I Just Read “each Time You Open A Book And Read, A Tree Smiles Knowing There's Life After Death”and

my mind often contradicts the heart

it says, no more.

today, the heart begs,

I will live for the both of us.

Lol I hate being fucking self aware.

I write this with

melancholic music

blasting in my ears.

It's comfortable,

relatable.

It's hopeless,

as I long to be.

i can’t see myself old, i just see myself disappearing across the years.

How little there is to listen when you stop.

I'm so sick of these destructive defense mechanisms that do protect me from getting hurt but at the same time trigger the fear of abandonment, because of which I employ these mechanisms in the first place.

What the fuck.

I feel so lonely. Not because I don't have people in my life that love me, I do. But I can't help but feel alone. I feel like a monster whenever I don't answer my friends' texts because I can't help it but feel so stressed out and tired and having to deal with people is the last thing I want to do.

I want to be loved and love people but there's an ugly monster that keeps on trying to make me feel and be lonely and alone in my own thoughts.

as the solitude comforts me,

the loneliness eats me up and

I let it.