Honestly It Probably Isn’t That Far Off From One Considering How Often I’m Stalking Your Account/hj

it’s my account and i can do what i want with it. TW.

the taste of copper in my own mouth is overwhelming.

what i wouldn’t give to live normally. live without the consistent craving of the intimacy and abuse cocktail.

i want to be hurt just as i want to be loved.

the difference is, i deserve to be hurt.

and it pains me, knowing that i could just as easily be thrown away. i’m nothing special. i know that. we can pretend that i am all we want, but i know.

i know that, if i were being auctioned off, no one would try. “next up, it’s captain grant curly! starting of at a hundred, anyone?….anyone?….”

i know. i know i’m damaged beyond repair, i know i’m worthless. everything is so heavy right now, and that’s quite alright. i was made to carry burdens. the weight of holding everyone’s secrets weigh me down, and as i fall behind, the growing ache in my chest throbs.

what i wouldn’t give to lay my head down in your lap, let your fingers run through my hair, and let the world go quiet. even then, i wouldn’t be worth a penny. but maybe, just maybe, i would bring you the barest hint of happiness.

i need to clean my room. i need to pack my bag. i need to do my laundry. i’ve been living here for almost two werks, and i barely packed enough clothes to last me three days.

what i really need to do is shut up. because no one gives a damn. i keep telling myself, “get it together, grant.” and then i continue messing things up. i need to be guided.

i need to eat. i can’t remember the last time i ate.

you cant just say stuff like that, ill cry /wet cat -⛓

oh, well. i don’t mean to make you cry !

nsfw.

i’m home all alone today. not a soul besides me in this house. alone, with my selection of toys.

damn shame you aren’t here.

this is a shitpost.

You’re too sweet, but seriously, i watch your blog like it’s my favorite tv show. I need better hobbies outside of stalking people online

-🌀

your favorite? how kind.

i know i’m a touch dry, i’m watching a movie. you can be patient, cant you?

its hard not to when youre so amazing, and mean so much to me. like what if you find out which anya i am and realise you have no intrest in me because of it.. -⛓

you will never know, until you try.

i’m surprised you think i’m so amazing, honestly.

Not to be an absolutely deplorable disgusting whore but like

What if we held each other softly and shared our deepest thoughts and interests with each other

What if we were completely vulnerable and raw, seeing every flaw and crack but still decided to accept each other exactly as is, rigged edges and all

Is that too slutty guys? I know I write some real fucked up shit is this too far-

i’m a sick, sick man, aren’t i.

sick for wanting the duality of life itself, sick for wanting you. sick for wanting you at your worst, the screaming and manipulation and threat. sick for wanting you at your best, even if your best is feral and violent and obsessive.

i will bow before your alter, for forever, if it means i get to be near you for forever.

i want him at the red crescent-moon-shaped indents that bubble up blood as i beg and plead and cry, and i want him at the soft, soothing, big brown eyes as we both gently whisper murmurings of forgiveness.

i am but a sick man.

I hope you forgive me for ruining everything

pick your poison (version of me):

— fuzzy-brained, whorish puppy

— self-hating, disgusting mutt

— your loyal, possessive dog.

you're sweet when you cry, captain. glowing, even.

– ✘

sweet? glowing?

i’m not crying. at least, not anymore

you must be imagining things.