In All Honesty My Preference Leans Towards Not Getting Hurt, But That Doesnt Mean Much To Me As Long

please, don’t bother reading. it’s just another tw’d vent post. what’s the point.

god, i’m useless.

what kind of captain thinks like this? what kind of captain puts himself first? i’m pathetic.

i just want to be good for someone. i just want to be someone’s first choice, their favorite.

i don’t want to be a leftover. i don’t want to be left behind.

i don’t want to be alone again.

i can’t be alone again.

my thighs hurt so much. my head and fingers and toes are throbbing, probably from blood loss. i can’t keep doing this to myself.

i can’t keep running from my problems.

God, I fucking hate myself

I just want to be soft

Why am I so angry, so harsh, so violent, so destroying.

It’s unfair

I wish I wasnt like this,, my trauma is unfortunatly a part of me I dont think will ever leave me..

-⛓

you have to grow and live with the trauma. and not let it overcome you. you have to make it a part of you, and learn and develop.

everyone wishes they weren’t the way they are.

you cant just say stuff like that, ill cry /wet cat -⛓

oh, well. i don’t mean to make you cry !

im so scared theyll all leave me

a scalding hot shower, the warmth pelting my raw skin, sounds appropriate for not being able to handle an entire hour.

maybe that idea is right, only one way to find out/lh -⛓

using my own words against me, now, are we?

for someone who was so scared, your confidence sure did build up fast.

nsfw. tw.

please, please, please.

i need you to tell me how to do it. how to get off. i can’t..i can’t do anything unless you’re telling me how.

i need to give up control, let myself be a little braindead, let myself be truly yours, in every sense of the word.

mark me up, from the inside and the outside. i want to be nothing but a myriad of purples and blues and swollen reds, nothing but a walking show of your affection.

i’d let you call me the nastiest, most vile names. i’d let you use me whenever you want…i’m made for your pleasure. i’d let you use me whenever…please do. that’s how i know you enjoy having me around.

i woke up like this, and it’s awful. i feel squirmy and pathetic and disgusting. i feel like someone’s abandoned puppy, wandering the streets, waiting for be picked up by some kind soul…

i’ll be so, so good for you. the perfect dog. just please, keep me around? don’t toss me to the side once you’re done with me…

the swirl of reddish pink down the drain makes me reminisce on my better days.

it was so much easier when we all wore jumpsuits on the tulpar.

i’m going to burn in hell. and i’ll take nothing but the sweet memories of you with me.