When You Push Your Friend's Away So Fucking Much That They Don't Even Bother To Check On You And You're

Such a handsome baby boi, I love😙💕

Casserole d idnt go great but the important thing is that it might've been the best casserole I've ever made!

(Still not salty enough and I can't seem to get the top crust right but still the best!!!)

Well we have to evacuate this week

God, I hate living in the south.

We have like fucking 5 or 6 hurricanes coming towards us(possibley) and 1 headed straight towards us directly! Like "eye-of-the-storm" shit towards us.

So we have to fucking evacuate, and of course I'm the bitch with OCD and 2something fucking useless collections that I insist on bringing, and of course my family acts like I'm not emotionally attached to this shit and they've got limits on how much of certain things I'm allowed to bring and I'm being fussy about it and my mom called me retarded and of course I had to get upset and now I just really with I know where the suitcases were so I could at least start packing for when we leave instead of thinking about everything I shouldnt.

It's gonna be a bad day.

I wish I was still sick.

I'm staying home.

It doesn't feel right.

I don't like this.

It doesn't matter.

He looks so comfy for an animal that's sleeping on a bookcase.

I swear I'm trying to change whatever's wrong with me.

It gets hard when the happier I am the less ok I feel.

When the more I let myself hug my friends the more being touched makes me want to hurl.

The more I care about everyone else, the less I care about myself.

The less I let them hate themselves the more I hate myself.

I try to work outside in but It feels more like turning myself inside out.

Why is it so hard for me to like myself half as much as I love everyone else?

Why is it so difficult to care about myself yet so easy to take care of everyone else?

Why do I feel like I'm giving myself away

Why do I feel like they hate me

Why do I feel so hopeless

Why do I feel so lost

Why can't I feel anything...?

Please, for the love of god, let me smile and breathe at the same time

Let me actually feel all those emotions I was promised

Someone make me less selfish.

The absolute best thing I've ever found at Claire's(including the Stranger Things popsockets I saw a few moments after this!)

Reminder that it really doesn’t matter what ways you’re marginalized, if you’re not black you’re just as capable of anti blackness as white cishet people. No amount of “but I’m gay!”, “but I’m trans!”, or “but I’m not white!” changes that.

And being neurodiverse/disabled isn’t an excuse for anti blackness either.

I had the best fucking dream last night.

I had a girlfriend, there was world's cutest fucking gay couple, and this one straight couple that was cute as all hell.

The entire dream was just healthy, happy, adorable relationships and I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO MAD THAT I CANT REMEMBER A DREAM, FUCK!

It was so cute and heart warming, I feel so blessed that my stupid panicky brain let me have such a nice dream

*Edit

I actually had this dream almost a year ago, this post has been in my drafts since I woke up from said dream.

Recently my dreams nightmares are a lot more.... death-filled with a few handfuls of false accusations and shitty social shit for good measure.

I miss you, happy, cute couples dream, you were so pleasant.

Me: *finds a thing that i like that isnt problamatic unless taking out of context and given malicious intent through biased descriptions*

Person: *does that*

Me brain: you are no longer allowed to like this thing because if you do then you're a terrible person and your inevitable murder is justified because you'd deserve it.

Me: ... ok..