☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⏾ Rolling Girl

Real big tonal difference when you're a fan of both

🍎 and 💜 for the ask game!!

(plz tag our system blog Xenith screwed up by using our main lol @the-eyeris-collective)

pluh @the-eyeris-collective

🍎 "if you experience amnesia barriers, are there any headmates who have inconsistent barriers?"

a: ehhhhhh not really. don't know how to explain it. we are all kinda inconsistent with these sorts of things but generally we have emotional blackouts/greyouts and we don't remember what the others were doing until later. (can be days, weeks, or months later)

💜 "do you have any age or age-identity that has more people aligning with it than others?"

a: yeah! there's a lot of adults and those with complicated ages. complicated ages for us include chronosians, those who don't have a concrete age, and those who just kinda slide around or some shit. the adults are usually in their early to mid 20's but there are a few outliers who are older

Piece I made for @doctorassistedzine 🔴🔵

Keep the flame going for those we have lost to suicide. 

voting grits because it is the only thing on this list i don't really like, my bad chat. the texture is, yes, made to be gritty, but good lord my autistic ass hates it. no hate to the grits fans

and don't call me out for being a yank... ermm... i've lived in the bible belt for a little over a decade 😭😭🤓

Attention everyone, in need yet again. It is early Sunday morning 3/30/2025 as I am writing this, and I have not managed to raise the money needed to avoid ending up outside. Room cost can possibly go up to $70 on the weekend. Also, in need of funding for food.

Buy me a ko-fi or purchase a commission here!

long kinda vent ahead hooray. it's kinda system-flavored this time. tastes like lemon. 🍋

sometimes it's really hard being a system, especially one that is so, like, hyper-aware of everything i have. every disorder, every disability. thing is, i can't do anything to fix myself!!

i've literally told my own mother about separate identity states and the memory loss and whatnot. she said to my therapist that i "was right about the dissociative thing," even if we were only diagnosed so far with unspecified dissociative disorder. the dmdd diagnosis typically leads to an adulthood diagnosis of bipolar, which i'm actually scared about. i fit much more into borderline, just like my mom.

ugh, i don't know. i don't even know what i'll be diagnosed with, come adulthood. i mean system-wise. we're a trauma-endo system (which some fuckheads will already think is enough to not warrant a diagnosis, thanks for that) that doesn't switch from the main host a lot. we have good communication when i can switch out from the front, but we don't have complete memory loss. if anything, it's more like emotional amnesia and the memories are kinda gone too, but they can come back at a later date.

for example, our medic fictive had to call the cops (they didn't even do anything either, but it was our mom's last resort) one night at 2 am last year. i don't remember it well, but i remember it happened. he was terrified that night and he couldn't switch out.

but what the fuck could we even be diagnosed with? i want a diagnosis. i want to figure out exactly what is going on with my brain. most of my parts aren't exactly same-y. they're different people, at least most of them are. sure, we have to mask a little bit, but they think and act a little different than me. we have the memory loss, but i've always had a horrid memory, even before our late syscovery in january of 2021. but i sometimes feel like it's not "bad enough" to warrant a full-on did diagnosis.

it just confuses me. a lot of the times before, my mom would see me looking up disorders and go "oh, shi's just looking hirself up again." but i'm just that aware of what's wrong with me. people either see me and disregard my research, or i just don't know how to help myself. those are the 2 results. yes, i have a therapist. yes, i open up to her and she makes me feel safe, much more than any other therapist i've had in the past.

i just don't know how to help myself. to help us. i want to live in functional multiplicity, mostly because i get so tired and i get so lonely. i don't want these people to be gone at all. if anything, they give me someone to talk to, even if our headspace isn't permanent and we don't remember our own conversations, even if we jot them down. my memory absolutely sucks. i can't remember faces, names, or even voices sometimes. i can't remember people.

basically, i love and yet hate being disabled by anything my mind and body throws at me. i like the community, i like learning about myself. i hate the symptoms, i hate the confusion and the doctors not being able to do their fucking job. ahem, looking at you doctors who only tested me for SLEEP APNEA, which i definitely do not have. now they want to test me for narcolepsy... which i probably don't have, either.

sometimes i wish what it was like to be of sound mind and body, even if it was for just one singular day.

Get normaler about introjects by the way. This isn't limited to fictives, either. Get normal about factives as well. When I say introjects in my posts, I always include factives. Some people seem to forget that factives are included in introjection.

"Introjects aren't their source" Applies to factives.

"Plurals don't always control who they introject" Applies to factives.

Factives are always included in my support. I love you factives. You aren't creepy for simply existing.

Thanks.