Benjamin Fondane

“I mean, sometimes remembering can really destroy you.”

— Benjamin Alire Sáenz

― Mieko Kawakami, Heaven

“Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room. The only one you can hear.”

—

Lately it’s getting really hard to think about how much others will hurt if I kill myself. I don’t wanna hurt anymore. I’m tired of living because I don’t want to cause pain to others. Who is thinking about how much living is destroying me.

Can you please end this if you don’t want me? Because I can’t. I can’t do it. I won’t be able to forgive myself for ending it if we had a chance. And some part of me desperately clings to that tiny chance. Maybe it’s all in my head. I don’t know which it is. So please just do it. Because I can’t make sense of what you want anymore. It’s an earnest request, leave me if you want to.

Just put me out of my misery.

thank u dad for the irreparable psychological suffering 💓

I’m starting to care less and less about how people would feel if I didn’t wake up tomorrow.

How am I supposed to succeed at life when on most days my best is getting out of bed. I have no energy to work towards anything. Showing up is my best sadly. But how do you explain that to people.