The Cold And The Void Have Made Me Into A Deadly Concoction Of Shivering Mess.

Low and low, I sink

lo and behold, I crumble.

You stumble at my doorstep again

with the sly smile and sparkly eyes

that I fell in love with at once

and you pull me close

keep my heart in your warm hands

while you whisper our names together,

oh, how my heart just beats right of your hands.

I love you, with the pieces and mirrors

and blood and tears,

I love you with all my breaths and being.

How do I make someone understand

just how much I have to fight everyday?

That I'm perpetually at war with my brain

that I don't let myself lean on anyone but myself

even if it makes the fire harder to extinguish

but isn't that what I really want?

To burn and burn

and burn.

The bone chilling winter comes after my soul

as I run through the slippery woods

plummeting inside the abyss.

i'm so sensitive that sometimes my brain makes my emotions go numb as a self-defense mechanism

Having a PMDD-esque period in sync with the depersonalisation and derealisation episode is really milking my bpd this week and it's only my first day.

More horrors to come tomorrow!

Tw: abuse

Just survived a couple hours with my abuser while casually chitchatting around family. I need to run away.

I belong to none,

not these extended hands,

the rosey skies,

or the bloodied battlegrounds in my name.

I belong to none other than myself

but know not which one in particular

I may not love myself on most days

but I definitely would not let you either.

Mary Oliver

What if I told you it's all in your head and you're not drowning but living, instead?