Vposledniyraz - Vero

Slightly glad I don't have any internet connection in the complex whilst on holiday cuz now I don't have to deal with it if he decides not to message me.

No wonder I want 2 cut cuz of u lol. When u go off on ur own and don't think about me or how I feel, it makes me want to open my arms. U should be with me so I don't have to feel like this. Sometimes I think u want me to feel like this. Maybe ur wishing for it. Fucking asshole

Crazy to me that I don't allow myself to be happy (without actively trying) because I'm not supposed to feel human feelings. It's become natural to act like a dog. Something euphoric about that.

You have no idea i can't live without you. You have no idea my whole world revolves around you. Being around you fixes everything. Wish I could be around you all the time so I wouldn't have to pretend.

You sound like such a good dog. Sorry your FP takes so long coming home. Hope they treat you well soon.

Thank u :( barking at u affectionately.

He had the audacity to tell me that he'd be speaking to the American friend when they were online. No, you're not. You're coming here to spend time with me. I don't have anybody else like you do. I don't have someone to turn to when you're not around, when you don't want me, I don't have someone I can call my "partner". You're pulling me to shreds.

It's not fair that you can just have someone else so easily. I'm trying to find other people, other friends, but none of them are like you, nobody's the same, similar. I can't trust them like I trust you, and even then, I don't know WHY I trust you after being hurt by you like this. Maybe it's because I have just enough rationality to recognise that I'm the problem. But something inside me is prying, telling me that I'm not the problem, that you should be treating me so carefully, like I'm glass that's about to shatter, that you should know how fragile I am. I don't know anymore.

When can I be free of you? Maybe it’s my karma. Maybe I deserve to suffer from you.

I hate having dreams. Why did I have a dream about him telling me he wants to know what I'm into so he knows how to play with me and him saying that he loves me and that he's attracted to me and wants to be with me forever. My head is fucking evil.

We r drinking and having a good time and he's soured it by telling me that his American friend was sending him posts. I'm going to crash out istg.

Fractured. I’m about to kms and I’m so close to being serious.

Everything was so fine until right now.

I’m going to drink so hard to forget it and try to ignore it.

Things r so good so far this week.. waiting for the inevitable fracturing. Though, if that can happen AFTER next week once he's visited me (a SUPER recent development. I'm so excited.), I'd be very grateful. World, hear my plea.