Good God, How Terrible Of A Person Must I Be?

I can’t let him see how ugly I get

well of course you’re taking up space, you’re all i’ve been thinking about lately. but on another note, i do have a question.

do you have a favorite anon? if so who? and could it be me?

-🌀

i don’t pick favorites, dear anon.

and i’m all you’ve been thinking about lately? well, you certainly know how to boost a man’s ego.

You are definitely odd, but in a good way. I like you. but yeah i’m definitely not gonna go and think about that answer for the next few weeks /lh

-🌀

think about it how?

do tell, anon, i’m curious.

are you, as you said, “a little” possessive over me? does it go beyond that?

now you’ve got me curious.

this is turning into a vent blog, and i hate it. i’m supposed to stay happy, and blissful, and the one people can depend on.

i’m a sorry excuse for a captain.

he may be this..this manipulative, god-status-having figure. but i am nothing if not a willing devotee, offering up my heart, body, mind and soul.

maybe that idea is right, only one way to find out/lh -⛓

using my own words against me, now, are we?

for someone who was so scared, your confidence sure did build up fast.

it’s my account and i can do what i want with it. TW.

the taste of copper in my own mouth is overwhelming.

what i wouldn’t give to live normally. live without the consistent craving of the intimacy and abuse cocktail.

i want to be hurt just as i want to be loved.

the difference is, i deserve to be hurt.

and it pains me, knowing that i could just as easily be thrown away. i’m nothing special. i know that. we can pretend that i am all we want, but i know.

i know that, if i were being auctioned off, no one would try. “next up, it’s captain grant curly! starting of at a hundred, anyone?….anyone?….”

i know. i know i’m damaged beyond repair, i know i’m worthless. everything is so heavy right now, and that’s quite alright. i was made to carry burdens. the weight of holding everyone’s secrets weigh me down, and as i fall behind, the growing ache in my chest throbs.

what i wouldn’t give to lay my head down in your lap, let your fingers run through my hair, and let the world go quiet. even then, i wouldn’t be worth a penny. but maybe, just maybe, i would bring you the barest hint of happiness.

i need to clean my room. i need to pack my bag. i need to do my laundry. i’ve been living here for almost two werks, and i barely packed enough clothes to last me three days.

what i really need to do is shut up. because no one gives a damn. i keep telling myself, “get it together, grant.” and then i continue messing things up. i need to be guided.

i need to eat. i can’t remember the last time i ate.

If you saw how much you might be a little more concerned than flattered, but i can’t complain.

And yay! I love it when my obsessions acknowledge me tehe

-🌀

who said i wouldn’t be even more flattered?

Maybe X anon realized this blog is an extension of your SH.

perhaps. i do wish the x anon would’ve dm’d me, however. i would’ve told them what was wrong, rather than tell the world.

my dm’s are always open, if you ever have personal questions.

remember, if YOU wouldn’t feel comfortable answering that question in front of a large crowd, i probably won’t feel comfortable answering if.

do I really need to destroy myself in order to get affection?