Bubblemintfairy - 𝓫𝓾𝓫𝓫𝓵𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓽 𝓯𝓪𝓲𝓻𝔂

It's literally been minutes and I can feel her changing in my head. Her form shifting. She is telling me more about her ed, but im froze, I'm crying, I just felt like I lost a friend in a single moment and it's even more unfair to her.

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.

I can't bring myself to do anything. I just keep giving up and failing every day, just again and again.

Crying because of hunger <<<<

My brains is so funny cause it sees me in worlds not real, but struggles to acknowledge me in this one.

My life has suddenly become so empty. It was empty before, but I didn't feel it. Now I feel it.

Nothing interests me, i can barely even malasaptive daydream anymore, not even scrolling on media is unappealing most of the time. I do nothing other than binging and fantazising about him and suicide, both things I year for so much but can't have. Both fantazises so unfilling.

The thought of him haunts me. The desire to be near him, to be apart of his little friendgroup clouds my brain without my wish. Most of the time my brain can't help but to imagine my current situation in a world where my desires, or atleast a fraction of them are true.

But im still in my reality and the constant realizations hurt a lot. This is the closest I will probably get to romantic love in my life. A painful and overwhelming desire for someone I haven't talked to.

It's Friday night and I'm crying over things that will never change. I can't can't fucking cut myself since my dad is in the room next to me.

I just wish is wasn't myself. I wish I had a different mind, a different body, a different existence. That I didn't exist at all

Why the fuck is he with her so much. It can't be a coincidence that so many times I've seen him he's with her. Are they dating? I'm 75% sure that girl is one of the girls that talked shit abt him, but things can change. He probs wants her, even if she doesn't want him. It makes me want cry, makes me want to carve up her pretty face so he would ignore her, makes me isolate him so he would only think about me, and it makes me want to cut myself to forget.

Purged for the first time in a very long time. So fucking vile. Can't believe 12/13 year old me would do this multiple times, every day. Girlie was tough asf, current me could never.

Madame, I know this is a weird question and you would probably insult me if/when you would read my words but, Are you ok? Do you need someone to talk with? I know I shouldn't write this because It's totally not my business, I apologize, have a great day. 🤍

Don't worry I won't insult you, that's a nice thing of you to ask. But to answer your questions, no and maybe (probably yeah). I hope you have a great day or night aswell <3