I Probably Need Help - Blog Posts

If you put an object down in a public place and leave it alone. if it moves on its own when you're not there and you come back to see it's shifted you'll probably think that someone moved it and be completely unaware that you have an object capable of moving on its own whenever it wants.

It could murder you and everyone would think it's the murder weapon and not the murderer.

You could get murdered by a sentient egg timer.

Did that shadowy fucker STEAL MY BRAIN!?

We're all hollow.

Ok so I saw this uncrustables add on Pinterest and I have to wonder...

Does that mean if you cut them up do they just clone? Like could you build a peanut butter and jelly crumb army out of tortured sandwiches?

How far does it go?

Who's the original? The crust? The uncrust? Does the original die and those two are the result?

Do they not feel pain?

Do they not feel the missing part of them like a phantom limb.

Do they miss what they once were do they feel horror at what they are? What they've become?

Which one feels that they have been given a merciful end? The uncrust which has been deemed useful condemned a tortured end as they are consumed by their creators but the pain of what they are missing will never truly hit them or the crust which has been discarded and deemed as worthless by their creators but able to live to an old age knowing that a part of them that they can never get back is missing and dead.

So I recently started listening to the Magnus Archives and I got to the garbage man episode.

I was listening to it with my ear buds on and my friend was sitting next to me and as I got to the part with the teeth bag I paused it and asked my friend what they thought was in the bag after I provided some context and the description. They said ash, I said teeth I then unpaused it and I was right! So I very loudly exclaimed I was right! In a very enthusiastic manner and now I'm not sure which was weirder; me being right or me being happy that I was right.

If you eat a vampire is it cannibalism?

They are basically undead humans with super powers.

Is the inverse the same?

Carbon is in all living things as far as I'm aware. When you burn something organic its carbon gets released into the atmosphere. Gasoline is made up of dead dinosaurs. We burn it to fuel our motorized vehicles.

We're breathing in dead people.

Can I collect my tears and put them in an IV bag.

Cuz it is saline.

If you light someone on fire is it arson or manslaughter?

Can eyes scar? Like... If you scratch your eye and it heals up does it scar? Do your eyes get scarred up after surgery? If they do does the scarring work the same as scarring on your skin?

I see you.

You see me.

We all lost our sanity.

With a snap, crack, bloody splat.

Give the dog the bones.

The eldritch horror won't leave me alone.

Imagine having a face.

Couldn't be me.

Carrots on pizza.

I've given multiple people existential crisis in a very short amount of time, multiple times. Should I be concerned with my mental state? Probably. Am I going to actually get worried about it? No.

We're just a bunch of atom's that can think.

Why aren't pagans more afraid of Starbucks baristas?

One One One One-One won one one.

Is a grammatically correct sentence. Because a singular person named (first) One (middle) One (and two last names {yes you can have two and you usually do if you're Mexican EX: Juan Angelo Rivera-Sanchez}) One-One Won a singular one

How does stone paper work in rock paper scissors?

Cuz like... Scissors cut paper but rock destroys scissors and stone paper is both rock and paper.

Following that same line of thought does that make stone paper a stick or a rock.

Do you think if someone stayed submerged in the Lazarus pit long enough they could turn into a baby?

I will steal your socks and souls.

Does paper classify as a stick?

If you stab a cereal box are you a serial killer?

Gotham city is just the reverse Disneyland. Instead of all of your dreams coming true it's all of your nightmares coming true.

You know how in the Russian accent they replace w with v.

Example: instead of water it pronounced vater

So does that mean that vodka's pronounced wodka?