Paradoxf0x - Here Lies My Brain Vomit

Sorry man, it’s the rules, if you want to rob me you have to roll intimidation

Also, a dire bear has suddenly appeared behind you and you should probably do something about that

Remember- always carry some premade character sheets and a one-shot with you so if you’re mugged, you can distract your attacker by getting them to take part in an impromptu D&D session!

This. This is the level of sarcastic arrogance I strive to achieve; where even my weapons are snarky, contemptuous bitches

Edgar Allen Poe: There’s a body under the floorboards, it’s heart beats to the sound of your guilt.

Everyone else: umm...

Edgar Allen Poe: The raven knows your name, it knocks on your window, quoting forevermore.

Everyone else: You okay, bro?

a little girl who grows up thinking all doors are automatic but actually she’s haunted by a really polite ghost

My brain, having a meltdown like a toddler: everything is bad and awful and I absolutely refuse to function in these working conditions *dumps a shitload of adrenaline into the nervous system*

Me, sighing heavily and holding up lorazepam: would ya do it for a Scooby snack?

Musical chairs? I thought you said Magical chairs

Well, there’s no un-summoning the demon now so we might as well play

Stalling for time be like

A well playing job, countless new friends, *and* I can legally threaten bitchy customers with an iron rod? Where do I sign?

I’ll keep them graves so spotless you’ll be able to see the reflection of your dead loved ones standing hauntingly behind you.

This

nothing brings me more joy than repeatedly doing a bit that my mother dislikes

“The trees cry out as they die, but you cannot hear them. I lie here. I listen to the pain of the forest and feel the ache of the bullet in my chest and dream of the day when I will finally crunch that gun woman’s head in my jaws… She is my daughter. One of the wolf tribe. When the forest dies, so does she. I caught her human parents defiling my forest. They threw their baby at my feet as they ran away. Instead of eating her, I raised her as my own. Now my poor, ugly, beautiful daughter is neither human nor wolf.“

PRINCESS MONONOKE (1997)