Zeus: For Future Reference, Singing “eye Of The Tiger” Outside My Door While I’m Having Sex Makes

Poseidon: your room smells of hookers

Zeus: and success

Aphrodite: You can't buy happiness!

Hades: Clearly you don't have enough money to buy a dog.

Poseidon: yes, I'm a douche. But I'm a high quality douche

From “Soft Spoken Spells: Poems for Your Inner Witch” by Nichole McElhaney

Those are the prettiest eyes in this universe.

Change my mind.

Zeus: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Hades, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

Dionysus: when was the last time you got laid?

Hermes: when was the last time you came home sober?

Dionysus: touché

Queen Texts #4

DiscoDeaky: wₕₒ ₐₜₑ ₘy cₑᵣₑₐₗ

SpaceNerd: John?

DiscoDeaky: ɨ ֆǟɨɖ աɦօ ǟȶɛ ʍʏ ƈɛʀɛǟʟ

CupboardBoi: jesus, satan calm down

DiscoDeaky: ᴺᴱⱽᴱᴿ

OneQueerBoi: well, none of us ate it!

DiscoDeaky: 𝖜𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖔𝖝 𝖎𝖘 𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖞

DiscoDeaky: ａｎｄ ｔｈｅ ｂｏｘ ｄｏｅｓｎ＇ｔ ｌｉｅ

OneQueerBoi: ask Julie then!

DiscoDeaky: yₒᵤ ₜₕᵢₙₖ ⱼᵤₗᵢₑ ₐₜₑ ᵢₜ?

DiscoDeaky: Ḫ̴͔̦͑a̴̻̘͋̈̏̀̈́̐́͋,̸̧̲̬̳̯́͒ ̵̛̹͙̤̰̖̲̌̈́̅͗̑i̷̧̲̔ ̸̦̓̅̈́̈́́͌̿̇̀ͅd̵̡̜̯̲̻́̑ͅơ̸̗̞͓͈̦̙͑̋̎̏͐̐͐ņ̷̨̧̦̤̺̯͓̦̍́̈̏ͅ'̷̨̧̱̹͇͇̙͖̙̇̓͊̅͑̀̆͑͘͝ͅt̸̮̊͒̉͌͠ ̸̛̬̝̂̍͂̊̃̄̕͠b̵̖̺͔̼̖̹̒̉̇͒̋͗̑͜͜͝ē̸̥̟̰͌̍̄ͅl̶̜̬̩̟͋͝i̷̯̻̟̲͝è̵͜v̶̛͍̞̠̪̖̖͎͖́̽̌̓̿̅͆é̷̞͎̍̒͐͋͜ ̶̜̲̯͐̑͊͜i̴̢̗̤͕̯̠̺͇͋̈́̔͒t̶̨̼̺͚̪̐̅͒̌͊̐

SpaceNerd: Did you ask her?

DiscoDeaky: …

DiscoDeaky: she ate it

CupboardBoi: Are you going to apologize, demon?

DiscoDeaky: *high pitched devil screeching*

DiscoDeaky: NEVER

Hades: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.

Persephone: ... are you okay???

Hades: Cerberus stole my frickin garlic bread

Me n my friends summoning Satan to get free tuition