Who Am I?

bpd culture is loving the mood swing right after a bad breakdown. yea i was sobbing for 3 hours but now i’m feeling GREAT what about it

.

Something bad is 'bout to happen to me I don't know it, but I feel it coming.

Might be so sad, might leave my nose running.

I just hope they don't wanna leave me.

Don't you give me up, please don't give up

Honey, I belong with you, and only you, baby.

This song is so bpd related.

I hate you, but please don't leave me.

BPD culture is WHO THE FUCK AM I

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"Stop using your bpd as a excuse." excuse? if you want this shit, here you go. how can i explain these personality changes when not with my PERSONALITY DISORDER?

i just try to fucking communicate i`m sorry i really am. but hey, your words kinda work as a punishment thanks for the trigger because i am fucking sorry.

my range of emotions go from “it’s scary how much i feel” to “it’s scary how much i don’t feel”

Those feelings of “every time i want its wrong” and “every time i have a desire its a burden” and “every effort i make is somehow draining to you”

Talking about healing-

I see rarely people talk about how wrong it feels to let yourself getting healed, getting help. it is not wrong at all of course, its good.

But it feels wrong.

Like, its hard to explain. Speaking for me, i struggle with myself (as far as I remember) since i am 6/7 and it only got worser.

And now you wanna tell me i can drop most of it?

Something inside me doesn't believe I can be happy. I can't find things that makes me happy for longer than a hour, max a day.

Something inside me doesn't want to.

Because i found to much comfort in my own suffering. The only thing that always was with me, that never left, are the feelings that came with my mental illnesses.

I just don't understand how i am supposed to feel like. To think like.

I want to heal myself, to get better, be better for persons around me. I want to learn to control my bpd.

But I am really scared.

We love the feeling of permanent panicattacks

They will never understand the sadness that you can physically feel in your chest

.

Can you help the hopeless?

Well, I'm begging on my knees

Can you save my bastard soul?

Will you wait for me?

I'm sorry, brothers, so sorry, lover.

Forgive me, father, I love you, mother.

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

Can you feel my heart?

I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone.

I long for that feeling to not feel at all.

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

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Love this song. Its my comfort song since years, seemingly to perfectly describe how i feel.