Maybe He Has A Hoarding Problem Maybe He Doesn’t. You’ll Never Know Unless You Open The Box.

I’m gonna need you to perform a full memory wipe before leaving, thanks

if we break up u have to return your keys and all knowledge of my personality traits & netflix queue

Porch Swinging Spirit: A Hauntingly Peaceful Scene.

The puns! I live for the puns like this!

I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.

Now I can’t stop thinking of a vampire politely knocking on the bedroom window of a house whispering “can I come in please?”

I was thinking about how vampires need permission to enter a home and then immediately thought: Damn, vampires would make really bad house burglars.

“And you?”

“I was tying someone up on the subway”

concept: Faebook 

Currently fighting the trans masculine urge to cut the sleeves off all my shirts

My dad, a bodybuilder desperately begging: please stop skipping leg day

Me, a trans guy with beefy thicc goth mommy legs: no

Every day when I drive back from my college campus I see this sign that says “Bike Stripers” and every day I get super excited about the idea of seeing hot girls stripping on motercycles before I realize it’s an auto shop. Every day. My brain forgets every day that it’s an advertisement for the auto shop. Apparently I’ve got a thing for hot girls on motercycles. And apparently it causes my brain to short-circuit for a couple seconds.