Curate, connect, and discover
Trans Nonbinary - Blog Posts
I came out as nonbinary to my best friend last week and it went great. Which I was expecting but that didn't stop me from crying, shaking and needing her to talk me down from an almost panic attack. I had never said anything out loud to anyone, so I was expecting some sort of a reaction.
When I told her, she smiled in the most reassuring way and I asked if she already knew. She said she didn't want to assume anything or pressure me to talk about it before I was ready, so she had been waiting for me to say something. But she had come across some pronoun pins a couple of weeks earlier and she wanted to buy some that said "they/them" for me but she didn't want to pressure me so she didn't buy them. I honestly love that she knew. And that she instinctively knew which pronouns I prefer. Anyway, it's been really nice to be able to talk about it. I've had weird gender feelings for about 10ish years now and only started thinking I might be nonbinary a couple years ago. Before I just did everything to not think about it. But yeah, I'm nonbinary;)
Help please 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Being trans nonbinary is so annoying because my brain is like "We have dysphoria, let's transition so we can pass!"
Pass as what?
It's so stupid hard to "pass" as androgynous to the general public. It's this obnoxiously thin line that feels completely out of reach to get to, at least not without giving up other forms of gender expression that feel euphoric to me. I wouldn't even mind not being fully androgynous, if nothing else I just want to make people stop and think for a second before they inevitably go ahead and misgender me anyways.
It sucks that the best I can hope for in terms of transition is confusion. I see trans binary folks talking about the euphoria they get from passing and being accepted in society as their true gender, having the ability to go stealth. And I desperately want that too. I wish people weren't so hellbent on sorting others into binaries at all costs, and I wish there was hrt that could make me androgynous without giving me other traits that I dont want (ex. facial hair, bottom growth, heavily masculine voice). I literally just want to be seen as who I actually am and it's crushing knowing Im probably never going to get to have that.
maybe there's something im not understanding here, and honestly at the end of the day i don't really care one way or the other this is a pretty exclusively online topic, but the whole "neo/xeno AGAB" thing is like... vaguely transphobic right?
and i am absolutely 100% NOT the person to try to tell others how they should identify or what labels they should be using, im literally a transmasc nonbinary mspec/queer lesbian transspecies werewolf who uses xeno pronouns for fucks sake, it doesn't really get anymore "queer as in wtf is going on" than that.
but from what i've seen and read about it, it kind of seems to be simultaneously reinventing and discrediting the definition of transgender. To directly quote the "AGAB Non-Conformity" infographic made by @/nonconformityhub,
"Those who reject their AGAB, are unassigned, or were forced to fit a binary sex at birth may wish to self-assign a different AGAB. It's based around the idea that we shouldn't be forced to stick with a falsely assigned gender."
like, am i not understanding something or is that literally just the definition of being transgender or gnc?? i think the thing that rubs me the wrong way about it is that it almost kinda implies that as a transgender individual you should or need to disclose the gender you were assigned at birth to others, which (unless it's for legal or health related reasons) you literally just don't. If you are a trans man, congratulations, you are a man. You don't have to be an "AFAB man", you're just a man. As far as anyone else needs to be concerned, you are male and have always been such. The whole point of being trans is to reject the gender you were assigned at birth because it's flat out not what you are.
Idk again I don't really care that much I don't think it's gonna single handedly set back trans liberation or anything of that sort, I just feel like we SHOULD be focusing on dismantling the system of assigning genders at birth to begin with and reasserting that sex ≠ gender, rather than simply modifying the system to appeal to certain individuals and disregarding preexisting communities trying to accomplish that goal, and would maybe just encourage everyone to look at this kind of stuff with some healthy skepticism
Just in case anyone still has any doubts that the "anti-therian packers" argument is at least partially based in transphobia, this is a real, dead serious statement one of my (ex) mutuals made about why minors potentially having access to species affirming gear is wrong.
Like.
I legit don't even know what to say. This is genuinely so upsetting and concerning to hear from someone with a platform in a community meant to be accepting towards all types of individuals.
Not only is this a super inaccurate and invalidating way to think about nonhuman/transspecies identities, but it's also blatantly anti-transgender rhetoric. Replace the word "transspecies" with "transgender", and you have lines straight out of a speech given by a conservative politician about why queer books need to be banned in schools. The fact that they knew what they were saying was similar enough to transphobia that it was going to catch my attention is even more concerning, because it shows that they are capable of recognizing the similarities in their mindset but are simply choosing to ignore it.
I was a transspecies child. I knew there was something innately canine about me years before I even began to question my gender or sexuality. And I wish I had had the language to describe what it was that I was experiencing, instead of thinking I was going crazy for not feeling human.
Mark my damn words, we are going to start seeing a LOT more of this kind of thinking in the next few years (probably even months) and it's only going to get more aggressive, so if I were you guys I'd start putting petty differences aside and start banding the fuck together to help each other and our transgender human friends and family out.
Using my it/its pronouns irl is basically just a marriage proposal tbh