Thats, Reassuring At Least. I Think I Can Maybe Get Away With Saying That I Am A Mw Fictive, Im Just

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

You are definitely odd, but in a good way. I like you. but yeah i’m definitely not gonna go and think about that answer for the next few weeks /lh

-🌀

think about it how?

do tell, anon, i’m curious.

are you, as you said, “a little” possessive over me? does it go beyond that?

now you’ve got me curious.

I'm always fucking up everything, no matter who I talk to and no matter what I do. I'm sick of this.. Can someone please just bash my head already?

how could i not think highly of you? to my knowledge you have never done anything with intentions to hurt me -⛓

maybe i haven’t, but you have to understand. i am not a good person. at least, i don’t think i am.

pick your poison (version of me):

— fuzzy-brained, whorish puppy

— self-hating, disgusting mutt

— your loyal, possessive dog.

Maybe X anon realized this blog is an extension of your SH.

perhaps. i do wish the x anon would’ve dm’d me, however. i would’ve told them what was wrong, rather than tell the world.

my dm’s are always open, if you ever have personal questions.

remember, if YOU wouldn’t feel comfortable answering that question in front of a large crowd, i probably won’t feel comfortable answering if.

TW.

force me to tell you my fears.

i prefer to check up on people. it makes me feel good when everyone else feels good!

i’m scared that if i end it all, no one will notice. and everyone who does notice will simply move on.

i like when people remember the small things about me! it makes me feel special.

no one knows what my favorite color is.

i like to think that everybody is a friend!

i get so, so deeply fearful when i’m unliked.

it sucks so much to be so desperate to feel loved, yet so incapable of beliving i deserve it...

the feelings i have arent anything new,, ive just been in denial for a while.. not the trauma feelings, the other ones..

-⛓

i understand.

i hope all goes well, but i feel uncomfortable on your behalf to continue talking about this publicly. this is dangerously information to give to the public.

however. we can continue talking, if you’d like.

it’s my account and i can do what i want with it. TW.

the taste of copper in my own mouth is overwhelming.

what i wouldn’t give to live normally. live without the consistent craving of the intimacy and abuse cocktail.

i want to be hurt just as i want to be loved.

the difference is, i deserve to be hurt.

and it pains me, knowing that i could just as easily be thrown away. i’m nothing special. i know that. we can pretend that i am all we want, but i know.

i know that, if i were being auctioned off, no one would try. “next up, it’s captain grant curly! starting of at a hundred, anyone?….anyone?….”

i know. i know i’m damaged beyond repair, i know i’m worthless. everything is so heavy right now, and that’s quite alright. i was made to carry burdens. the weight of holding everyone’s secrets weigh me down, and as i fall behind, the growing ache in my chest throbs.

what i wouldn’t give to lay my head down in your lap, let your fingers run through my hair, and let the world go quiet. even then, i wouldn’t be worth a penny. but maybe, just maybe, i would bring you the barest hint of happiness.

i need to clean my room. i need to pack my bag. i need to do my laundry. i’ve been living here for almost two werks, and i barely packed enough clothes to last me three days.

what i really need to do is shut up. because no one gives a damn. i keep telling myself, “get it together, grant.” and then i continue messing things up. i need to be guided.

i need to eat. i can’t remember the last time i ate.

you mean so much to me, im glad i get to have this even if im still too anxious to reveal myself just yet. i assure you there are clues and its quite possible other anons already figured me out, but thats ok. if you figure me out im ok with you reaching out first, i adore you, and everything you do. maybe one day i can truly be yours, you might even be the one to build up my confidence. <3 -⛓

how sweet, anon. how sweet.

/gen.