Paradoxf0x - Here Lies My Brain Vomit

Anyone else feels like they overshare everything with others and at the very same time haven’t opened up at all to anyone

AKA any deer seen in the Midwest while drunk

A deer that seems to be following you.

i love girls but they’re out of my league … like every single girl… all of them.. out of my league

A bunch of kids messing with a ouija board: we call upon the spirits!

The ghost of a teenager who died in 2002: *snikering* Bro, I’m gonna tell them I’m a Victorian royal murdered by my husband.

His buddy, laughing: Yo, tell them you never got revenge so now you’re gonna murder them instead.

The ghost: Oh, hell yeah! Classic man!

the issue w/ ouija boards is that ghosts are LIARS and RELISH in your sorrows 

If you wear sunglasses would you turn to stone or nah

if medusa wears sunglasses do u not turn to stone

I’m gonna need you to perform a full memory wipe before leaving, thanks

if we break up u have to return your keys and all knowledge of my personality traits & netflix queue

- @jistring

When I was in high school I managed to get myself haunted by this really helpful passive aggressive ghost. I’ll elaborate: one of the times I lost my phone, which was on silent, I started panicking and I asked my friend Jessie who was with me if she’d seen my phone anywhere, and at that moment the ghost threw it across the room with enough force to dent my wall.

I still think about that ghost anytime I loose my phone. If you’re out there reading this, please come back; I can’t find any of my shit.