I Feel So Lonely. Not Because I Don't Have People In My Life That Love Me, I Do. But I Can't Help But

i feel so alone all the goddamn time.

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

I need to destroy myself to feel satisfied

A totally unexpected plan ending as a tool to rediscover your sexuality and dabbling into other's fantasies as it made you tap into your inner dom is ecstatic, especially when you've been in a constant bpd depressive episode and stuck in every other aspect of your life.

I never lost it but found something even more exciting.

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Gentle Spirit

Having a PMDD-esque period in sync with the depersonalisation and derealisation episode is really milking my bpd this week and it's only my first day.

More horrors to come tomorrow!

The bone chilling winter comes after my soul

as I run through the slippery woods

plummeting inside the abyss.

Time to go underground and push everyone away after an overwhelming weekend.

I'm not the past version of myself who didn’t rest,

I'm not okay and I need the help.