Do I Really Need To Destroy Myself In Order To Get Affection?

maybe that idea is right, only one way to find out/lh -⛓

using my own words against me, now, are we?

for someone who was so scared, your confidence sure did build up fast.

i am very much the kind of person to constantly have emojicombos dot com open in a tab it makes it so effortless to build themed things -⛓

oh, absolutely!

i have a note in my notes app full of copy-paste symbols.

a scalding hot shower, the warmth pelting my raw skin, sounds appropriate for not being able to handle an entire hour.

Hi :3

-🌀

hello!

how was your sleep? i hope you are well rested today -⛓

i am quite well rested! i’ve got a somewhat busy day, but i’m ready for the day ahead!

you act like i don't know these things about you, grant. as for my mood shift, maybe i lighten up seeing you try to defend yourself.

what's got you in a mood?

– ✘

i’m in no such mood.

and i apologize for assuming. that was quite silly of me, considering how long we’ve been friends!

not to be a slut but can we hold hands while you stroke my hair and tell me you’re proud of me

it’s my account and i can do what i want with it. TW.

the taste of copper in my own mouth is overwhelming.

what i wouldn’t give to live normally. live without the consistent craving of the intimacy and abuse cocktail.

i want to be hurt just as i want to be loved.

the difference is, i deserve to be hurt.

and it pains me, knowing that i could just as easily be thrown away. i’m nothing special. i know that. we can pretend that i am all we want, but i know.

i know that, if i were being auctioned off, no one would try. “next up, it’s captain grant curly! starting of at a hundred, anyone?….anyone?….”

i know. i know i’m damaged beyond repair, i know i’m worthless. everything is so heavy right now, and that’s quite alright. i was made to carry burdens. the weight of holding everyone’s secrets weigh me down, and as i fall behind, the growing ache in my chest throbs.

what i wouldn’t give to lay my head down in your lap, let your fingers run through my hair, and let the world go quiet. even then, i wouldn’t be worth a penny. but maybe, just maybe, i would bring you the barest hint of happiness.

i need to clean my room. i need to pack my bag. i need to do my laundry. i’ve been living here for almost two werks, and i barely packed enough clothes to last me three days.

what i really need to do is shut up. because no one gives a damn. i keep telling myself, “get it together, grant.” and then i continue messing things up. i need to be guided.

i need to eat. i can’t remember the last time i ate.

Well, on this blog you only seem to have eyes for fictives of one person, and Im not a version of him.. - ⛓

that doesn’t exactly matter to me, you see.

this blog is primarily centered around my source memories. just because i “only have eyes for one person”, doesn’t mean anything.

i will say, now you’ve got me curious.

TW.

force me to tell you my fears.

i prefer to check up on people. it makes me feel good when everyone else feels good!

i’m scared that if i end it all, no one will notice. and everyone who does notice will simply move on.

i like when people remember the small things about me! it makes me feel special.

no one knows what my favorite color is.

i like to think that everybody is a friend!

i get so, so deeply fearful when i’m unliked.