicidal for so long that i’ve just been assuming i wouldn’t live even as long as i have so i never thought about anything long term and now i have no idea what i’m going to do and i’m more afraid to live than i ever was to die

I fought so hard in the past years for recovery and at some point I thought that I was getting better but now I hate my life even more than before and I don't know what to do anymore..

I’ll be here waiting for you. I want you to know that if you ever decide that you want me, I’m here. I’ve always been incredibly stubborn much to my own dismay. And it’s not going to be any different this time. So I will wait for you. Maybe you will come back, probably you won’t. But I’m not going to stop waiting for you.

I’m not giving up on us.

I’m so sensitive and I feel things on such an intense level. I can’t do moderation. Pain and happiness is something we all experience, it’s a part of life . But there is so much more pain than the happiness. And that little happiness is no where near enough to mitigate the pain. And thinking that I have to fight this battle everyday for the rest of me life is exhausting. I can’t do it. I feel tired down to my bones. Talking myself out of killing myself everyday. Scared of triggers. Struggling to do basic things. Feeling hideous and unworthy of love. So much self hate. How can anyone do this for their entire life.