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inaccurate Batfam quotes #18

Do you think since Dick was so young when he started out as Robin that he had, like... snacks in his utility belt. He’s on a mission with Bats one day and he’s eating gummy bears he pulled from his pouch. Cause I do.

Rant ahead: Bart and the Rogues Gallery.

Why is it that every speedster has some sort of relationship with the rogues except for the one that it actually would make sense if he had one. Are you seriously telling me Bart Henry Allen-Thawne II has NO correlation to them at ALL, but Wally and Barry do???

I get Barry ‘believes’ in them or whatever, but that doesn’t mean they’re automatic buddies. He has major trust issues and doesn’t even like turning his back around them!

And Wally? Wally has this weird thing against villains, no matter how small the crime. I mean, he broke up a friendship that he had for YEARS with Hartley Rathaway because Pied Piper went off book for a mission that was for A GOOD CAUSE.

Bart Allen’s half brother Owen is in the rogues. His twin clone is in the rogues. Digger knew his mother, and I’m sure he’d want to know more about her. He’s an outcasted flashfam member that needs a home because every family he’s been put into disappeared or died. First Max and then Jay, then the Titans disbanded. He doesn’t belong to any timeline, never met his father, abandoned by his mother so he wouldn’t be kidnapped by science cops, sent by his own evil Grandpa! That sounds like just about any other rogue sob story. And yet he has no connection to them. AT ALL. Which is just… Mind boggling!

And the one issue he gets with them, the rogues KILL him?? Which is totally out of character for them because one of their main rules is NO KILLING FLASHES. With time and character development, I’m sure Thad will come around and Bart will give him a chance, no matter how skeptical he is, because it’s what Max wanted for them and that was Bart’s goddamn dad, so help me! And Bart really doesn’t mind the whole villain thing either; he’s held casual conversation with the JOKER. Are you kidding me??

Do y’all understand how upsetting this is, or am I the only one???

Know what? I’m about to say it.

FUCK JUSTICE LEAGUE AND HAL JORDAN SUPREMACY. I SAID IT. SUE ME.

THEYRE ALL HORRIBLE. OK- ARTHUR IS KINDA OK AND BARRY IS ON THE FLY A LIL AND OLLIE IS ALSO KINDA OKAY, BUT HAL IS BEST. I HAVE MANY REASONS FOR THIS. AND IF ANYONE FIGHTS ME ON THIS THEN DO IT, ILL THROW HANDS.

Bart: I’m the little spoon!

Jason, wrapping an arm around him: I’m the knife.

Most iconic thing in the Harry Potter

Molly Weasley, bless her, had started off making the ‘Weasley sweaters’ as a form of telling George and Fred apart. But they still switch their sweaters, cheeky bastards. After they got theirs, everyone wanted it, so that’s how the tradition is born. If you have a sweater, you’re official.

Kon: You don't feel anything?

Tim: closure. Indifference... Hunger.

Kon: Wow, you're like a robot.

Tim: Thanks, I got the same comment on my tinder.

Bart, trying hard to be the distraction: I'm so sorry about this. It's my assistant that makes all the reservations, and she's been under heavy medications. She was recently diagnosed with Parvo.

Bad guy: Isn't that a dog's disease?

Bart, watching Tim sneak behind the desk: Yes, yes, it is. My assistant is a Golden Retriever. Adorable, but dim. Her whole keyboard is just three big buttons. She has very large paws. I should have fired her years ago, but she's a rescue and I just didn't have the heart.

OKay but what if Owen was born first? What if when Digger got sent through time, he didn't go so far and he met Meloni BEFORE she and Don fell in love? What if Owen was raised by Meloni? And Don was his step dad? And when Bart was born, and Don was killed, the same lab that had Bart in the VR simulation kept Owen captive. And when Iris broke Bart out, she got both of them? And while she told Bart about his Thawne/Allen lineage, and about his Grandpa Barry, she also told Owen about his father, his real father? What if they were sent back in time together, and Owen protected his little brother? He tells Bart stories about the father he never got the chance to meet, and things about their mother Bart didn't get the chance to know. That when Max took Bart in, he went to find Digger? What if They already knew each other, and Bart was Impulse and Owen was Captain Boomerang Jr? That Bart never fought the Rogues and refused to bring any of them in because of it, and Owen may help rob banks and pull heists, but he wouldn't lay a hand on them Flashers. Those are Family. That every time he and Bart see each other, it's just a nice brother reunion and catching up.

And then Thad comes along and Owen being a big dumb himbo boy, goes ":0 Bart NEW BROTHER :D" and adopts the kid on the spot. Thad, never having a place ever or any kind of positive connection in his thousand years of life just accepting defeat, cause “maybe this orangutang wasn't so bad, unlike my counterpart”. And Owen was like their glue that kept them from killing each other until they established an unbreakable bond. Digger adopted all of them with Max as the co-parent and now they're just a happy family.

Bart: *has a straw in his french fries cup and trying to drink from it*

Tim: What happened to him?

Kon: He learned about Star trek and has been awake for four days to watch the series and all the movies.

Tim:...

Tim: The /whole/ series??

Bart, pacing around the petstore: The thing is, I have something big to tell you.

Kon, holding a bunny: You know you can say anything to me, dude. We’ve known each other since forever and there’s absolutely nothing that can dent our impenetrable bond.

Bart: I have a secret boyfriend.

Kon: You’re dead to me.

Bart: Kon—

Kon, petting the bunny for comfort: I can’t believe you. You brought me all the way down here to get hopped up on Bunny love so you could spring this on me and I wouldn’t make a scene.

Bart, nodding: yeah, pretty much.

Kon, still petting the bunny: Well, it’s working. I don’t even remember what this whole thing was about.