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Dad Jokes - Blog Posts
Mom: What time is it? Brother: Summer Time! Dad: Time to get a watch Me: Adventure Time! Me: Ha! We did, we did a thing! The, the, uh, whatever nevermind
What is the destructive mischief made by nonbinary people called?
THEYhem
Does anybody have any good dad jokes? I need them for absolutely no reason at all
Yesterday after dinner
My mum to my brother: Hey, you need to do your piano practice
My brother: okay, let me just go to the bathroom first
My mum mockingly: unacceptable, you must piano first
My dad not looking up from his food: Lol brings a whole new meaning to “piano stool”
Me: *dies*
Rosalin: so, Cale, how's your slacker life going?
Cale: Good. The other day I was reading a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.
Rosalin: pff- *high pitched* yeah? I-im glad-
*Raon in his phase of "Why questions"*: Human, why oysters are so disgusting?
Cale: because they are bad, they don't even donate to charity, do you want to know why?
Raon, listening seriously: why???
Cale: Because they're shellfish
Rise April Challenge 21: Jokes
Prev - Next - Masterpost Ao3 Link: Here
Leo had a sly smile as he approached Casey from behind, who was sitting on the couch with Mikey watching TV.
“Hey, man.” He said, leaning over and wrapping his arm around Jr. The time traveler looked up with a bright smile.
“Hi Leonardo. How are you?”
“Oh, I’m wonderful, my friend.” Leo said, eyes mischievous. “Say, I was wondering, what do you call a baby butterfly with whiskers?”
Casey tilted his head in confusion, while Mikey's eyes widened, and he sat up straight. A look of fear on his face.
“Leo don’t-”
“A cat-erpillar.”
Mikey fell back and groaned in annoyance, while Leo erupted with laughter. “Oh, that was a good one.” Leo brushed away a tear.
“But... caterpillars don't have whiskers.”
The two brothers stared at Casey for a moment, and Casey just stared back. Then his eyes went wide with realization.
“Oh, because cats have whiskers, and caterpillar starts with ‘cat.’ Cat-erpillar.” He started chuckling and giggling. “I get it! That's pretty funny sensei.”
Leo’s eyes went wide, and his face fell with shock. Then he lit up like a sunrise. Mikey saw this and began to wave his arms around in a panic.
“Leo, wait-”
“Oh, this is going to be fun!”
“No, it won’t! Leo, please-”
-
The next time they were eating pizza with the family. Leo smiled and bumped Casey’s shoulder with his own.
“Hey, kid.” He said and Casey looked up. “I saw this really cool chimney for sale and was thinking about buying it.” Jr furrowed his brow, while everyone else went stiff with concealed panic.
“Why would you want to buy a chimney? We live underground.” Leo waved his hands dismissively.
“Not important to the story. I thought it was going to cost a lot it turns out it was-”
“Nardo, please!”
“-on the house.”
The table erupted in groans and there was a bang as Raph dropped his head to the table. Casey just nodded at his master's words.
“Well, that was nice of them.” He turned and took another bite of pizza, then stopped mid chew a look of deep thought on his face. Then, he spit out the bite as he started to laugh.
“OH! On the house! Because roofs are on top of houses.”
“Ah, there you go.” Leo said, slapping Casey on the back. “See guys, he gets it!”
“This is going to be a thing, isn’t it?” Donnie asked, unenthusiastically and already knowing the answer. Leo just smirked back.
“Of course, it is.”
-
Leo and junior were sitting by themselves on a rooftop, when Leo turned to his friend.
“You know, I used to have this friend with kind of messed up feet.”
“Really?” Casey asked, turning to face him.
“Yeah,” Leo said, leaning back. “He would always stand super crooked and would always have to keep rocking back and forth to keep standing up.” Casey's face pinched in sympathy at the thought.
“Did it hurt him?”
“Naw, it was mostly just annoying or uncomfortable. Eventually, his doctor recommended that he at these new orthopedic shoes, and he kept saying that they weren't for him, but he did end up getting them and now he...”
Leo looks Casey straight in the eyes as he finishes his sentence, looking like the cat who had caught the canary. “...stands corrected.”
Casey just smiled back at the smug face.
“That's good for them. I'm happy they found something that works.”
Silence. Then-
“Wait a sec! Mater Leonardo-”
“HAHAHHAHHA!”
-
“Casey!” Leo called, and Jr quickly bolted over worried.
“Leonardo, what is it?” He found him standing by the closed bathroom door. Leo looked over and smiled.
“I need your help.” The turtle said, stepping back. “The door is jammed.”
And, indeed, sitting on the door handle was a jar of jam.
“Ok, I’ll try and open it” Casey said politely, walking over and picking up the jar. He was already pushing down on the handle before he looked at the label on the jar and froze.
Leo burst out laughing and nearly fell over, gasping and bending over with his arms wrapped around his stomach. Casey just furrowed his brow in confusion, mouthing the words over. Then he straightened up, looked at the laughing turtle and began to giggle himself.
“I don't think that was as a good as the others.” he said, still chuckling.
“Oh, come on! That was a great one!” Leo said, taking the jar from Casey and leaving to return it to the kitchen.
-
“Hey, Leo?” Casey asked from his seat in the back of the tank.
The slidder smiled at the use of the nickname, instead of “sensei,” or “master.” It was nice that the kid was starting to relax around him.
“What up, Jr?” He responded and looked back. The kid was shifting back and forth anxiously. He then shyly looked up and cleared his throat.
“What do you call a dog that can do magic?”
The rest of the tank froze and stared in shock at the time traveler. Was he about to...
“I don’t know,” Leo said casually, not really taking in the question.
“A Labra-cadavrador.”
Leo’s head finally caught up to the conversation and his eyes went wide.
“Did he just...?” Mikey asked.
“No,” Donnie said. “He couldn’t have.”
Before the shocked discussion could go any further, Leo launched himself out of seat and tackled the human boy with a hug, laughing and squishing the boy tight.
“That was so good, kid!” He cried joy overwhelming him at the thought that Casey could relax enough for him to joke like that. The kid trusted him, the kid was joking! Leo had never been prouder.
“You deserve around of a-paws for that one.” The slidder said, still hugging the kid tight. A round of groans echoed in the car. “Don’t listen to them, Casey. That joke was paw-some!”
“Stop it! No more!”
“Sorry, Mikey,” Casey said, rubbing the back of his head from his spot in Leo’s arms. “Can you, uh, fur-give me?”
“Donnie, open the window. I’m jumping out.”
“Wait, no! I really am sorry! I’ll stop!”
“Would you care if I joined you, Angelo?”
“WAIT! NO, SIRS-”
Prev - Next - Masterpost Ao3 Link: Here
Please check out @zee-rambles who came up with this challenge, and look at @rise-april-art-challenge to see more submissions by other fans. Please give me feedback if there is anything I should work on.
Best things I heard people say today at the highschool for the fireworks!
Girl: Hi I've known your son since 6th grade.
Dad: I'm so sorry.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Brother: Well what'd she say?
Sister: You lying son of a gun?
OK so my dad likes tell jokes right
But not the traditional terrible, we've heard them 1000 times....
No, he tells the BEST fucking dirty jokes imaginable
So I was just mind my business, eating pizza rolls, when my dad comes in the room and......
Dad: I've got a joke for you
Me: ooo what is it?
Dad: what do Lord of the rings and brokeback mountain have in common?
Me: *taking a big bite of mah food* what?
Dad: *trying to contain his laugh* two rings get destroyed
Me: *chokes on food*
Both: *dying of laughter, legit could not breathe*
Mum: *sighing* oh god not again.....
fives: *excited* hardcase, jesse & I have a joke for you
hardcase: i’m ready
fives: the council finally found out who’s been committing crimes, but it was a tough case to crack
jesse: *face palms*
hardcase: i don’t get it
jesse: HARDcase to crack, fives, we went over this A HUNDRED TIMES
crosshair: i need a hand with-
echo: *trying not to laugh*
crosshair: if you say what i think-
echo: you can borrow mine
crosshair: …
echo: …
crosshair: *sighs* i hate you
Never run with Bagpipes.
You might get kilt.
“Shorts”
Ethan suffers with their minds ☠️
Also, introduction to more characters! From left to right, Hiélo Garoh, Behati Nearu, and Yuno Nearu. In a real-life situation, they wouldn't stay in the same place friendly. Behati would try to kill Hiélo ❤️
If the letters are too small, just click on the image and zoom it!
And in case you didn't get it, Hiélo understood short = height, Behati understood short = shot (arrow) and Yuno understood short = shot (drink). Yuno thinks shot means beer because he read it in an HQ and interpreted it wrong.
I desire freedom from the dad jokes
Well better get started...
Volleyball girls are the best
we just… hit different