Saeyoung Choi - Blog Posts

I realized something

I have already finish Seven's good ending and the two secret after endings, so I know Seven's and Saeran's past. Now I'm playing again to colect the bad endings and there's something that's making me realy sad. By the moment I've had two calls by Seven where he explains dreams he's had. The first was about two brother kittens whose mother didn't give them food so they escaped their home in search of adventures. The second one was about Seven being a superhero and barging into a building with a green roof where the bad people stayed, and then saving the world. But also finding his other half in the building. When you ask him more about his other half he just says is someone whon he only has one photograf. When you don't know how the story ends you just think that these are just weird calls because you are talking to Seven, but the reality is that Seven is so traumatized about being separated from Saeran that he dreams about him. And that's also the only way he can talk the issue with other people. When I knew Seven story it made me really sad because it is so fucking tragic, but seeing how traumatized he is throughout the game is killing me.

saeyoung, pouring redbull into a pot of black coffee: the deadline is tomorrow so I'm gonna die one way or another

I ADORE the "random/through the day" types of pictures. It just adds that feeling of going back through memories and reminiscing about some of the more everyday stuff that still fills your heart.

<life with saeyoung>

Ahh, I know, it’s been so long! I was working on my graduation project and it’s finally done! I graduated! 

Love is a Fragile Dance- Song Fic

Authors notes: Okay! I’ve never written a song fic before but I figured it would be fun! But please be cautious because this has some possibly triggering topics (De//th, car crash, dr//nking)

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He's three drinks down and he's driving fast He's calling her up, but she took a cab

Saeyoung was furious. He was never one for drinking, but he couldn't handle another day like this. To make matters worse he couldn't believe she'd just leave him like that. He knew she knew how hard this time was for him, it'd been so long since he'd seen his brother, and today would be another painful anniversary of that day.

Back to their one room apartment Back to where it all started

The only place she knew in this town was the apartment from not-so long ago. Rika's apartment. He sped up, hoping to catch her before she did something she'd regret. He knew she had nowhere else to go but that God-forsaken apartment. He should've destroyed it the minute she left to live with him, he thought.

Walking up to the doorway Walking in just to realize She was long gone 'fore he got there Broken glass in the bathroom

His heart raced, and he avoided the glass shards that littered the floor. Whether she'd acted in outrage or the hacker got his hands on her, he didn't know, but he wouldn't let that mystery go unsolved for long. He couldn't let her go. Couldn't let her get hurt because of him. Not anymore.

Love is such a fragile dance This love is such a fragile dance

Sometimes he wondered if it was even worth it to keep her in his life. He felt like she only stayed with him because of his threat about the bomb. This argument proved it, he figured. If she would run off any chance they argue, maybe she never wanted to be here in the first place. But he was too selfish to let her go.

She's wondering if she was right to Leave before they got that Chance to talk it all over In a text message he wrote her

The arguments were too much. She would be lying if she said she wasn't scared. The hacker was after them, Saeyoung just got more and more closed off and angry with her. She needed to escape from all of the stress. But was it the right thing to do? Should she have just stayed and let him get everything off his chest? He was stressed, he was scared. But he only hurt her, pushing her away; the more he insisted any closeness would do it first. Even his texts were passive aggressive.

"Love is such a fragile dance Our love is such a fragile dance"

Constant reminders. They weren't supposed to fall in love, yet even after confessing, they still walked a thin wire trying to "make it work". They pretended well.

And no one knew that they were on the edge Cause life is short and love is sweet, so love until you're dead

The RFA members had no clue. Flirts in the chatroom, but never aloud; and loving words that never surfaced in reality. They thought everything was fine.

And no one knew that they were on the edge Cause life is short and love is sweet, so love until you're dead

The façade was cracking but lies came easy to him. Acting became her everyday skill. Nobody could know. But truth be told, she knew they were running out of time to make it work. She knew it could all be gone in an instant.

He's three drinks down and he's driving fast She's calling him back now he's reaching

Finally, they could talk. Finally they could work this out. Maybe they could save their relationship. Maybe they can make this work, and take it all back.

Car tires are screeching Car horns are screaming

He wanted to try, for her. He said he'd die for her.

He's wondering if he was right to Pick a fight just to argue

He just wanted to prove that she didn't really love him. He never wanted any of this to happen.

But he can't take it back now The last message he sent out Life is such a fragile dance This life was such a fragile dance

Tears spilled onto her screen. Her call unanswered, his texts, the last words.  He seemed to know. And yet, he couldn't stop it. She could never take back what she'd said. But did he know what was important? Did he know she never hated him?

Love is such a fragile dance Their love was such a fragile dance And no one knew that they were on the edge

Now he'd never know. She could never tell him. It was all her fault, and she couldn't tell him. She would live with this burden, this secret. They could never know they were struggling. They could never know she was the reason his beloved car became nothing more than rubble, and he- a memory.

Cause life is short and love is sweet so love until you're dead And no one knew that they were on the edge Cause life is short and love is sweet so love until you're dead

They never could vow "Till death do us part". They never would've meant this soon.

She's three drinks down and she's crying

Three down. Just like him. He knew better, and still he went driving. Why? Why hadn't she stopped him?

No fight is worth fighting

She was angry. Of course she wouldn't stop him.

No fight is worth dying

But she should've.

But all love is worth fighting for

He was going to see her. He was trying to explain, to change. He wanted to keep her safe, yet she still ran. She killed him. If she hadn't left him there...

And no one knew that they were on the edge Cause life is short and love is sweet so love until you're dead And no one knew that they were on the edge Cause life is short and love is sweet so love until you're dead So love until you're dead So love until you're dead

i decided to draw a stained glass piece representing the twins for their birthday :’) hbd to them both

some notes on the ideas behind it are in the tags

Omg everyone who suggested knew what they were doing. Your art never ceases to amaze me 💝

saeyoung in white cherry, please?????? he'd SLAY

Omw to the club actin like a slut 💅

Some might say it's foreshadowing, I say it's the fact that he needs validation and needs to feel seen so he drops so many 'hints' about his life.

Saeyoung:

I’m so mysterious nobody knows anything about me

Also saeyoung:

literally has a username titled “Hacker God”

It is a known fact by the entirety of the RFA that he hacks shit for a living when he could easily pretend he has a regular (((legal))) IT job but noooo

Claims everything to do w his job is a secret but will constantly drop hints about how dangerous it is and will even go into story tangents about his various adventures whenever he feels like it

Talks about a hacker group that constantly chases him, making it very clear that he does ILLEGAL SHIT

Hell even invites them to the party

Openly only uses cash

Speaking of cash, makes a shitton of it somehow

Again, he openly admits he’s a hacker!!! Hackers don’t do that!!! They say they’re a techie for some random firm, or something else entirely!!!! They’re not this open!!! If saeyoung were really so secretive, only V would know mfs a hacker and everyone else would think he works at some start up or something

Makes it very clear hes not in a normal work environment? Pls it screams “illegal secret agency” omg

Admitted to running away from home and having a brother the moment someone asked him

Will tell you his thinly veiled allegorical dreams about his origin story whenever he feels like it (mother cat and brother cat dream, the pirate ship and planet one, etc.)

“Why didn’t you feed us, mother cat? Oh well, if it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t have gone on so many adventures” pls

After playing all the routes leading up to his, the only surprise in his backstory would probably be the prime minister thing and his name tbh

TW Saeyoung walking in on you c//ting

~Post type: Short story~

Author’s Note: Please be safe, this story includes mentions of Self Harm, blood and possible depression.

Please do not read if any of those topics are upsetting or triggering <3

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You promised yourself you wouldn't do this anymore

You promised. But yet, you couldn't stop yourself. One moment you were brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed and the next you were reaching into the all too familiar tin in the back of the bathroom cabinet. You stopped yourself for a second; what would you say if anyone saw you right now? They'd probably ask you why. 

Why? You didn't know. It was just.. Something you did sometimes. You just needed the slicing pain to know you could still feel pain. Almost as if you needed to remember there wasn't just happiness in life. But no, that wasn't it. It was because you felt deep down that you didn't deserve the happiness. You took out one of the thin razor blades and placed it against your thigh, just high enough to be unnoticeable unless you were naked. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes and sliced. You hissed and went in again, slightly higher this time. Two was enough, you told yourself. You rinsed the blade and placed it back in the tin, tucking it away back in the cabinet. Just as you were grabbing a cloth to clean up the thin lines, now with beads of blood popping up and trailing down, you heard a knock at the door. "Honey, you've been in there for a while," You heard Saeyoung say through the bathroom door. "Are you getting dressed all nice just to sleep? Or did you have something else in mind?" He was teasing. "Oh, um no I-I'm okay. I'm just... Cleaning up." You stammered, trying to stop the bleeding, but the beads kept returning. "...I'm going to come in, is that okay?" He said, a serious tone in his voice. "Um, just-" You tried to say, holding the cloth under cold water, trying to wash off the blood and use the cold to stop the bleeding. You looked over at the door, noticing you forgot to lock it. Just as you were about to reach for the knob, the door slowly swung open. Guiltily, you pulled up your pajama bottoms and held the cloth behind your back. "Hi." You said, cheeks flushed and hands behind your back. You were sure you looked guilty, but you still tried to act normal. "Honey, what happened? Are you okay?" He said, cupping a warm hand against your cheek. "Um I..." You started. He kissed your forehead, and seemed to spot the cloth behind your back. "MC," He said, gently reaching for the cloth. He rarely ever called you by your name, only reserved for serious conversations. You didn't fight him, and handed it over. "What happened?" He was calm, but you could tell in his eyes that he was worried. "I... I'm sorry." Was all you could muster. You started tearing up. "I'm so sorry, Sae." "Hey. Come here." He wrapped you in a hug. You laid your head on his chest and could hear his heart drumming away in his chest while his shirt was getting more and more wet with your tears. He tossed the cloth in the sink and held you, both tightly and gently. "I'm sorry. I wasn't going to do it, but it was habit, and- And I just wasn't strong enough not to. I'm so sorry." You sobbed, grabbing the back of his shirt. He could figure it out from your ramblings what had happened. "It's okay honey, you're okay." He stroked your hair, and slightly rocked side to side, holding you close. "Do you need to be cleaned up?" "I don't know, that's what I was doing when you came in but..." You said, sniffling and trying to calm down. "Okay, hold on for a second," He bent down, and lifted you up, placing you gently on the small counter behind you. He placed a soft kiss on your lips, and tucked your hair behind your ear. "While I clean you up can we talk for a bit?" He talked quietly. "Yeah." You said, taking a deep breath. "Okay, where is it?" You wiggled your bottoms down, so he could see the- still bleeding- cuts. You turned away, ashamed at the wounds. "So," He started, grabbing the cloth and wringing it out so it was only damp. "What happened, My Love?" "I just felt a random urge and I figured I'd done it before without getting caught... I told myself just this once and then never again." You said, turning your head to look at him. He gently wiped the cuts and the blood around them. "Tell me if I'm hurting you, okay?" He said, rinsing the cloth and wiping your legs again. "Okay...” He nodded, urging you to continue.

“Anyways, I figured I needed to." You closed your eyes, not able to meet his. "You needed to? Why did you need to, baby?" "I needed to remind myself that there's more than just happiness in life." You felt ashamed to admit it, feeling your eyes filling again. "Can you look at me for a second?" He said, placing the cloth over both wounds and pressing it firmly. You opened your eyes, and tried to blink away your tears. "You're right. There are things other than happiness and love in life." He smiled, bitter-sweetly. "But that doesn't mean you have to feel all of it. I told you before and I'll say it again, I don't ever want to let you be in pain. Especially not because of me. When we first met, you told me that you wouldn't be in danger because of me. Do you remember that?" You nodded. "So, I don't want you to feel like the love that I give you needs to be evened out with pain, okay?" He kissed your cheek and wiped your tears. "Okay." He picked the cloth up off of your leg and grabbed bandages from the cabinet. You spotted the tin at the same time he did. You looked away in shame. You heard the rattling of the tin and the small bandage box. You looked back at him, his hands holding only the bandage box. He carefully unwrapped a few and gently placed hem on your leg. You noticed his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth, as he always does when he's focusing. After he placed the bandages, he lightly fluttered  kisses around your wounds. When he placed the box back in the cabinet you noticed the tin was gone, but you didn't see where he'd moved it to. He helped you pull your bottoms back up and wriggle off the counter. "Are you feeling better?" He said, lifting you in his arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. Nuzzling your head in the crook of his neck, you nodded. "Good." He carried you back to your shared room and placed you carefully on the bed. "I'll be right back, okay?" He said, kissing your forehead and stepping away from the bed. You almost asked him what he was going to do or begged him to stay next to you. But you were too tired to press, and you figured you knew what he was doing anyway from the way his pocket rattled. You could just wait for him with your eyes shut. After a few minutes, you stirred back awake to feel the bed dip. "Sorry to wake you up." He said softly. You just turned to face him and nuzzled in closer. "S'Okay." You hummed. "I love..Sae.." You said, drifting back to sleep. "I love you too, Honey."

seven is so 2010s fandom core (T___T) !!!

literally everything about him and his mannerisms and interests and the way he uses emoticons and Internet slang and AND !! hes not like other boys hes one of those dorky quirky 2010s tumblr/amino people . a huge nerd too

he knows about . troupes and shipping and literally everything HES LITERALLY THE FANDOM !! this is one of the reasons why hes so damn relatable !! and i also love how there is a lot of fanart of him embodying 2010s nostalgia whimsy ! i have seen one art of fem saeyoung with coontail striped hair strand it was so cute !!(☆_☆)

i headcannon this fucker probably knows about animation memes too . and all of fnaf lore . and analogue horror . and owns the gravity falls books including the book of bill . he was also a cartoon network kid and still is

also yeah half of this is maybe me projecting but honestly does it matter anymore . seven is so similar to me sometimes its uncanny

i have a few asks that i'm working on, but i got this idea and it would not leave my head T_T saeran deserves the absolute world <3

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saeran was cold. the room wasn't cold and the heater was on full blast, but as saeran laid there, an empty chasm, he was cold. healing was not a linear process. there are ups and downs, good days and bad days. and there are also really bad days, where all saeran can do is lay in bed and overthink. where all of the voices of all of his persons feel like claws gripping his throat, where the possibility of someday becoming betters seems more and more distant. its these days where he is saeranrayunknown, where he doesn't know which personality is truly him. saeran is no stranger to these types of days-- the first month of him coming off of the elixir was the most excruciating, both physically and mentally. he wasn't kind to anyone around him, and he certainly wasn't kind to himself. however, with the support of his lover and his brother-- and also the therapist that jumin recommended-- saeran began his healing process. still. the bad days don't go away, and saeran had never been more aware of that as he laid in bed, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling.

there was no hunger. no thirst. no discomfort. only blank, empty, dark nothingness. it was that state that she found him in. saeran felt the room become warmer, felt the light she emitted. his eyes immediately found hers-- they always did, no matter what. understanding dawned on her as she saw saeran's state, and she slowly- like she was approaching a wild animal -made her way to him. "bad day?" she quietly asked, carding her fingers through his hair with such gentleness that it brought tears to his eyes. all saeran could do was give an imperceptible nod. "...one moment." her voice was nothing but kind as she got up and left the room again. he could hear her quiet, gentle voice and then after a beat, the warm, low voice of his brother. a few minutes passed. or maybe it was hours. weeks. months. saeran didn't know- all he knew was the emptiness he felt, the chill that ran bone-deep.

eventually, she stepped back in and took his hand. "come." she said, giving his hand a light tug. it took every ounce of saeran's strength to force himself into an upright position, and he had to lean on her to walk. (lean on her like he has every time he stumbled in the past. she remained as she always did, an unwavering pillar of strength.) they walked through the hallway, passing by the kitchen where saeyoung was doing-- something. saeran couldn't tell, couldn't lift his eyes from the ground. she led him into the bathroom, where the faint scent of lavender hung and flower petals floated in the full bathtub. "let's get you out of this, hm?" she said as she started to undress him. shame colored his face, but saeran couldn't find the strength to do it himself. couldn't find the strength to do anything more than stand there and let her take care of him, like she always has. (at her core, that is who she is. the caretaker, the pillar of strength, the shoulder to cry on. saeran thinks she is the strongest person he knows, to be able to carry him and others when they could no longer carry themselves. how many nights had saeyoung cried to her? yoosung? zen? jaehee? jumin, even? and yet, she never wavered. was always there with open arms and a kind smile and kinder words. she is nothing short of an angel.) and though saeran knew she was doing all of this because she truly loved him, he couldn't help but let the negative thoughts swirl around. how long until she grew tired of him? of his bad days? of taking care of him? how long until she saw him for what he truly was-- weak, frail, nothing?

she helped him into the bath before kneeling on the floor, reaching for the shampoo. "not that this will fix everything," she began as she lathered his hair, "but this always makes me feel a little better. our burdens are easier when we let other people help us carry them, no? and i'm here to help you carry yours, my love. it's okay if you don't feel up to speaking, just let me take care of you." the gentle way she washed his hair, the kindness in her voice, her unwavering love, all of it made saeran burst into tears. he had never been loved quite like this before, never had someone to hold him when he was feeling low and piece him back together when he fell apart. because that's what she did- when saeran broke into pieces, she took those pieces and put him back together, her love shining through his cracks. she is written deep in his bones, all over his heart. like he existed only to love her.

she let him cry, never stopping her soothing movements. for a while, all that there was was his soft cries and her low, comforting humming. after his hair, she moved on to lightly wash his body, nothing but care in her movements. saeran could not remember the last time he felt so fragile, or the last time he felt so loved.

it went on like that. after she washed him, she helped him out of the bath and into a warm towel. she got him his softest clothes, brushed through his hair with the gentlest motions, held him with the lightest touch. saeran clung to her once he was dressed, his arms immediately going around her waist. "i don't deserve you." his voice was muffled by her shirt, and he felt her shake her head. "nonsense." she replied. "you deserve everything." and she said that so matter-of-factly, like there wasn't any room for argument. "won't you tire of this? of taking care of me?" "never ever. i will always be here to pick you up and to hold you together."

it was easier to stand on his own two feet now; his body and his mind were both still heavy, but he could finally muster up the strength to carry himself. still, though, she held his hand and guided him out the door and to the living area. "saeyoung and i have your favorite movie on, and snacks have been prepared." ice cream and popcorn weren't exactly the healthiest of options, but saeran didn't care. his brother, who was always so loud and boisterous, who unapologetically took up space, was sat quiet and calm on the couch. he looked visibly worried over saeran, but she must've given him a look for he quickly covered it up. as saeran sat on the sofa, his lover on one side and his brother on the other, he could feel the coldness in him slowly melt away, replaced by the warmth of the two beside him. there would always be bad days, always be days where saeran doesn't have the strength to exist, but they were just a little easier with her and with saeyoung.

I'm the queen of can't read social cues (thanks, autism), but during Seven's route, especially the first time, I sensed he needed space. I was worried about him, and hurt by his actions, but I knew I couldn't just force him to acknowledge me, and that this wasn't truly him- I don't know how, but something told me he was scared and needed time to decompress, similar to how I do. In his case, he needed space to decompress not from people, but from the sudden knowledge of what really happened to Saeran and that the few people he let himself trust had in fact lied to him. They encouraged him, a literal child, to essentially leave his only brother in their hands so he could stain his own soul black with the agency. Why not just threaten to call the cops on his mother and take both twins into their care, and deal with Saejoong once the boys were out of that house?

He just received a gut punch that he failed his brother, and was basically in survival mode. When he finally lets you back in, it's after he's had a chance to process some of his trauma.

100%. All of this.

Now, I will also note that Saeyoung is extremely autism-coded. Deep Story truly is "pick your flavor of autism." So I think some neurodivergent folks will have a better understanding of what's going on with his behavior, because they may relate to processing & experiencing their emotions in a similar way or other nontraditional way that makes them go "Ah. That's what's happening here."

Obviously, neurodiversity is broad and covers many types of conditions, but those who are on the ASD spectrum or ADHD in particular will probably have an easier time dissecting these tough and seemingly contradictory days of Seven's route.

Hi Kait! So about Saeyoung being parentified, can you share more about that?

Saeyoung Choi was parentified at a young age by his mother and this action left a deep impact on him that plagues him to this day. It does not matter what Route you're playing, Saeyoung reacts to his brother in the way a parent should. His dynamic with Saeran is founded by a bond of brothership, it's more like Saeyoung is the parent and Saeran is a child. It's that way by design, and you can thank Mother Choi for starting this unfortunate cycle.

So, to start off, I should explain what it means to be parentified, huh? Parentification is a form of physical and psychological abuse where a child is forced to take on the role of a parent for their fellow siblings in the house, or even their parents.

There are many kinds of this type of abuse, but two key types are notable in Saeyoung's arc.

Emotional Parentification is when you, the child, take on the role of a confidante or mediator. The child feels responsible for the emotional state of the people around them.

You're handed adult emotions and subject matter well before your pain can process what you're going through, and your mind reacts to this by trying to mend the distress. This can look like comforting your parent after they reveal something deeply distressing, like the details of a divorce, or financial issues to you. This can also look like trying to take care of younger family members when they're upset, leading the older child in this situation to comfort and control the situation in the way the adult should.

Instrumental Parentification is the act of giving a child tasks that are too large for them. That looks like a parent telling you to do grocery shopping, pay bills, cook meals for the family, or take care of a sick sibling, for example.

This is the act of giving a child responsibility in the household that they are not ready for. The adults in the situation expect the child to be capable of understanding adult concepts without failure, and the weight of that stress is more than a child's brain can comprehend. It shouldn't be on a child's shoulders to find food for the family or pay the bills, but that's what happens in this type of abuse.

So, now that I've given a definition of this abuse, let's go ahead and talk about Saeyoung's parentification. I don't think a lot of people in this world want to talk about the effects of parentification because a lot of people have suffered this abuse and don't even know it.

Most people see it as a child "stepping up" in a time of need, but that's not something we should condone as a society.

Saeyoung's first foray into the grown-up world was handed to him when his Mother decided she didn't want to leave the house to get her alcohol. She told him to go and fetch her for her, among other a number of other tasks, like grocery shopping and picking up some medication if needed. He has no choice but to obey her whims if he wants to eat and take care of Saeran, too.

This is how Mother Choi talks about him when he's not there. He was useful because she got double the money for the twins, and because he was strong enough to leave the house, run to escape the threat of anyone looking to kill him, and get the alcohol and food she wanted for herself.

Saeyoung knew everything was going to go to his mother first before he or Saeran got to eat or drink.

Because I don't know if you guys are aware of this or not, but Ray reveals to the player in V's Route that their mother used to only give them white bread and rice to eat. The boys were given scraps and if they got lucky... something hardier because Saeyoung managed to smuggle it.

To the point where he has a strong aversion to the taste of bread now. He doesn't want to eat it. It reminds him of being trapped in that house. He'd eat it if he had to, in the same way, Saeyoung and Saeran can eat anything because if you're hungry enough, trust me, you'll try to do anything to not starve.

I know a lot of people haven't played Rika's Behind DLC, but years into running errands and taking care of tasks for his mother, Rika sees mistrust and fear on his face. She doesn't get it at first, but considering the fact that she also suffers from abuse, it starts to make sense to her the longer she interacts with him. She saw her trauma in Saeyoung... similar to how she starts to see her pain in Saeran, too.

Rika's intentions were compassionate at first as a person who saw her tortured self in these boys.

Do you know what it would feel like for a child like Saeyoung to spend years running errands for his family on a minimal budget that mostly gets spent on alcohol, not only fearing that the money he had wasn't going to be enough but knowing his biological father was around the corner waiting to kill him?

Saeyoung lived in fear every day of his life but he wasn't allowed to be afraid. He had to be a big boy for Saeran and survive the scary places he was sent to otherwise his brother would be alone. Saeyoung knew he had to survive so Saeran wouldn't be alone. That place was bad as it was when it was the two of them, but if they were alone...?

If it was just Saeran alone or Saeyoung alone?

Well, we know how Saeran later describes it in the secret ending. It took V and Rika a few weeks to get everything together for Saeran, but in that time, Mother Choi spent hours denying Saeran food and water because she couldn't find Saeyoung. Saeyoung was right to be afraid of those things, but the problem is that he shouldn't have had to have lived that way.

He was a child just like Saeran.

Saeyoung would never acknowledge that fact, though. But, he was a child forced into the role of an adult. There hasn't been a moment in his life where he wasn't playing the grown-up... unless we counted a couple of years where he couldn't walk or talk.

There's a reason why he wouldn't admit he suffered this, though. He doesn't want to ever admit he was hurt because he thinks Saeran's trauma is valid in comparison to his. Sure, he got hurt, but he's the "responsible twin". He is the "grown-up". He is the "big brother". I'm sure Saeyoung's MCs are aware of that because that's why he's so damn resistant to being vulnerable with you!

It's because of this trauma!

I'm not going to dump every example into this post, but I will point out these screenshots in particular to make my point. This is how a child who is aware of financial instability acts.

The next thing Saeyoung became aware of was how important money was. He spent all his time trying to run these errands for Mother Choi, and even if he didn't know how to count on his fingers and toes, he had to learn fast.

If he's only given so much money, he has to debate what to pay for and what he can and can't get. "Mother told me to get the "x kind of alcohol and that costs y, but we need more of this food for us to be able to eat, but the food costs z. What do I do?" He learns faster than anyone that if he wants to get out of that house, they need to get a lot of money, fast. They can't touch whatever Saejoong sends them.

She'd notice Saeyoung taking that money. Mother Choi might not be all there in her later years as alcoholism rots her brain, but if there is one thing she knows, it's that her brand costs XYZ and she better be able to afford that since Saejoong sends the "ZYX" amount.

Money is a serious problem for many families. I can tell you from firsthand experience that being exposed to the money insecurity around me at a young age made me paranoid about the concept of money. Why do you guys think Saeyoung buys those cars? He has those cars because they're easy to get rid of for quick cash if you're desperate. He loves being a mechanic, but it's not just about those cars.

It's about the money.

Every dime he makes from the agency isn't something he considers to be safe. That's why he keeps extra items in his bunker to get rid of if he needs to make quick cash. The game itself doesn't go into detail about how many different bank accounts Saeyoung has or where he stores his money, but it's worth noting that Saeyoung has as much in his pocket as Jumin does, if not more. He just doesn't spend it due to the fear he has.

What if Saeran needs that money?

It's not "What if I need that money?"

It's "What if Rika or V asks me for money to help him and I can make that happen?" and it's "What if the agency explodes someday and I'm free to live with Saeran? I want Saeran to have everything... all of it. I need to be able to have a limitless amount of money so he's never without."

So, he's determined to find another way to make money to help his brother escape. Have you guys ever noticed Saeyoung's language in the game when he talks about escaping? It's never about him. There isn't a moment where he considers his wants or needs. That's due to the fact that he's been trying to care for Saeran first and foremost. It is his job, not only because his mother told him to do it, but because he feels like it's his destiny to protect Saeran as the big brother.

That brings me to what Saeyoung understood as his job from the minute he could understand abstract thought and walk.

The fact that Saeyoung believes it's his job to take care of Saeran's emotional regulation. Every choice he's ever made in his life was to protect Saeran from becoming aware of how much danger existed around them. Every time Saeran cried, Saeyoung took it personally, and he jumped into action to help Saeran calm down.

He spent those days trying to distract Saeran, tell him stories, or he would create games to keep his mind off the ropes on his ankles and the storm in the other room. Of course, Saeyoung was a child just as his brother was, and he wasn't the best at "being the parent".

There were moments when Saeyoung couldn't help himself, and he would cry or scream at Saeran without meaning to. Saeyoung would feel a great deal of shame after it and mask his emotions even deeper to survive as Saeran's caretaker. In fact, I had a bitter chuckle when I glanced through the Secret Ending to grab examples of this fact and a nurse outright called Saeyoung "Saeran's caretaker".

I can clip hundreds of examples where Saeyoung focuses on Saeran's emotional state before his own. This is an example I explained. Where Saeran mentions a time when he tried to argue with Saeyoung about how he felt and Saeyoung screamed at him. Saeyoung wants to make a better world for Saeran so Saeran can be a child... and he just can't accept that Saeran is aware of how dire things are.

He's been trying for years to keep Saeran in a state of naivety for his protection. Saeran was never naive, though. He knew better, but he saw how hard Saeyoung was trying... he didn't want to get yelled at for telling Saeyoung what he really felt.

Saeran wanted to be just like Saeyoung because Saeyoung was the "strong one". He saw his twin brother being "grown-up". Why wouldn't Saeran start to view Saeyoung as more of a parent? You don't have to call someone your parent to view them as a parent, and that is very much the case for the younger siblings who count on their siblings for that bond.

Saeyoung has a horrible habit of saying: "If I am strong, then you are strong. You're me and I'm you." It was the only thing he could think of to help Saeran when they were kids. It's poetic and thoughtful, but it isn't helpful for Saeran's emotional regulation. It placed the weight of his strength on Saeyoung and Saeyoung alone. Saeran didn't want to do that, but Saeyoung kept doing that over and over again.

Saeyoung was a child who tried his best with what he was given, but again, he was a child who had to throw glue at the wall until he made himself believe something stuck. A major problem with Saeyoung at his core is that he can't see Saeran as anything but a helpless child... he infantilizes Saeran quite often. The last time he saw Saeran, that situation was different.

He was playing the role of Saeran's parent and Saeran depended on him for everything. He has a very hard time stepping outside of that role. Saeyoung plays the role of a caretaker as best he can, but that's a problem. Saeran isn't a child and neither is Saeyoung anymore. He's got to do what's right for Saeran, but Saeyoung continues to think he knows best no matter what because he's Saeran's caretaker.

He can't shut that mentality off. It's going to take a lot of therapy for Saeyoung to confront this fact, but in the Secret Ending, there isn't any moment of time he can spare for that. He's still busy living in the worst nightmare of his life. He won't let himself focus on recovering from the gunshot wound, nor will he work on physical therapy when he needs to. He neglects his needs because he's afraid for Saeran at every turn.

In some regard, we, the players, understand why that is. We know the truth that others don't. If Saejoong finds out about them, they will be killed for it. There is only so much Jumin can do to protect them, and he's already doing more than any average person would.

Saeyoung is aware that the hospital wants to sedate Saeran for the violence he's displayed to doctors and nurses. But, he knows that his brother doesn't want to be drugged again. He is in a crisis of morality for days. What's the right thing to do? He knows Saeran needs to be in the hospital but he can't let that continue.

He feels that he knows better for his brother at the moment.

He knows Saeran will stay in a hospital room to get the help he needs.

But, how long before someone finds out? Even Jumin points out that the risk of his father finding out about Saeran is high. Saeyoung has to make a painful choice. Remove Saeran from the hospital knowing that it's not good for Saeran's mental health or keep him trapped in a psych ward knowing it might get him killed. He did what he thought was right.

It's a difficult question.

But, Saeyoung didn't think twice. He knew he had to make a hard decision to save Saeran's life. He didn't discuss anything with anyone else. He just acted. He acted with the knowledge that he is the only one who understands what Saeran needs. He is the only one who is capable of protecting Saeran. He can't trust anyone else ever again.

He will be the adult, the grown-up, the parent, and the big brother. I have to point at this exchange as a good example of Saeyoung being the one who feels like he has to regulate Saeran's emotions. Look at how he speaks to Saeran, begs with him, pleads with him, and tries to play the parent who doesn't know how bad it was but wants to do something to make it right.

"I was awed there was something in this world I had to protect. I'm blessed to have someone that I need to protect. Thank you, Saeran... for being there so that I can protect you. You existing beside me gives me one more reason to live."

That is the language of a man who has no life purpose but to be a parent to his twin brother his entire life. He says outright that his job was to make sure that Saeran could stay alive no matter what. He is the last person who should be trying to break through to Saeran in this situation about what it means to want to live or die, but he feels that there is no other choice.

What is Saeyoung's purpose if not to be Saeran's parental figure? His caretaker? Even as he starts to heal and learn how to live with his MC in a world that he wants to live in forever... he is going to be grappling with that question.

This doesn't change at the End of Secret Ending when Saeran and Saeyoung have their "breakthrough."

Saeran still looks to Saeyoung for an answer and Saeyoung wants to give one. In fact, the reason why Saeran decides that it's not worth it to kill himself isn't just due to the fact that he realized that Saeyoung would do anything for his happiness, even die.

It's also because he realized that Saeyoung will not let him die. He doesn't want Saeran to die and he won't Saeran do it. That doesn't stop Saeran's suicidal thoughts. He simply becomes apathetic after this. He knows he can't die no matter what he does, what's the point in trying again? He doesn't have a sudden revelation. He just learns that Saeyoung won't quit trying to save his life.

Saeyoung: "Let's go back to how we were. We've survived so much. Our happiness now can shine brighter because of that."

Saeran: "I hated that about you. I hated how you were positive about the future, and yet, I admired it at the same time too. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt this time if only because that's the only choice I have right now."

Saeyoung, my dearest, you can't go back. This sets up how I view the way Saeyoung will treat Saeran going forward until he gets into some therapy and acknowledges what he went through. This doesn't make Saeyoung a bad person, but it does show the player how Saeyoung's unable to stop seeing himself as a child who had to be a grown-up to survive. He needs to accept that Saeran is a grown-up and that he's a grown-up, too.

Saeran should be allowed to do what he wants, and outside of doing the right thing by removing sharp objects and more things like that outside of that bunker, as well as offering emotional support when it is asked for, Saeyoung should learn who his brother is today instead of thinking of him as the baby who clung to him when they were both stuck in that nightmare home.

Just as Saeran should give Saeyoung a chance to show who he is as an adult, too, when he's ready. He doesn't need to see Saeyoung as a savior or a caretaker, and he doesn't want to, but they need time, the both of them, to get out of that place. I think with time, therapy, and the help of MC will do wonders for this.

I know I didn't get into where this would play out in Another Story, but it's the same sentiment. But, in that situation, Saeyoung has no choice but to be forced into seeing Saeran's autonomy as an adult. It's far different than what we're shown in Saeyoung's Route. I know the game doesn't cover this either, but I have to add something else to this.

You know V's murder is something that Saeyoung is going to take the blame for. Saeran is never going to be blamed in Saeyoung's eyes and I don't see that changing even as they get better. He will say it's a sin he committed since he was the one who put Saeran in that position, to begin with.

It's painful to think about but it's the truth.

Saeyoung will gloss over Saeran's actions because he is his brother. That's going to cause issues later on as Saeran takes ownership of his actions. He won't be able to talk about those things with his brother... because Saeyoung will excuse him. "It's my fault. Blame me. I failed you as a big brother. Your actions were mine. They weren't yours. I'm the filthy sinner. I am Luciel. I am Lucifer. I take your sins and cleanse you of them."

Saeyoung became a monster and he feels like Saeran shouldn't be called one when he already took the burden as Saeran's other half. That's a part of what he can't admit to himself. That he feels like a parent who must take care of everything that happened to Saeran as if it were his sin instead.

I feel like this is a part of Saeyoung Choi that a lot of people can relate to, but it's the pain of knowing that he hasn't realized how deep this trauma runs in him.

That Anon made me go back and glance at Saeyoung’s After Ending since I don’t really go there that much. Most of the time, i just head into the Secret Ending to replay that content, but I had to do a double-take because I forgot about this detail. Apparently, his dream Toy Shop is unbelievable to look at… This isn’t located near his bunker, but it might as well be according to Jumin. What the hell does this Toy Shop look like, Saeyoung?

I don’t even think I could draw a model of this! Hey, Saeyoung MCs, do you have an idea what this man would create this building to look like?

Hellooooo, I made a NSFW drawing of this man, you can see it uncensored on Twitter (X)

Remember that I have my requests open :)

Reblogs and comments are appreciated

“I want a 707 constellation up in the sky!” - 707

This has definitely been done before, but I just got back into painting so here’s this!

I don’t know how to draw an ocean background. Hopefully it turns out well ; _;

A little seven for ya'll :0.

This took me way longer than expected...

i’m gonna pretend i’m not playing 707’s route for the 3563262º time

it’s 4am and i can’t sleep and also there’s seven just being himself

just fixing the kitty

i guess it’s better now???? (i hope so)

I think his story is quite sad and his brother's but I liked him more only after other tracks, I don't know but track 707 really pissed me off xD

What a quick art by Seven, I love it but I didn't feel like tinkering with it anymore (maybe I'll come back to it someday)

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!! BABIES TWO, I LOVE SEVEN IN THAT SUIT AT THE PARTY (art in 10 minutes)

okay but what if i grabbed them and forced them to take a nap they NEED IT

god they make me ill

happy new year ⁉️⁉️ yooseven bc i said so

they’re so stupid im going to put them in a blender

haha

another song inspired one with some choi twins bc i never draw them being happy???? they make me violently ill

my music taste is probably why i don’t have friends

i love him so much oh my gosh — he is such perfection 🥺💞. this is very well written, please read this if you’re a huge fan of 707 like myself !! <33

hereafter [saeyoung choi/707]

hello! so, here’s my first mystic messenger fanfiction! it’s been a year since i wrote an actual fanfiction, so i hope i’m not too rusty. also, i wanted to write for mysme back in october, but i lacked the time so hAHA here *throws fic at your feet* please accept this orz. ALSO, i might continue this as a series, if people like this one! it would basically be 707 actually using doing those actions and date ideas that he got from movies. we’ll see. if you have any requests, feel free to send them my way! i don’t own the characters; saeyoung was created by the cheritz team, and you own yourself ;) i hope you enjoy!

pairing: saeyoung choi x mc / 707 x mc

type: fluff (super high school level fluff)

point of view: second person / mc

summary: an early leave from work allows you to discover saeyoung’s rough plans for future romantic escapades. based on a headcanon of mine that saeyoung is actually a cheesy yet awkward romantic, so he is fond of googling romantic movies and romantic actions and makes notes of the techniques he likes. for the future, of course. ;)

word count: 2230

listen: Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You by Arctic Monkeys

Keep reading

finally got the chance to play mystic messenger instead of watching routes on youtube and now i'm stuck in the brainrot purgatory again-

anyways, i genuinely love this game and am very passionate about these two deeply complex men that it kills me inside to have to only pursue one of them at a time... so i made an entire au for my mc-insert so that they can all hold hands! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) that and i believe jumin and seven are totally hilarious when put together so katherine (mc-insert shown above) is basically the positive mediator between them.

anticipate more content in the future perhaps... because there is far more to the au that is just festering in my brain +_+ and i'd like to further expand on how these three function with each other, so stay tuned(?)